So she filed. What’s the process and timeline from here?
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
I went back home for a long weekend for Thanksgiving, and yesterday went shopping with my Mom to get her some hiking boots and rain gear for our Alaska trip next year, and that's when I got the text "It's done" (around noon).
She had told me earlier in the weekend that her mom was going to loan her the money to file ($205) and that she was going to go to the courthouse Monday. So I wasn't caught totally off guard, but you still never know how you will feel. When I read the text, I didn't have any flood of emotion, just thought it was a unusual choice of words to let me know that she had filed. The text chain went:
W - It's done Me - Interesting way to say it, but thank you for going. W - Sorry, whether you believe me or not it wasn't an easy thing to do & I'm not in the best of moods right now. Me - I understand, it's not an easy thing to go through, but I think it's time.
When I first let her know in July that I would like to file, I told her that I could wait if she wasn't ready, but since then she's never given me any indication that she isn't ready. I got frustrated with the delay, because everything I know of her makes me believe the delay was just due to not taking the time to complete the process. She is the type of person to always put things off. It took her 3 months to "decide" if she was going to change her name back to her maiden name or not, and I see that as just not giving it any thought until I pressed her for the info.
I am mind reading here, but I also don't believe her having a hard time with it has anything to do with me, I think it has to do more with her fantasy of what M would mean to her (she always said that she would never D), because she never once brought up that she was unhappy or suggest that we do things to make the M better.
When I would bring things up that I thought we should do to improve our R, she would give me the "OK" but she would never join me. For example, about 3 year ago I told her I would like to spend 10 to 30 minutes on the hammock every day or two so we could spend time together talking, she said that would be good, but whenever I would bring it up she was busy on facebook, editing photos, playing games on her iPad, etc.
So I have a hard time believing that she cares about "our" relationship enough for her to be mourning it.
But I digress. In all, I'm fine with it, I had a great time spending the day with my mom yesterday before I went to the airport, we shopped for a few hours, then went to her house and made a Christmas wreath out of tree clippings and decorated it with things we bought when we were out, and I never really thought about the D again.
I had some sadness when I filled out and signed all the paperwork, but I didn't have those same feelings knowing that it has all been filed. Now I'll just have to see how I feel when we go to court to finalize it, which should be in 3 to 4 weeks.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
Reaching out with great big hugs, (((Coconut))). I am glad you are handling everything well. It's just so sad to think about what she's thrown away......and what she's doing to herself in her wayward journey. And now that she will be legally free, she'll see Mr. Fireman isn't jumping to D his W and wanting to be with her........so, she'll probably move on to the next guy. You may never know about it, but the day will come when she will realize what a mess she's made of her life.
Anyway, I'm glad to hear you had a good time with your mom. Hiking boots for Alaska, huh? Sounds terrific!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I know exactly how you feel. Last week I filed and my W signed yesterday. In a way you kind of feel numb to the whole thing and yet I feel as if I failed. Like Sandi said your W is bound to realize MR. Fireman isn't going to leave his W. I believe my own W has already experienced that rude awakening. Jumped to another OM who got what he wanted kept it moving. So my W is experiencing first hand the level of men in the dating pool. And instead of just admitting to messing up. She is messing with a new OM. The funny part is the OM she chooses are more of a joke than the last. But she calls this living. Only time will get through that stubbornness. And by that time I plan on being single and enjoying the reat of my 30s, while in the beat physical condition of my life. 90 days counting down.
Sorry about that Cnut, no matter how ready we are, D is still a tough, emotional thing to go through. Sounds like you are handling it quite well though so that's good to hear!
Sandi, thank you for the support, I spent months dealing with the thought of divorcing and once I decided I was ready I got another 4 months before it was filed, I think I'm as content as I can be that it is what is needed. There is no desire to try and fix things, no hope that she will change her mind, just a readiness to end our legal bond.
As for Alaska, My mom had a trip to Paris scheduled with my dad, he got sick and passed away unexpectedly 2 months before the trip, it was on her "bucket list". I have no interest in going to Paris, but I know Alaska was also also on that list, so I planned a trip for August with her. Two weeks RVing with mom will be time well spent, I'm really looking forward to it.
Tread, I'm sorry to hear that your D is moving forward, your sitch is still relatively recent and I imagine that your emotions are still really swirling. Just know that they do level out, and when you think you're good, you'll still get better. Your only two years older than I was when I met my wife, you've still got plenty of time to grow new roots and rebuild a new life...
AS, D is a tough thing to go through, but I'm also looking at it as a way to start moving forward. I would not want to be dating someone and ever be able to refer to another person as my wife, so although I don't have anyone in mind, I'm ready to be free to see that possibility in others that I meet. I do not see anything my W could say or do that would cause me to even consider reconciling, it's just not something I want, I really believe I'm emotionally prepared to get D. Although I do hope that one day I'll be ok with being around her for my sons sake, but I'm not there yet.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
Last weekend my buddy had a Christmas party at his Ranch, it was a pretty good group of people, some friends, neighbors, some people who go to the Ranch for horse back riding lessons or board their horses there. Anyway, I always enjoy going to their party's because they are filled with native North Carolinians, I live in a city where everyone is from somewhere else and came here for military, but up in his area it's mostly farmers, ranchers, etc. I really enjoy talking to them, and most of them are great story tellers and because of what they do for a living, generally have some great stories.
But anyway, I ran into my old friend from high school, the one that became friends with my ex and was the only friend of hers that supported the A... I had really dreaded when I heard she was moving to NC, I just don't / didn't want her in my life. Anyway, I saw her around the party a couple of times, she didn't try and talk to me and I didn't acknowledge her, which was easy for the most part as there were a lot of people there. But towards the end of the night, it was down to just about 8 of us, and it became a little awkward, and I'm not really sure how I want to handle it. I have no interest in being friends with her, I'm not interested in anything she has to say, but I don't want to make it awkward for my buddy either, or make them have to choose "which" friend to invite over, etc. It just feels wrong to even have small talk with someone who I don't like or respect.
Today's my birthday so of course I'm getting a lot of calls, texts and facebook messages wishing me a happy bday.. and the STBXW texts and says:
"Happy Birthday. I'm sure you don't want to hear from me but I took son skydiving for his birthday & I wanted to send you some of the photos from his jump." and then sends me some pictures of him skydiving.
I replied "cool, he must of loved that", and she replied "He absolutely loved it. That's what he wanted for his 18th so I took him"... end of text.
Now, his birthday was two weeks ago, so I have to imagine that they didn't go sky diving today or yesterday, so I got a little frustrated that she waited to send the pics until my birthday.
Her birthday was 1 week ago, and while I did realize it, I certainly didn't acknowledge it. She could have sent those pics at anytime, but she waited to my birthday (and I'm assuming) so she could wish me a happy birthday.
The thought of her trying to play nice with me, for whatever reason, makes me sick. I do NOT want her in my life at all, I have no interest in trying to work things out and I don't want to be friends with her. At some point, I hope to be able to be in the vicinity of her without it being awkward (like at my sons graduation, or wedding, or whatever), but that's not something I'm trying to work on right now.
I'm starting to realize that I don't know how to treat people in my life that I don't necessarily like. Usually, if I don't like you, I just erase you from my life.. But now I have two people that would require me avoiding my best friend or my son to erase from my life, and I'm not willing to make that sacrifice for either of them.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
I received the letter from the court yesterday with the date of our D hearing, January 10th, 2017. Little sadness while reading the letter, knowing what it means, but overall not much of an emotional swing. I imagine the actual hearing will be tough, but I've decided to make it a quick overnight trip, and will fly in the night before, and leave at night after the hearing.
I struggled with whether or not to spend a couple of days with family afterwards, but decided I'd rather be alone. Hopefully that is a good decision, but just have to wait and see.
Also got a text from STBXW yesterday asking me if I want to take our dog, we had 2 but one passed away earlier this year and apparently the one is too much for her and son to care for.. So I'm headed down to FL tomorrow to spend a week with family and will likely be heading back with the best dog ever pretty happy about that.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
pretty happy about that.