Thank you for all the supportive messages and good to know that other people have been through similar things and are doing well.
I'm getting on with things and feel good. My husband sent me an email yesterday saying that he is trying to change and that he wants to meet and talk and that 'he cares about me and always will that he has always wanted a baby and to go through pregnancy things, so wants to make sure I am ok. And also that he has been having lots of dreams about me and the situation'.
I am skeptical about any change when he seems so unstable, 3 weeks ago he was telling me I wasn't being civil and now I get the complete opposite. Without some professional input I don't think he can change at all. Because he will still be surrounded by the same people and doing the same thing.
I would be willing to talk if he has something of consequence to say about the practicalities moving forward, but not sure if that will happen.
I'm getting on with things and feel good. My husband sent me an email yesterday saying that he is trying to change and that he wants to meet and talk and that 'he cares about me and always will that he has always wanted a baby and to go through pregnancy things, so wants to make sure I am ok. And also that he has been having lots of dreams about me and the situation'.
I am skeptical about any change when he seems so unstable, 3 weeks ago he was telling me I wasn't being civil and now I get the complete opposite. Without some professional input I don't think he can change at all. Because he will still be surrounded by the same people and doing the same thing.
You are right to be skeptical. Just keep up the limited contact. He'll try to temperature check you now and then to see if you're waiting for him, just ignore it. If he has a big awakening and wants to recon, he will make that very clear to you.
Yes he is definitely doing that. Was sending emails at the weekend saying that he missed me and we could be a family and asked if I would take him back. But no acknowledgement of anything just words and no serious action. I haven't engaged much other than to tell him to seek professional help and that I wanted to see action and not meaningless words. To which he then just ignored and decided to change his profile picture on social media to one of himself and the OW.
I would rather he just left me alone entirely, as its annoying and disrupting having him send these emails. I find it difficult to understand why he does it and what he seeks to achieve by continuing to lie, be deceitful and manipulative.
Yes he is definitely doing that. Was sending emails at the weekend saying that he missed me and we could be a family and asked if I would take him back. But no acknowledgement of anything just words and no serious action. I haven't engaged much other than to tell him to seek professional help and that I wanted to see action and not meaningless words.
You are very brave and doing EXACTLY what you should be doing!
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To which he then just ignored and decided to change his profile picture on social media to one of himself and the OW.
And that tells you that you were right to be skeptical! Wow what a jerk move on his part.
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I would rather he just left me alone entirely, as its annoying and disrupting having him send these emails. I find it difficult to understand why he does it and what he seeks to achieve by continuing to lie, be deceitful and manipulative.
He does it because he wants it all. He wants his nice little marriage and he wants his fling on the side. It must be very annoying to him that you're not on board with his plans.
I met with my husband yesterday for an hour. I wanted it time limited and I had my yoga class straight after and a counselling session the following morning, to make sure I was not feeling stressed by meeting with him.
Although I found the meeting confusing rather than stressful. He was nice and very interested in what was going on with my pregnancy, saying he doesn't like that I am going through it without him. He voluntarily agreed to child support, which is helpful so I don't have to go through the agencies. But he is still confused and conflicted about what he is doing and does not seem to be able to make a decision about anything.
The OW does know and has told him he is to have nothing to do with the baby and to ignore it. Which I guess says it all about the person he is with. But that is for him to deal with.
I did end up feeling a bit sad for him and his situation and his obvious confusion, as he has no one to talk to, but I can't help with that. I wasn't expecting to have those feelings, but meeting in person is so different to messaging and emails, so it was helpful to have my appointment with my counsellor in the morning.
I feel positive the meeting is out of the way and I can carry on getting on with things.
It's nice to hear you're in touch with your husband and there's some interest on his part. It sounds like there's always a chance he could come back and be ready to re-commit someday but you may or may not want that. It's even better that you're able to stay so balanced and handle everything so well. I hope things move in the right direction for you!
Can I say how strong you sound! You amaze me with what you are going through. So glad you had a positive meeting with your H even if it was confusing. I'm sure he's feeling very confused too. Keep doing what you're doing, the yoga, counselling and small bite sized meetings with H. I wish you well, take care x
Me 50 H 48 S 23 S 21 D 19 Together 31 years Married 25 years Separated April 2009 Reconciled 2010 Separated September 2017
Thanks, I do still find it difficult at times. But hoping it will get easier as the time goes on.
I have my 20 week scan next week and I gave my husband the option to come if he wanted. I don't think he will, but I thought it only fair to ask. He emailed me to say that he is going to talk to his occupational health at work, I hope he does, but I feel like it is best to have no or very low expectations about anything when it comes to him.
It would be nice to have some certainty from him in terms of whether he is going to be involved or not, but I don't think that is going to happen any time soon.
Probably best to keep on keeping on with your stuff, if he comes along for the journey good, if not, as you said there were no expectations, so no fresh pain.
I got a lot of vague promises in the past...maybe I'll go to IC, maybe this maybe that...it was all bs and I knew it.
So exciting for the 20 week scan, focus on that beautiful photo you'll soon have in your hands. Keep well.
Me 50 H 48 S 23 S 21 D 19 Together 31 years Married 25 years Separated April 2009 Reconciled 2010 Separated September 2017
Had my scan and it was amazing, my husband is such an idiot for missing the scan, it was unbelievable how much you can see. I'm having a boy!!
My husband now says he wasn't to be involved, though its still all non committal, no detail on what that means and just the odd text. I'll wait and see how long consistent he is with that.
But i'm more focussed on the baby at the moment and all the fun and exciting things coming up.
