Been away from here for 4 months so I'm starting a new thread.
Story so far,in April 2016, I got the ILYBNILWY speech, W then informed me that she had meet someone else and that she had a opportunity to have a relationship with this OM (60 year old single guy). W asked at point for a separation, I stupidly believed the wife was having an EA only. We split up as W wouldn't give up OM, start arrangement for selling family home. W broken down after 5 weeks and stating she had made a massive mistake and still love me, by this point PA had been going on 8 weeks.
W from this point agreed NC, and was very remorseful and full of regret regarding her actions. We agreed to work on our M and decide a to have a fresh start and move to a new house in a new area. We started to attend MC, IC to work though our issues.
By August 2016 we were in our new house, things had process and we were making progress, I was still dealing with all the issues of my W actions.
F
Then bombshell number 2 was dropped, to check on whether NC was being kept, I download W phone messages. NC was in place no problem, however I found messages dating back to 2015 to OM2. When challenged W admitted to another short PA, but without full intercourse but other sexual acts . I was destroyed, but having committed to reconciliation, which involved moving house, moving kids school etc and the fact I still loved my W, I decide to try and make thing work.
One week later bombshell number 3
W admitted to a further PA with OM3, once again no full intercourse but other sexual acts, at this point I felt like folding, but somehow am still hold on and hope to save my M.
Still here still fighting, dealing with one day at a time.
here are the links to my old one, for anyone who wants to now the full story.
So still together, still working on piecing our M hopefully back together.
Just feel I need help from some of the old timers on here, who maybe able to give me advice.
I still have great difficulty believing that there are no more skeletons in the cupboard after some much covering up from W.
I'm also having difficulty living with the fact my W had a fully on relationship with OM, including staying over at his for a minimum of 6-7 nights, that they discussed an looked at houses together, that they had nights out together etc.
Just feel like I can't move on!
Me: 40 W: 36 T21 M17 S12 D10 D10 ILYBNILWY EA happened. PA happened. June 2016 trying to piece our M and life's back together...
Sorry to hear that your going through this. That's why I would prefer for a W to just rip the bandaid off. Instead of slowing pulling at it. If I were you, I would sit down and just have her confess all her sins. And just get it out the way. You're clearly moving on, but she just keeps dropping these bombs on you every other week it seems. Holding on the lies by your W is literally messing up the progression you both are clearly making in the MR.
Hi Tread, I've tried to get her to be upfront and honest, she says she has been, but the months and months of lying, I have no really trust left! When someone has sworn on your children life's and they have still lied, it's hard to trust!
Hi Thornton
We got together when she was 15, she was a virgin and had never experienced much. About 2 years ago she lost about 7 stone by running, turn from someone who looked like a mum into a stunning lady. Her group of friends started going out, over time guys hitting on her all the time, she felt like she had missed out and started to become addicted to the attention. Didn't help that her friend had a number of affairs and keep telling her how good it was! Her ego got bigger and bigger until it popped once she realised she had ruin everything!
Me: 40 W: 36 T21 M17 S12 D10 D10 ILYBNILWY EA happened. PA happened. June 2016 trying to piece our M and life's back together...
I guess the real question to ask with all the lying she is still doing, has it really popped. I wonder if subconsciously that is part of the problem you are having with the past lies. I am not trying to put a damper on your R. God knows I wish I could get there but just looking at it as if I was dealing with it.
it's crazy the options that we are left with after an A takes place, do we end the M and mourn the loss of it and of everything we knew in our lives to be true; or do we fight to save our M, and to find it in our self to be vulnerable enough to once again trust the WS to be committed to the MR, to truly be committed to a lifetime commitment through the good and bad?
Neither choice is right or wrong, and neither chose is easy, but I fully believe the hardest path, is the path of rebuilding a MR. But as it stands, I believe that those who follow that path, and see it through, have the most to gain in the end.
I didn't have the opportunity to follow that path, I never saw a place where my WW was even partially willing to re-commit, so I chose to end the M. In the short term, it is definitely the fastest route to finding happiness, to refocus on self and just do things that you enjoy doing. but in the back of my mind I know that I will one day have to re-enter a R, I will have to trust someone and I will need to put in the work to hopefully fall in love and build a solid relationship, and there will not be any guarantees that it will last either. What I do know, is that I don't want to be alone for ever, so I feel like I'm putting off what those who chose the other path are doing now.
Have you gone back and read Bluwave's sitch, she's two years in and still struggles, but she continues to persevere... read through her sitch if you haven't, it will at least show that you are not alone in the struggles of piecing..
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
So still together, still working on piecing our M hopefully back together.
Just feel I need help from some of the old timers on here, who maybe able to give me advice.
I still have great difficulty believing that there are no more skeletons in the cupboard after some much covering up from W.
I'm also having difficulty living with the fact my W had a fully on relationship with OM, including staying over at his for a minimum of 6-7 nights, that they discussed an looked at houses together, that they had nights out together etc.
Just feel like I can't move on!
Blueboy, sorry for your pain in this. I'm in a very similar situation in that my W is very committed into her relationship with OM, planning their life, etc. He's also 16 years older than her. I have to remind myself that they're both just living in a fantasy world and one day the bubble will burst.
But, my W is also on A number 3 as far as I know. I don't know either if I fully want her back if she were to be remorseful, admit her wrong and work to rebuild trust. The locked smart phone can be the absolute worst device in a marriage. I struggle so much with what I would accept if she were to go NC with her A. I just don't know. But I'm not at that point right now and may never be.
Keep posting. We're all here for you.
Me46 W46 M25yrs T29yrs 4 children ILYBNILWY 1/30/17 PA confronted 3/6/17 Separated same house
