I'm so sorry that things haven't been going so well for you. The problem is that if you start reaching out to him, you might pick up the old habit of trying to reason w/him and right now, he doesn't want to hear it.
Does he have a birthday coming up? If so, you may try sending him a nice card, text and/or email...but keep it very generic and no relationship mush.
The best thing you can do is give him space and time. If he's not said he doesn't love you, then that's a good sign, at least to me. There is always hope in any situation and you have to have faith in the man upstairs to heal your h and help him see the bigger picture.
For now, continue to focus on you and your life. Live your life to the fullest. Sometimes, when they see us moving on, they will reach out to us. Maybe that's what he needs to see, i.e., a happy, self confident, independent judela. Think back to when you first met him...that's the person you need to look at. Somewhere along the way you lost yourself and it's not just you...we all have done this because of our careers and just life in general. Be the best judela you can be. I know you can do it.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
This advice will be short but you need to detach, 180 and GAL. Letting go of your H is the best thing you can do to get him back. Put all of your focus on you right now. Learn to see that you can have an AWESOME life without him. This will give you confidence and will show him what he is missing if he chooses to not be a part of it. Finding yourself first is what needs to happen before you can find your way back to your M. If you are honest in making changes for the better for YOU, he WILL eventually notice and appreciate those changes. He still needs to do whatever it is that he needs to do in his life but at that point, you are no longer the issue. Fix yourself to fix your M.
Me: 48 y/o W: 47 y/o Together: > 20 yrs BD: Dec '15, then S 2nd BD: Mar '16, then I filed for D April '16: started piecing
Thank you so much for that advice.. I really needed to hear it. I will keep on working on myself and praying. He has a birthday on June 29 as well as Fathers Day. I feel so low right now and I need this kind of positive advice as it really does help.
judeinla W 52 H 56 bomb dropped 6/17/16 H filed 7/2/16 Still Separated
Congrats on your new job and joining the gym. You have made excellent progress.
Focus all of your time, effort and energy on being the best Judela and mom that only a fool would leave. What were you like before you were married? What activities did you enjoy before you moved to CA?
Have you read Divorce Remedy?
Cristy
Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
Hi Judela, Take the advice (and it sounds like you are!) of the good people on here. We don't all always agree on the best course of action, but you alone know your situation best, so look at all the advice and go with what feels like the right thing, then on down the road, if that's not working, maybe try something else. The main thing needs to be JUDELA getting stronger and happier, the rest will fall in place one way or the other, but you'll be ready to handle it. Hang in there!!!
M-60 H-51 M-14 years BD 12/26/16 S 1/1/17
"First the pain, then the rising." Glennon Doyle Melton
thank you so much ., you are right on and the more positive reinforcement I receive from this forum the better I start to feel, I feel encouraged and supported which I need!
judeinla W 52 H 56 bomb dropped 6/17/16 H filed 7/2/16 Still Separated
