Hi Coly, firstly I would approach meeting up on Sunday as a catch up with a former colleague or not very close friend. Stay for an hour and then have somewhere to be. Have some light chat and then excuse yourself and go about your day.
My suggested responses would be as follows:
2. Thanks H. I'm not sure how that would work for me - but I'll give that some thought..
3. Okay H - thanks I appreciate hearing that direct from you. I have plans now, so I'll say goodbye & take care.
Hope this helps Coly...and JMHO of course :-)
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hey Sotto, thanks so much for your comments. I need to keep saying it to myself over and over again that he is just a colleague that I haven't seen for a while.
I like your suggested responses especially the response to him telling me he is seeing someone else. I think it will be better than just walking away.
This has really helped, thanks so much! X
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
Coly, my advice which has worked very well for me:
First of all he will probably say nothing of the above at all, but let's say he does and it's a bomb drop in your lap of any variety. Just say, wow, ok.. let me think about that. Best response is no response. Ages ago, I'd respond to H with long emails about how I felt-- bad move! Lesser ages ago I'd feel he deserved a response right then and there to whatever it was he said. I don't do that anymore at all! hugs.
me 42 H 32 T 7yr M 6yr BD 5/2016 ILYBNILWY Separated 7/2016
Oh I do hope you are right Altair in that he won't bring up anything controversial. When we used to meet for coffee last year we didn't ever have any R conversations so I am hoping that will still be the case.
You are also right in that the less said the better. Unfortunately I am one of those people who feels very uncomfortable with long silences so I am going to have to do a lot of lip chewing to stop myself from trying to fill them!
You know I was just thinking about how we left it the last time I saw H when I cried bitterly and begged him to come home. I think H is being very brave asking me out for coffee in the knowledge I might get clingy again. Soo I therefore need to make sure I do a 180 and remain calm and serene. I can do this!!!
Last edited by job; 05/03/1704:45 AM. Reason: Corrected a word "unfortunately" for poster
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
I know what you mean about the long silences. H and I go rock climbing once a week and sometimes I run out of small talk for the car. I suggested that we find a book we both like so that I can read out loud to him. We used to drive a lot together, and he really liked it when I read to him and it's a space filler while also feeling like "together" activity. Probably would be weird at coffee though =).
BD#1: "marriage is over" 9/14/2016 H in basement 24/7 with EX/OM BD#2: 3/20/2017 I plan to move out "soon" I LRT me: 42, H, 41, EX/OM, 37 D 10, Son 7 M to H = 20 years EX/OM moved in 10 years ago
I always try to plan everything out and think everything out. Have a response for everything. Unfortunately, it just doesn't work. In the moment, whatever it is will still be hard to process, whether good or bad. I will be thinking about you Sunday and hoping it is all good for you.
Well my overactive mind is, well, overacting! I just want get Sunday over and done with! I don't know why I feel so nervous and scared. I think it's because he has suggested it and that makes me suspicious. I keep wondering why he would want to see me if he keeps saying he doesn't want to give me any hope?
I know during this seven weeks I have changed alot. Before I would be thinking of things to say to H to make him realise what an idiot he has been but this time as he has asked me for coffee, I'm going to leave all the talking to him.
Happy weekend everyone! X
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
Breathe! I realize your radar is in full swing wondering the whys, the what ifs, etc....but you need to tamp those questions down for now. I would look at this as an opportunity to see where he's at and also for you to show him that you are doing great. This is your opportunity to win the drama award for best actress. Do not show him that you are a nervous wreck...show this man an independent, self assured woman.
Stay positive! He does miss you and your daughter and this may be his way to see if you are right where he left you...lady, not in this life time...show him you are moving forward and not sitting there waiting for a call or text from him.
You can do this!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
You are right. It's a good opportunity to show him my changes and also the fact that me and D are getting on with our lives with or without him.
When I got home from work I did my exercise DVD and did lots of kicking and punching (all part of the exercise off course!) and managed to get a lot of that frustration out of my system. I also bought a couple of cute tops in my lunch hour and I've decided to wear one on Sunday when I meet up with H because it made me feel super s3xy!!
I'm going to go with an open mind and I'm going to believe that maybe he might also be worried and scared and confused and that he doesn't have the upper hand!
A very small part of me is hoping he is missing me/us, Job, and that is why he has asked to meet up. I can only hope ....
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
