Wow, his mind is very befuddled! I didn't realise he has continued to contact you. I think as you say for now it is good to carry on with that connection but IMHO, after you D I think he needs to understand the consequences of that and realise that you aren't going to be readily available to him.
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
(((Altair))), you are very brave. He does not know what he is losing and his idea of wiping the slate clean to start over, maybe with you, is just so drastic. I really hope that the six months might give him time to think about the consequences.
xx
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
Coly Unfortunately, you and I know what divorce is like-- probably why we are here, standing. H doesn't have this experience (plus he is in a deep tunnel)
He's worse now than before. Gaining weight, drinking, dark circles under eyes from not being able to sleep, I mean he looks terrible. Says he can't think straight. It's really hard to watch.
Last edited by job; 05/02/1702:01 PM. Reason: Added spacing between paragraphs
me 42 H 32 T 7yr M 6yr BD 5/2016 ILYBNILWY Separated 7/2016
I remember in the early days of mediation, exh told me that he never wanted this to happen, and he loves me. I asked why we couldn't move forward with mediation while working on our marriage. He said he'd been advised that working on a marriage while going through the divorce process didn't usually end well and that maybe after we were divorced we could work on our relationship
????
He wouldn't say who told him that. My suspicion was his lawyer, who played him like a fiddle to the tune of thousands of dollars when it should have been far less. He ended up firing her.
We never know what it is they are going through, who is advising them, etc. The only thing we can do is breathe, think about what we want, and hold steady. I'm sorry your sitch has progressed to this. So unnecessary when you both clearly love each other.
Focus on what you want. Keep breathing. We are here for you. xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Bttrfly, Thank you for this. My brain is so fried I don't recall if I've ever commented on your sitch. But I have been reading it, for sure. Quote of the day: "So unnecessary when you both clearly love each other." This. As you know, H needs to D to get to some other place, and finds this necessary to do. Papers came. I have been served. I told ...I guess i need to use STBXH.... that they came and he said he was sorry and he loved me and sorry it came to this. Which leads us back to what you were saying bttrfly. Should be an interesting month- IC going on vacation for an entire month (must be nice, need to get that job lol) so it'll be some deep internal work, I think. I need to digest the last year of my life. Wishing you all well. I, as I have said and have seen written often, don't post too much on other's sitches because I'm feeling frozen these days. But there's been a few inspiring posts lately from people much farther along on the journey, these do keep me going.
me 42 H 32 T 7yr M 6yr BD 5/2016 ILYBNILWY Separated 7/2016
Your stbx makes me scratch my head. As do all MLCers, for that matter. It really seems like this d is something he needs to get clarity for himself. From my vantage point, he seems like a lost soul. With that, I am so surprised that he continues to verbalize love for you. So strange how they can say one thing and do another.
Well, not sure this is helpful, but just wanted to pop in and let you know I'm thinking of you. Stay well!
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
Altair, I am so sorry for your situation. So different from mine. Mine is cold and heartless. We hear nothing for weeks then he drops in on the kids lives again, stays a week or two and leaves again. No kindness, no talk of love or respect. Nothing. And so far he won't even sign the separation contract he asked for.
Your H obviously cares about you very much, but is lost in his own world. Just wondering if you've ever read alisuddenly's posts. I saw someone mention them so I read them. Wow, that woman had a ride. Her guy also kept expressing interest in her. The story does have a happy ending.
I hope that the pain and the numbness wear off for you and that you can find a clear path for yourself in all this mess.
Yeah, it's been quite a roller coaster ride. Haven't heard from him in awhile. Well, he is moving soon, 3,000 miles away, so looks like it's heading for the end.
me 42 H 32 T 7yr M 6yr BD 5/2016 ILYBNILWY Separated 7/2016
It may be look like it's heading for the end, but don't assume here. Yes, he's filed and moving 3,000 miles away, but he will still have some contact w/you. A friend of mine, who was on this forum for a number of years, had a MLCing h would moved across country and he stayed in touch w/her periodically. Eventually he returned to back to the area and ended up purchasing another place, all the while paying the mortgage on the home that his wife was living. As far as I know, he's still MIA and she's still living in the home and no divorce as taken place. I do not think your story is over. I still think he's going to be in touch w/you quite a bit...but you will need to decide just how much or how little. That one little thread has not broken and that is the only life line he has w/his old life and he's not ready to cut it and completely walk away. There is always hope...but again, you will need to decide what you want and how much contact you want w/him once he moves.
Moving across country is him running away and searching for something that will make him happy. Nothing will do this until he faces his issues and comes to realize that happiness comes from within and not from outside sources.
Just remember, nothing is as it appears. Oh, yeah, he's going to project a happy little camper for a bit, but I give him about 6-9 months and his euphoria will begin to wind down and life will enter back into the picture and he's going to start to find fault w/everything in the new place and also w/work.
Dig deeper for patience and sit quietly, for the answers will only revealed when you do so. While he's on his search for happiness, I see you moving on w/your life and living it to the fullest. Don't look back...look forward.
