First time here

[Dawgs]

leahsue,

It seems that you are doing better than a lot on here. You are doing great and your road is paved in gold. Keep it up, my friend?

[leahsue]

Jeep, Thanks, but I have learned the hard way to take nothing at face value. I am hopeful, praying for the best, but preparing for the worst. Good luck tomorrow in your meeting. All of us here have your back. I'm sure you still have very painful moments, but it seems you've stepped up to the plate and stood strong, and your kids are so lucky to have you.

[leahsue]

Hi everyone,
I haven't posted in a few days, but I really need some "veteran" insight into the near future. I've been fully following the 37 rules since I found this forum, and possibly it is making a difference. I've totally backed off any contact. H has slowly begun to communicate with me, first with texts about bills, etc., then last week a random "how was your day?" text. I responded eventually with a very upbeat, my day was great, and listed a few things I'd done, all very GAL type things. I was polite but not really engaged. The texts have slowly turned into phone calls, and sometimes I answer, but sometimes I don't- just depending on if I feel like talking to him. I'm not afraid of losing him anymore. I already lost him once, and I survived. Now he's asked about his coming south for a visit..... I have very mixed feelings about this. My body and soul aches for him, and I very much want to begin a rebuilding of a relationship, but of course there is anxiety about opening my heart up again. Any thoughts on if I should agree to a visit, is it too soon, and if I do agree, what should that visit look like? I'm leaning toward saying OK, but that I don't know where I want this relationship to go, and since he has said he doesn't either, maybe this visit can be less heavy discussion about how we got here, what went wrong, and be more about just starting over and getting to know each other again, just having fun together. Please give me some advice! I welcome all honest thoughts and opinions!!!

[Dawgs]

just having fun together

I would say, if anything, to make it lean towards this. No relationship talk or the like.

Now, for something you may not want to hear...my ex did the same thing. Texts turned into calls. We went out. A lot. Did all the things - but there never was any romantic/sexy time/etc. What I thought was a light at the end of the tunnel turned out to be an on-coming train. She was softening me up to be friends/buddies, nothing else.

I'd say do it but with no expectations. Maybe he will talk, maybe he won't. You, however, DO NOT INITIATE RELATIONSHIP talks. Period.

You are doing well, my friend. Keep it up!

[leahsue]

Thanks, Jeep. I agree with everything you said. I don't need to drink much alcohol either, b/c I know that makes me so much more - what- vulnerable/bad judge of what to say/drunk? LOL.
I hope you're doing OK.

[kgomez]

I totally can relate to how you feel!!! :-(

[Dawgs]

Thanks, Jeep. I agree with everything you said. I don't need to drink much alcohol either, b/c I know that makes me so much more - what- vulnerable/bad judge of what to say/drunk? LOL.
I hope you're doing OK.

Leahsue, how are you? Just be yourself...yeah, alcohol may be a no-go. You are doing fine!

I'm doing well, thank you for asking.

[Dawgs]

SpacemanSpiff at tacomaworld as you asked in the other thread.

[leahsue]

Hi friends,
I haven't posted on my thread lately because things have been looking up for my situation, but I have kept up with a few other people's threads and tried to be an encouragement. I need some today. I feel so sad, and just can't stop tears from silently just falling. Not the wracking, deep sobs of a few months ago (thank God) but more of a quiet, sad despair.
My H has begun to call and text, and we plan to meet for a weekend soon, just to see where we are and how we both feel. I have been feeling really good about the prospect, but today all I can think about is- he hasn't even sad I'm sorry, for abandoning you, for sleeping with someone else, for ignoring your calls and texts, and I could keep going but you get it. He called today while I was in church and left a voice mail. He was chewing food while he was talking and was just so casual saying I was trying to make your chicken salad but I couldn't remember blah blah- and I thought- how can you just call like that like nothing has happened? That is so weird for me to be having these thoughts now, after weeks of having really good, casual conversations with him, and feeling fine about it. I read somewhere here that forgiveness is about accepting an apology that never comes. Surely when he sees me in person, he will say, Hey, I sure am sorry about the hell I just put you through. Or will he expect me to just be so thankful to have him back that I will pretend right along with him that it never happened? I just feel shaky and scared today, and just needed to vent. Also I am sick physically-hopefully allergies and not getting the flu- so I know that's affecting me too. Plus it's the first time I've been sick since BD, and now I think- I really AM alone. Is this what my future will look like?

[hawker]

Keep coming here for encouragement, we understand what you are going through. It is weird how they are so casual about what's happening. My ex texted me after our D was final to tell me about a new dermatologist she went to and recommended to me and our friends. I thought to myself really??? So strange.

Hang in there.