Hi jujuB, I have started speaking to one of the db counselors and she has been very good. She's recommended cultivating the friendship which is what I've been doing this week, and it has had positive effects.
I understand as is having difficulties coping with everything and I've tried to help her get help from different people. I've struggled to help her through it cause sometimes I don't know what to do. I try to be loving, caring and compassionate, but sometimes I fail.
I've even called her family and said that she needs some extra help and I'm struggling to help her, but they'll only call once and then nothing after that. I don't think they even know about the post traumatic stress that she's recently been diagnosed with.
She doesn't get on with my family, so I can't get their help.
She can hide things very well, so alot of her friends have no idea. I've called a few of them and asked them to take her out for dinner and a movie on a few occasions because she's had a rough day with the kids.
We haven't been out together (just her and I) for a long time cause she won't leave the kids with my family, and she doesn't have much family here in Sydney. Ive arranged for baby sitters a few times, but it gets expensive.
Hi jujuB, I have started speaking to one of the db counselors and she has been very good. She's recommended cultivating the friendship which is what I've been doing this week, and it has had positive effects.
I understand as is having difficulties coping with everything and I've tried to help her get help from different people. I've struggled to help her through it cause sometimes I don't know what to do. I try to be loving, caring and compassionate, but sometimes I fail.
I've even called her family and said that she needs some extra help and I'm struggling to help her, but they'll only call once and then nothing after that. I don't think they even know about the post traumatic stress that she's recently been diagnosed with.
She doesn't get on with my family, so I can't get their help.
She can hide things very well, so alot of her friends have no idea. I've called a few of them and asked them to take her out for dinner and a movie on a few occasions because she's had a rough day with the kids.
We haven't been out together (just her and I) for a long time cause she won't leave the kids with my family, and she doesn't have much family here in Sydney. Ive arranged for baby sitters a few times, but it gets expensive.
Quick update. During a general discussion today, my wife mentioned that she feels like sometimes she wants to distance herself from everything that reminds her of loosing our son, like our shop, our home and me.
I feel like saying "how will getting a divorce make things better?" I haven't said that and I won't. Just feeling angry, but sad for her at the same time.
I feel angry cause I feel like our family unit will be punished by something that was out of our control. I feel anger towards her brother's wife. She was in the delivery room when our son was being born and the doctors said they wanted to operate rather than progress with the natural birth and she said that they should keep trying to deliver naturally. Our son passed as he suffered severe brain damage due to lack of oxygen 30 minutes before he was born. Q
That's a lot to deal with. Why did the doctor listen to your SIL? Did she convince your W to proceed with natural birth?
I'm not sure why they listened to her. I overheard bits and pieces of it in the background while I was with my W trying to support her through the contractions. I'm angry with myself for not taking more action and also feel blame for our son's death. I didn't realise how serious things were at that stage. My W didn't know anything about it until we met with our obstetrician about a month after our son's passing, and to be honest, I didn't connect the dots until then.
hi all. so my wife has gone interstate and is staying with her mother. its only been 4 days, but ive missed her and the kids. its been quite difficult. We've spoken a few times every day. I found out kast night that our littlest one (almost 12 months), took her first steps. it tore me apart knowing that ive missed it. ive been speaking to her brother and a different sister in law, and they are upset with my wife as they know she wont get the support she needs from her mother. they are upset that shes taken the kids away from me (albeit for a couple of months). they are upset cause she has basically made it difficult for our kids to see me (because of the distance). her brother said that i do too much for her and that she taken it for granted. hes suggested i dont contact her for a while so she can appreciate the support i guve her. i believe this is called going dark? or something like that. ill be seeing them all in about 10 days for our littlest ones first birthday. what does everyone recommend?
another update. W is thinking about coming back to sydney as she is nkt getting the help she thought she would. she wants to come back, but into her own place so she bas time to heal and to decide if she can or wants to work on the marriage. im nkt sure when she's coming back to sydney as she wants to find somewhere to stay first. Any advice on what i should do or the best way to handle everything?
Maybe treat her as a friend coming back? I mean, offer support and help but don't go overboard.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I think I have been going a bit overboard. Ive been there (on the phone) when she's had issues with her family interstate) and I'm helping her find a place back in Sydney. We normally speak 2 to 3 times a day and I'm starting to think that I might need to cut it back to every second day. I'd be interested to know what people thought.
I was with her and the kids last weekend for about 4 days and we pretty much spent the whole time together (with the kids as well). We had a few hours to ourselves on my last day there and she said she enjoyed that time. We slept in the same bed each nighy and we were loving towards each other the whole weekend.
