Going back through your old posts, it seems like your biggest issue is that you never continued with MC which would have given you the tools to succeed, AA will not help a marriage. Just the addiction.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Thank you Bond. Yes we didnt follow up w MC. Then when I tried to talk about it, he was no longer willing to do it.
We tried MC in the beginning but he wouldnt open up. And i didnt want to be the only one talking which is what happened when we were going to MC while we separated.
The MC would say, wow u guys are the poster couple for coparenting bcuz he never wanted ppl to see our problems.
He was brought up to act "as if" always. The problem is he never really reflected on his own defaults. And now were seeing his biggest default. Runs away from relationships and his depression can only be solved by outside forces.
Regardless, Im working hard on surrending today. The kids will be with him all day and im doing my GALs.
*Neither one of us is in AA. I am part of Al Anom and hes a attended a few NA mtgs.
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
I had such a great boost to my self esteem that i have to share. I have serious ptsd about returning to the gym where i confronted OW 5yrs ago. Today, thanks to a friend, i went to the gym and worked out. I shared that god awful experience in detail. I wanted to rewire my brain and create new pathways to my neurons.
It was great. Liberating.
Btw, H is in the ILB... stage. Classic. I said, oh so u still think there r 2 different types of love. And went to bed.
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
Lol. Thanks. I am so over that idea. When he said it 5 years ago I fell apart. Today, im like...sounds like you need to do some leg work on our relationship.
I read up mr on detaching. I decided that when he starts talking about moving out, i imagine the kids and i getting a dog now that hes gone. Our mastiff died last yr and he hasnt wanted to get another dog. I will start salsa classes. I was always waiting for him. Forget that. I will conquer my ptsd.
Today i went to the gym for the first time where i confronted OW 5 yrs ago. It was scary but liberating.
Also, i dont know if this is ok but im going to kiss him when i get home. He'll probably be but im gonna do it and know it wont go anywhere. I usually do it expecting something and feel devasted when he doesnt return the affection.
Ill see how i feel when i get home.
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
Yesterday SO brought up money talk using the (after we separate) undertone. Those conversations are very difficult for me to hear. They catch me by surprise. They come when we are having a nice conversation about our day.
I know now he does it with such ease because our talk is going great. Hes thinking, oh she can handle this. Look at how well we're getting along.
He must've tried reading my expression. I said nothing but froze. He backpedaled and said, oh right we agreed "you" spend the tax money on rebuilding the porch.
I thank God I was able to recover from that last night after going to a mtg. Last week it took me the entire weekend to get past it.
I keep thinking, I dont want to separate but I dont want our old relationship back. I pray that God help me to let him do his work. I pray that I dont meddle in Gods plan for us.
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
