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Re: ....... [Re: Underdog] #2725987
01/17/17 06:45 AM
01/17/17 06:45 AM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,590
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Ginger1 Offline OP
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Ginger1  Offline OP
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Hey Betsey!

I D has only mentioned a few times that her Dad's house is messy, but never got into detail. My D probably likes it because she doesn't have to clean up after herself. My ex was so anal, that I cannot imagine he is living this way. It is truly awful. I feel like I need to say something.

Moving so many times, I have learned to purge, so I don't have a lot to move. Every new piece of clothing I have that comes in, one has to go out too! I am taking D9 clothes shopping this weekend (that kid is growing) and she has to do the same.

I've been learning a lot of lessons lately, I feel so educated and enlightened, lol. I am just rolling on through, dealing with my realities right now. I don't some of my realities right now, but what am I going to do? My perspective kind of stinks right now, I feel like I will be alone forever. I've stopped envisioning what I want, because it is too painful to think of because I can't seem to get it. So right now everything is a blank page.

Did you call me the other night, bets?

Re: ....... [Re: Ginger1] #2726021
01/17/17 12:15 PM
01/17/17 12:15 PM
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 6,756
Denver
Underdog Offline
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Underdog  Offline
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Denver
Good for you!

I've learned to love being alone. My mantra is "Until someone comes along that is a quality human being and enhances my life, I will love the life I live". I'm not sure about the never part...

No, I've had my head up my butt for awhile. It was someone else in the 303 area code that called. But we can change that!


"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

Albert Einstein
Re: ....... [Re: Underdog] #2726153
01/18/17 09:14 AM
01/18/17 09:14 AM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,590
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Ginger1 Offline OP
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Ginger1  Offline OP
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Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,590
I'd like to say I love being alone. I did, but not anymore. However, my mantra is your mantra.

I reached an all time new level of pathetic. I joined some private Fb group that was "suggested" to me for pug owners. Only I don't actually own one. I just joined to look at cute videos and pictures of them.

Unfortunately the lonliness is gripping me like a vice. No matter what I do, what I occupy my time with, I can't get rid of the human condition.

I did really read a great blog post about "Strong Independent Woman Syndrome" last night. It's about how they deny they "need" love, affection, and intimacy because that would make them seem needier. That they deny they feel lonliness without it.

I tried that for years. But I remind myself I am not "needy" or not "weak" for feeling a gaping hole only one thing could fill.

Because all of the hobbies, business, even time with my friends (which had dwindled these days, sadly) are not things that can fill this space.

But I still live with it. I still enjoy what is enjoyable.

Re: ....... [Re: Ginger1] #2726154
01/18/17 09:23 AM
01/18/17 09:23 AM
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 2,937
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Dawgs Offline
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Quote:
Because all of the hobbies, business, even time with my friends (which had dwindled these days, sadly) are not things that can fill this space.


I'm flirting with the edges of that, too. My children fill my time but there are times when my mind wanders. But nighttime is the worst. I've been having trouble sleeping lately so all I do is stare at the ceiling or watch TV or play some silly game on my phone.

I do want to be in the not-alone arena. At least part of me does, anyway. The other part, well, doesn't care anymore.


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Re: ....... [Re: Dawgs] #2726159
01/18/17 09:33 AM
01/18/17 09:33 AM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,590
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Ginger1 Offline OP
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Ginger1  Offline OP
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It's been a loooooooong time for me. like 9 years. Not that I haven't dated in that 9 years, but if you lumped my time seeing someone together, it would equal a year out of that 9. And 6 months of that was love and something significant and meaningful.

My nighttime is my worst too.

But my catch-22 is like what Betsey wants. I don't want man in my life who doesn't enhance, make it better, the real deal. I don't want just someone to ease the loneliness. I've had that. It only made me feel worse in the end. I certainly can't see to find quality.

Until then...... I'll just have to continue on with all the other stuff to try to ease the lonliness.

My best time spent is with D9. That's not a time filler. I truly get joy from our time together.

Re: ....... [Re: Ginger1] #2726174
01/18/17 11:07 AM
01/18/17 11:07 AM
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 2,937
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Dawgs Offline
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Quote:
But my catch-22 is like what Betsey wants. I don't want man in my life who doesn't enhance, make it better, the real deal. I don't want just someone to ease the loneliness. I've had that. It only made me feel worse in the end. I certainly can't see to find quality.


When you learn the secret to finding the real deal, clue me in. There have been some fillers. But that's all they were, fillers. As you have told me earlier, I have a bit of work to do and need to sit still for a while. I do, in every sense of the word. But, there is part that wants the real deal, too. I'm not sure when I'll be ready for that one.

My ex pretended to be the real deal, but she wasn't. The more I thought about things, the more I realized what I thought was real was based in her head. I honestly think that we got married (on her end, anyway) was to never a real reason - I think that she was looking to fill a void, so to speak. Maybe a safety net. A former family friend of theirs told me that the first year she was truly in love, but the demons began to take hold. FML.

Quote:
Until then...... I'll just have to continue on with all the other stuff to try to ease the lonliness.


Me too. I beat myself up sometimes. My hobbies help sometimes, well more often than not. But as you said, there's a void that still exists.

Quote:
My best time spent is with D9. That's not a time filler. I truly get joy from our time together.


As it should be. Mine is, too. They are my rock. At times they can try me but I couldn't ask for better children. I just hate that they have to grow up like this.

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Last edited by job; 01/19/17 12:10 PM. Reason: removed email address info

There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Re: ....... [Re: Dawgs] #2726250
01/18/17 09:07 PM
01/18/17 09:07 PM
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 3,357
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uRworthy Offline
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Hi, my friend. Just a few thoughts.

I know you've heard this story about bomb drop for me. I went to my therapist, shoved myself as far into the corner of the couch as I could, and said, "This is all my fault." And she said to me, "Really? Wow, D, you are powerful. You have so much power that you made someone do all those things to you that your ex did. You have so much power that you singlehandedly ended a marriage."

My point is...we have to own our part in life. We have to own those actions that we take. But we have to own only the actions. We cannot own the results.

People do what they do. Stuff unfolds as it does. We can control what we can. But as your friend, I cannot let you take blame for things you have no control over.

G, things havent turned out as you hoped, but, that isnt a reflection on you.

I am sorry you feel lonely sometimes. I know what that feels like.

Keep moving forward. Keep remembering who you are. Right now, you have a lot on your place. I think when you have less, you will begin to see some things happen.

Re: ....... [Re: uRworthy] #2726295
01/19/17 07:40 AM
01/19/17 07:40 AM
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 3,952
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doodler Offline
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Ginger,

I think you need to whip-up a big plate of your favorite food and watch the movie "About Time."

Random thought of the day: My youngest son is building a go cart from scraps of wood that I have on-hand. It's really kind of cool. He told me he wants to name it "Scary Ann" which reminded me of Mary Ann and that reminded me of Ginger which in-turn reminded me of Coconut (he's been scarce lately). Thinking of ginger and coconut makes me hungry and now I'm ready for an early lunch. Life is weird.

Re: ....... [Re: doodler] #2726387
01/19/17 01:59 PM
01/19/17 01:59 PM
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 2,937
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Dawgs Offline
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Quote:
Thinking of ginger and coconut makes me hungry and now I'm ready for an early lunch. Life is weird.


Good grief where do you come up with this stuff? BAHAHA


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Re: ....... [Re: uRworthy] #2726441
01/20/17 06:41 AM
01/20/17 06:41 AM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,590
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Ginger1 Offline OP
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Ginger1  Offline OP
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Joined: Feb 2015
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Originally Posted By: uRworthy


My point is...we have to own our part in life. We have to own those actions that we take. But we have to own only the actions. We cannot own the results.



THIS!!!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you. I needed this reminder. I was so engulfed again in thinking I've been doing something wrong. Just because you don't get your desired outcome, doesn't mean you did something wrong.

I hope one day I will have less on my plate. it's a catch 22. having so much on your plate and wanting someone to be there to be your partner, emotionally and physically to ease the burden. To understand. To connect with.

It's just not there right now.

Love to see you soon, my friend.

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