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A Message from Michele
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Re: ....... [Re: Vanilla] #2725599
01/13/17 04:28 PM
01/13/17 04:28 PM
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whatisis Offline
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Hey G, at church we just finished studying the book of Job...did he do anything to deserve what happened him? In fact, by being the righteous person he was he actually attracted Satan to him! Whether you believe this story or not, it just shows that people have been asking this same question about why things happen since the beginning of time...and we're still asking!


Divorced February 27, 2012.

"Only by love is love awakened".~ Ellen G White
Re: ....... [Re: whatisis] #2725640
01/14/17 07:00 AM
01/14/17 07:00 AM
Joined: Nov 2009
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NY
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Originally Posted By: whatisis
Hey G, at church we just finished studying the book of Job...did he do anything to deserve what happened him? In fact, by being the righteous person he was he actually attracted Satan to him! Whether you believe this story or not, it just shows that people have been asking this same question about why things happen since the beginning of time...and we're still asking!

I think that the moderator on this forum changed her name to Job for just these reasons but that is just my .02.


Me-67, D34,S33
Re: ....... [Re: Cadet] #2725667
01/14/17 11:07 AM
01/14/17 11:07 AM
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Southern Maryland
job Offline

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When someone exhibits great endurance through all kinds of trials, annoyances, or provocations, we say that person has “the patience of Job.”

Yes, generation after generation of people continue to ask that one question..."why me". There is a saying that "God never gives us more than we can handle".

Just my two cents on religion today.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Re: ....... [Re: Ginger1] #2725675
01/14/17 12:52 PM
01/14/17 12:52 PM
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Ginger, interesting questions.


It's always nice to believe that there is a bigger reason for all of this. Like, ugh I fractured my ankle...bad luck, but maybe it prevented me from being hit by a car coming fast 2 blocks ahead which would be good luck. Or that God has a bigger plan for us (if one believes in God)

The truth is, anything can happen at any given time. It's just all a matter of events and circumstances hitting at just the right second. Sometime these events brings forth something we perceive as positive and other times it brings forth something we perceive as negative. Doodler makes a good point that it's really just about our perceptions.

Hey, We made bad choices in spouses, but it brought forth beautiful children.

maybe it's a combo though. Our choices and our actions do sometimes play a role in outcomes but sometimes there is the uncontrolled that changes the game.


Is the real question, how can there be predestination if man was given choice?


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer
Re: ....... [Re: job] #2725740
01/15/17 07:58 AM
01/15/17 07:58 AM
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Zues126 Offline
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Originally Posted By: job
When someone exhibits great endurance through all kinds of trials, annoyances, or provocations, we say that person has “the patience of Job.”

Yes, generation after generation of people continue to ask that one question..."why me". There is a saying that "God never gives us more than we can handle".

Just my two cents on religion today.





From Cat's Cradle:

“Tiger got to hunt, bird got to fly;
Man got to sit and wonder 'why, why, why?'
Tiger got to sleep, bird got to land;
Man got to tell himself he understand.”


Me:38 XW:38
T:11 years M:8 years
Kids: S14, D11, D7
BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Re: ....... [Re: Zues126] #2725784
01/15/17 02:07 PM
01/15/17 02:07 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,590
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Ginger1 Offline OP
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Thanks for the great feedback on one of the ultimate questions of the universe!

I do understand the patience of Job now. I think I may have it, although it is wearing thin these days.

God only gives you what you can handle I tend not to believe. My mother couldn't handle what God gave her and she killed herself. She couldn't handle her mental illness and the curveballs and awful childhood and she ended her own life. Not out of weakness or her perception, but she had an illness that couldn't be managed.
Not be misunderstood, I am not so much asking "why me?" in the tone of self pity. More in the tone of "if there is anything in my power, something I haven't done, or something that has been done wrong, I will fix it, I will work to make it better, I will change something" in order to obtain what I am trying to achieve, or to change outcomes.

But, basically, the only thing I could do any differently is to continue my life and have patience. I admit, it's wearing thin, and I talk to God sometimes and say "I really can't handle anymore" But now that I type that, I guess I can, because I am getting it all handled somehow.

Sooooo, I had to go into my ex's home last night. And I could not believe what I saw. It is a scene out of "Hoarders". I think the expression that came over my face couldn't be mistaken. I am in shock for many reasons, one being his father was a messy hoarder and ex HATED it. My ex had a closet of a room at his house but always kept it perfect. When we moved into our own place together it was ok, except it was a little messy. Which was according to him, a lack of my housekeeping skills. He expected me to carry it all with working, school, ect. I just couldn't. But it was never bad at all.

Now I have been living on my own with a child for many years, I can see what is truly mine in that mix and own it. I am a little messy, but always clean.

But OMG. I couldn't walk through their house! You could barely see the floor, every piece of furniture was covered, there was no clear surfaces. It is clearly all her stuff (she is a book and clothes hoarder)I cannot believe my kid lives like that over there. And remember, for me to say that is huge, because I am not holly homemaker and am laid back about that stuff. the Ex looked very ashamed. You could just tell.

I almost want to say something because my daughter lives there too. But I have to really evaluate how much of a hazard it is. I tripped a few times and knocked things over because there was no where to go. I guess she is safe. And I must say, it does give me satisfaction to know my home is so much cleaner. I was so freaked I did a huge cleanout of my closests today so I can organize better.

I've been hanging out with my gym friends more. One I really get along with good, she is really cool. ANother is trying to be my bestie, but she is overly dramatic and drama makes me uncomfortable. The gym people are becoming a bit obsessive and for some reason it makes me feel uncomfortable. I enjoy it going ot the gym, keeping up with nutrition, making new friends, but I have no desire to get involved in what's going on in management at the gym. They are all into it. I just want to workout, have some fun, change my body and have some new friends. Not make it my whole life.
I also finally spent some time with my BFF who has been in a new R. I haven't really seen or really talked to her in a while. I realize how much I missed her.

Somedays I feel like I don't fit anywhere. But Maybe I just fit in a little everywhere:)

Happy Sunday, all. I'm supposed to be wirting a paper, I'd better get back to it.

Re: ....... [Re: Ginger1] #2725790
01/15/17 04:18 PM
01/15/17 04:18 PM
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Zues126 Offline
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Interestingly enough when I was looking up that quote from Vonnegut there was another one that appeared that seemed to fit the topic at hand:

"Since Alice had never received any religious instruction, and since she had led a blameless life, she never thought of her awful luck as being anything but accidents in a very busy place. Good for her."

We know life is about balance. Taking accountability for your attitude and outlooks which can affect your reality, looking for patterns in our own behavior which could be responsible for what we get in our life. All good. But there is also a world much bigger than ourselves going on and our choices aren't in total control of what happens either.

The Serenity Prayer has gained relevance for me over the last few years. For me personally I tended to err on the side of thinking I could change things I cannot. It can come off as trying to be accountable, but when out of balance can actually be a sign of struggle to accept that some things I cannot change. As I've started to accept some of those hard realities the stress has abated and I have found myself more often being able to shrug and not add the insult of blaming myself to the injury of enduring some inevitable suffering that we go through in our lives because things don't work the way we wish they did.

In the meantime, you inspired me to clean out my room a bit today. That I could change, thanks for helping with the courage...


Me:38 XW:38
T:11 years M:8 years
Kids: S14, D11, D7
BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Re: ....... [Re: Zues126] #2725805
01/15/17 06:51 PM
01/15/17 06:51 PM
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Posts: 5,590
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Ginger1 Offline OP
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Zues,

THANK YOU!

Seriously, I needed a bit of a reminder. I just cannot take accountability for things out of my control. Things I cannot change. It is what it is. And thank you for bringing me back to the Serenity Prayer. I am not religious, but I used to go with my mom when I was my daughter's age to some of her Narcotics Anonymous meetings. (I know, great place for a 9 year old. I remember them saying the serenity prayer all in a huddle with their arms around eachother. I remember it meant a lot to my mom.

When my bomb was dropped and I felt like my whole life was out of control, I stumbles upon this decorative plaque with the serenity prayer. It has followed me to all the homes I have lived in since and has always had a spot in my kitchen.

I must go back to that.

I'm glad you were inspired to clean. My ex likewise inspired me (or it scared me?) and this morning I cleaned out 2 closets and organized them. Purged a bunch of shoes. Reorganized and cleaned my fridge.

Purging feels good.

Re: ....... [Re: Ginger1] #2725834
01/16/17 05:49 AM
01/16/17 05:49 AM
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I realized where it is I belong. Where I feel like myself, where I am happy, and where I fit in, and where I would really thrive.

Only I can't be there. Circumstance won't let me. It stinks.

Re: ....... [Re: Ginger1] #2725891
01/16/17 10:28 AM
01/16/17 10:28 AM
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Posts: 6,756
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Hey Ginger!

How does your D feel about staying at her dad's house? That would seem like a great place to start. Hoarding is a symptom of mental illness, and you have every right to bat for your D.

But holy cow. I wouldn't have expected that either. I grew up as a kid of parents who were children in the great depression era. They have a hoarding mentality, but it's not like the people on hoarders. As a result, I'm the polar opposite. I will admit that downsizing my home a year ago and my office a few weeks ago, I've decided I will never put myself through the ringer again.

I told my sister my new closet plan (she's fascinated with my closet organization LOL). After I moved, my clothes wouldn't fit in my new walk in closet, so I was forced to purge. I bought all new hangers and decided then and there that every time a new piece of clothing or pair of shoes comes in, one has to go out. I do this with D19 as well. I decided that I don't want to be stressed out in my closet anymore. It actually became a factor when deciding if I want to buy a new clothes item, so it's a good thing. I went shopping a week ago and bought a bunch of new stuff, so I was happy to go in there and pull out one for one. Yay!

Quote:
But, basically, the only thing I could do any differently is to continue my life and have patience. I admit, it's wearing thin, and I talk to God sometimes and say "I really can't handle anymore" But now that I type that, I guess I can, because I am getting it all handled somehow.


Sometimes I ask myself, "What am I supposed to learn from this right now?" Sometimes it's obvious. Other times, not so much. I try to do this regularly, because I really don't enjoy coming back to lessons I should have learned in the past.

Yes, you *are* handling what's on your plate. And just remember that the valleys will serve as a reminder to celebrate and savor the peaks.

Zeus, I love the serenity prayer myself and need to post it somewhere obvious to read often! Thanks for that reminder.

Well, back to stuff here. I wasn't planning on having a work holiday today, but we're in the middle of some heavy snow and the plows haven't stopped by yet. Plus D19 is snoozing in her chair, so who am I to change that?

Hugs, sister.

Betsey


"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

Albert Einstein
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