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A Message from Michele
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Re: Bah-Humbug [Re: whatisis] #2724531
01/07/17 09:03 PM
01/07/17 09:03 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,590
G
Ginger1 Offline OP
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Ginger1  Offline OP
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G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,590
So, I've attracted another sex offender. This would make twice in one year.

I can't even make this crap up.

If there is a lord above and I am working under his plan, he wants me all alone.

Or I have the worst luck with men in the world.

Re: Bah-Humbug [Re: Ginger1] #2724552
01/08/17 05:00 AM
01/08/17 05:00 AM
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,901
Piney Land
R
Rick1963 Offline
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Rick1963  Offline
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R
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,901
Piney Land
You need to move south. I think guys down here are a bit more old fashioned. Many Pineys don't come with teeth but they have good hearts. You can join our local shooting range or take up golf. We have many of those around here. Good places to meet people.

G I think the right guy will come along when you least expect it. I think that many males in ur age bracket are married with families so not many available? Is that a variable? Also the field ur in is dominated by females. So less options and less chances to meet males.

And no God doesn't want u alone. He wants you to have the best man out there. He knows ur journey. He is chosing carefully.


M 53
D 20
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden





Re: Bah-Humbug [Re: Rick1963] #2724599
01/08/17 08:56 AM
01/08/17 08:56 AM
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 9,035
Canada
W
whatisis Offline
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whatisis  Offline
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W
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 9,035
Canada
Hey G, I have a friend who went to meet a guy for coffee and discovered that he only had one leg, was unemployed and lived in his mother's basement. She was not impressed!


Divorced February 27, 2012.

"Only by love is love awakened".~ Ellen G White
Re: Bah-Humbug [Re: whatisis] #2724642
01/08/17 01:33 PM
01/08/17 01:33 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,590
G
Ginger1 Offline OP
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Ginger1  Offline OP
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G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,590
Hey Rick, I really do need to move. This area is absolutely awful. Teeth are so overrated anyways.

This guy is an actual convicted sex offender. He was a high school coach who was married and sleeping with a 17 year old for a year. He is looked upon as a great guy in our gym, inspirational, transformational, the whole 9. And it has become evident to others in my gym that he has a crush on me. And before finding out the info I did, I thought I would love a date. Now I don't want to out him, but my gym friends sense his attraction to me and want me to go out with him. I can't tell them why. It wouldn't be fair to him. I think maybe he may have realized the errors of his ways and is really trying to transform him life, and I do believe people can change. But we all know I can't get involved in that.

It's highly discouraging. I spoke with my therapist today and she said I am best just chilling out and put dating off the table for a few months to collect my thoughts again. I agree. I can't take this anymore right now. There is more to this than I am discussing that has been bringing me down a bit.

But I'm ok. I just need to step back. I really think UR is right. (duh, of course). It's not meant to happen right now. One day, but certainly not right now.

Re: Bah-Humbug [Re: Ginger1] #2724757
01/09/17 07:44 AM
01/09/17 07:44 AM
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,858
J
JujuB Offline
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JujuB  Offline
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J
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,858
At least you have some great stories to tell. Seriously, you can write a blog on your dating adventures. Its all an experience right?

Smart girl though to do your homework first. I am so glad you found out the background info on gym guy before dating him. Was it a weird vibe that made you research?

I know how you feel though. I would like a partner. Some one to team up with and experience life with...The good and the bad. Its frustrating that partnership is not a given. Like we thought growing up. Its frustrating when we know what good people we are, and how much we have to offer someone. But then there is no one to offer it to. Its super hard when we know that there are a lot of people out there that are simply not capable of commitment and loyalty. (Or even the basics, like not going for teenage girls)

Now that we know better, it will be harder. Do we want someone quickly or of quality? I am starting to realize that if we want quality, things cant be rushed.


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer
Re: Bah-Humbug [Re: JujuB] #2724774
01/09/17 08:38 AM
01/09/17 08:38 AM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,590
G
Ginger1 Offline OP
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Ginger1  Offline OP
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G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,590
JuJu,

I really don't know what the heck to do. I found out, because it is a small world, and a friend from another part of the state texted me and asked how I knew him.Their kids went to school together. She warned me and just told me to google him since she really couldn't explain it. Now everyone in my gym knows he has the hots for me, and they are texting me. But I do not want to say anything. Nor do I want to come off like some sort of B for saying I'm not interested. What do I do? This gym became my safe place, a new place where I could make new friends and kind of get away from the other cr@p in my life. This really just stinks.

I've been looking for a partner for so long. It is harder because I simply cannot settle. But I was discussing with my therapist and I liken my feelings to my intfertility struggle. Friends were popping up pregnant all around me, easily, with just having sex. While I was happy for them, at the same time, it was a slap in the face and difficult for me to be around. Right now, there are people close to me in life who are leaving one R and entering into another so easily and they are so happy. It's not that I don't want the happiness for these people, but what comes so easily to others, is obviously coming very very very difficult to me.

But like what you said. My therapist said to me "you did eventually get your daughter, right?"

Yup, I do want quality and it can't be rushed.

Re: Bah-Humbug [Re: Ginger1] #2724788
01/09/17 09:29 AM
01/09/17 09:29 AM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,898
Midwest
D
DonH Offline
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DonH  Offline
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D
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,898
Midwest
So, okay, I too see people bounce in and out of new Rs but are they quality? And if so, why do they leave? See as I looked at it in my life, they ARE SETTELING for less than. They will often take the first person who comes along. They would take the plumber because they would rather have him than no one. Is this the case in your life with your friends? I'll bet it is. So while I've felt and at times still feel exactly like you do, the real truth is you could be going from guy to guy too, you just set the bar higher than they do. If you took anything or anyone you'd be with someone right now. That's not you (or me) and quality takes time and are farther and fewer between.

As for gym guy, why do you have to hide his secret? Why can't you just say something like "I make a practice of googling anyone I might date. I need to protect my daughter and myself and feel that's the best practice. Then just leave it at that for them to figure out. If they press you with "what do you mean? Say, just that, I check out anyone I might date and say no more.


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Re: Bah-Humbug [Re: DonH] #2724794
01/09/17 09:46 AM
01/09/17 09:46 AM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,786
D
Dawn70 Offline
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Dawn70  Offline
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D
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,786
I don't know that I can add any great words of wisdom to some of the advice others are giving you, here, Miss Ginger, but what I can tell you is that you are not alone. It is SO difficult to meet decent, single men and to have to go through all this dating stuff. I wasn't good at it when I was younger and I have not gotten any better with age, unfortunately. I, too, sometimes wonder if God means for me to be alone.

Hang in there, lady, and know that others feel your pain, so to speak. smile


Me 51, H52
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
7 grandkids
Re: Bah-Humbug [Re: DonH] #2724895
01/09/17 03:53 PM
01/09/17 03:53 PM
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 6,756
Denver
Underdog Offline
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Underdog  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 6,756
Denver
Don, what you said! Exactly!

Ginger, if I were the one writing your post and you got the pleasure of reading that, I know you well enough to know you'd say this to me:

1. You have a great friend.
2. With a minor age daughter, you can't be too careful.

That being said, I check out EVERYONE for my D19 for the same reason. I can promise you if I waited too long, one of my cop friends would do it for me.

Just maybe you're getting a "hold on tight" message because you are supposed to be focused on furthering your own self interests? That might be a move... or anything, really.

I found that in my late 30s, I was the one who was unsettled, not very in tune with what we all know now and looking for that magic bullet to make myself look like I was much happier than I was. If only I had learned by your age what you know now! My friends were exasperated with me. Hell, looking back, they were right to feel that way! I'm exasperated with me through that lens. Anyway, it wasn't exactly an enlightened decade for me.

So get in the habit of googling people. You'd be surprised at what you find. And even if you don't come up with anyone, ask people who know that person. I found out early on that someone who had his eyes on me and vice versa was a meth addict. I'm pretty good with knowing the signs, but he came from a wealthy family who paid big bucks to buy him new teeth and skin care regimen. I was seriously disappointed in that one. It's not a reflection of me OR you. It's merely a blessing in disguise that we have the ability to get information rather easily. I don't want a meth addict, and you don't want a pedophile.

So tell anyone who asks what Don said. It's a fabulous response.


"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

Albert Einstein
Re: Bah-Humbug [Re: Underdog] #2724970
01/10/17 07:23 AM
01/10/17 07:23 AM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 27,928
Southern Maryland
job Offline

Member
job  Offline

Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 27,928
Southern Maryland
Ginger,

I think your friend did you a great service by suggesting you google this guy. Sure, he may be a great man w/the hots for you...but he's now has a "record" that follows him wherever he goes and he most likely has to check in w/the law enforcement each and every time he moves. There are sites out there for people like us to use to see who are sex offenders in our areas. Go to one of those sites and read up on what "tier" level he is and what he was actually charged with, i.e., strong arm rape, molestation, etc. If it was something to do w/children, then by law in many states, he can't be around children.

If people ask why you aren't interested in this guy, you can always say that you are focusing on yourself and your daughter for now. Info such as what you've uncovered will spread like wildfire if it gets out.

Ginger, I totally agree w/Underdog...you can never be too careful when it comes to your daughter in yourself.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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