Thank you sincerely from the bottom of my heart for the replies. I really needed them when I just sat down to read them.
I just got back from a very physically difficult hike with friends (having got up at 6 am). I wanted to do something out of the ordinary for me. I wanted to not think about everything for a bit. But by the time I got to the top I was physically and emotionally exhausted. Luckily, I didn't cry.
I keep checking my phone. Hoping he reaches out again soon. He's working. And she works with him. I don't know what is worse. The reality or my imagination. It's disgusting.
Though I gave up the phone log in to my best friend for him to change the password and keep it. I was torturing my self looking at how often they communicate. Or by looking at his cloud and the pictures he takes.
I haven't looked at those things since Tuesday, which is a small step for me, but a step towards healing I think.
"I made bad choices and did not treat/love my W like she deserved" SmithyC, I think I'm guilty of that too. I took advantage of the love. Not enough appreciation, not enough love, not enough sex. If I had only known the costs...
Remember you may need intel - proof, for legal reasons. It's just knowing when to stop because it hurts you too much.
That's right. PS LonelyW - consider a signature w/ your info in it. Helps your readers.
"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies. BD: Feb '16 D: Mar '17 Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing. S6
"I made bad choices and did not treat/love my W like she deserved" SmithyC, I think I'm guilty of that too. I took advantage of the love. Not enough appreciation, not enough love, not enough sex. If I had only known the costs...
lonely w first off well done getting out of your comfort zone & going hiking! we are all guilty of making mistakes,go easy on yourself,time to reflect on things you can learn from & improve on for yourself I kept a journal of thoughts and goals in a notebook to help and look back periodically to check my progess and thoughts it helped to clear thoughts or stop negative thoughts imoacting my actions
My first reaction to your story is about what your H must have thought (or not thought) he was doing to his kids. Leaving a note w/ his ring out in the open, and later telling them by himself that you won't be together ... just sounds like your boys are not the highest priority for him right now. Makes me want to kick him in the ass. WTF. To me that's the most heartbreaking part.
Your feeling intensely lonely now -- I get that. I am too. But don't let that fear grip you. I'm sure there are many possible relationships out there for you, should your current M not work out. Just saying... resolving loneliness is not a hugely insurmountable problem. (But rebuilding your M is.)
The obvious issue -- that I'm sure you realize -- is that at this point your marriage isn't something that can be fixed directly and collaboratively. You can change yourself, but your H is majorly confused and has a ton of stuff he's gotta work out for himself.
You didn't get into it but ... it sounds like he's not a particularly good earner? Do you provide most of the family income? You mentioned kicking him out of the house -- is the house somehow just yours? You don't both own the house? Also, you seem to have a fair amount of disposable income, what with your trip to Costa Rica ... while your H doesn't have "the money you wanted for August." Was his income an issue?
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
ForGump: We have been equal earners, equal partners. He quit his job June 30th because the other woman worked there, and of course I was ok with that because I didn't want him near her. But when he left, and I knew from phone records he was talking to her again, I asked for the money needed to pay bills, so he went back. I already bought DR book, that's what led me here. I'm reading and taking notes daily.
I could have another relationship and move on if that's what I want. I am a beautiful and intelligent woman, who is also running for public office right now (i.e. popular in the community). Right now that isn't the point though, I want my marriage.
