or CALL 303-444-7004 to get started right away!

 

 


A Divorce Busting® Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.


Save your marriage singlehandedly!
Divorce Busting Telephone Coaching DISCOUNT
SAVE$30 -- 3-SESSIONS for ONLY $360
- valid until September 30

CALL 303-444-7004
or to order online at the Divorce Busting Store
use code SAVE$30

A Message from Michele
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 5 of 6 1 2 3 4 5 6
Re: All newbies or anybody struggling please read [Re: Uphill] #2695301
08/08/16 05:21 AM
08/08/16 05:21 AM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 2,045
M
MoveFrwd Offline
Member
MoveFrwd  Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 2,045
Originally Posted By: Uphill
I read this last night and wanted to sleep on it before replying
Originally Posted By: Natus
Boo. puke. puke. being pulled back into the madness when you have reached a good point is not encouraging to me at all. 8p~

I wish you all the best and hope you stand firm in what she needs to do to work back in to the M.

I am a completely different person than I was when arriving here.


UH, buddy, Im pretty sure this was a joke by Natus.

I think this is the key right here. Dont lose that or feel guilty for it.

When I was with my ex, I was a complete homebody. I stayed at home with the kids so that my partner could go out and do whatever - workout with friends, go to a concert, have a movie night, etc. My "away time" was periodic traveling for business. I thought that that freedom would keep that person happy, but all it did was build resentment in me which was expressed in other ways. I expected that the "home time" would always be about "us" since it wasnt so frequent. I built up these contracts in my head that were never communicated and always left me feeling bitter. My life revolved around that person, and I think it became too much to bear. That said, now I go out when I can and I encourage my new partner to do the same. Its so critical for us each to have our own lives.

The point of this is to encourage you to KEEP your changes. It cant have been a ploy to win XF back - or she will just walk again. Youre a different person now. Dont go back to who you were.

Re: All newbies or anybody struggling please read [Re: MoveFrwd] #2695304
08/08/16 05:34 AM
08/08/16 05:34 AM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,016
U
Uphill Offline OP
Member
Uphill  Offline OP
Member
U
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,016
I took it as a joke, I felt the need to explain where I'm at and how this journey works for anybody here who may be stuck in the rut I was for a long time. I may have worded my reply to that a bit off but my point remains the same. The work has to be done on yourself first. If you are looking over your shoulder at all, they will know. When I ACTULLY did that, my whole life changed for the better.


Me 34, XF 27
Many years together
Son 4
Engaged
Not engaged
Many false starts by XF
7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life
2/17 girlfriend moves in my home


Re: All newbies or anybody struggling please read [Re: Uphill] #2695319
08/08/16 07:18 AM
08/08/16 07:18 AM
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,746
C
Cherry Offline
Member
Cherry  Offline
Member
C
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,746
This is really great to read. I'm trying my best to face forward and concentrate on me. But today is a bit of a tough day, just feeling a little sad today over the weekends events.

You're doing great and it's really inspiring to hear tales of db-img working


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
BD 8/16
Re: All newbies or anybody struggling please read [Re: Cherry] #2695569
08/09/16 07:23 AM
08/09/16 07:23 AM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,016
U
Uphill Offline OP
Member
Uphill  Offline OP
Member
U
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,016
Just stopping by to keep everybody posted. Past few days there has been more contact between us. Not as much as I thought there would be but XF is also sick enough that she had to go to the doctor yesterday. Hopefully once the medicine takes hold she will be more chatty. I'm keeping my distance, not only to try to let her get her rest, but also don't want to scare the squirrel.


Me 34, XF 27
Many years together
Son 4
Engaged
Not engaged
Many false starts by XF
7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life
2/17 girlfriend moves in my home


Re: All newbies or anybody struggling please read [Re: Uphill] #2695573
08/09/16 07:33 AM
08/09/16 07:33 AM
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 1,648
R
roist Offline
Member
roist  Offline
Member
R
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 1,648
Also to not be the only one pursuing......... and keep a check on those expectations.As cadet says they will get you every time.

Best wishes and thanks for update. I have my fingers crossed for ye.


R 24 years
M 13 years
S10 & S12
Working on it alone since Oct 2014
M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr.
Next R chat Aug'17
Still together
Re: All newbies or anybody struggling please read [Re: roist] #2695574
08/09/16 07:37 AM
08/09/16 07:37 AM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,016
U
Uphill Offline OP
Member
Uphill  Offline OP
Member
U
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,016
Yeah, those expectations. They'll get you every time. We do have an event for Friday night. That will be the 3 of us. Saturday, our son isn't gonna be around from early morning until late night. Waiting for her to hear back from work but we may have the whole day just for us to find something fun to do. Even if she does end up working, we will have most of he afternoon and all evening...


Me 34, XF 27
Many years together
Son 4
Engaged
Not engaged
Many false starts by XF
7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life
2/17 girlfriend moves in my home


Re: All newbies or anybody struggling please read [Re: Uphill] #2695744
08/09/16 05:45 PM
08/09/16 05:45 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 436
N
Natus Offline
Member
Natus  Offline
Member
N
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 436
Originally Posted By: Uphill
I read this last night and wanted to sleep on it before replying
Originally Posted By: Natus
Boo. puke. puke. being pulled back into the madness when you have reached a good point is not encouraging to me at all. 8p~

I wish you all the best and hope you stand firm in what she needs to do to work back in to the M.


I'm not sure how to really read into this but I do want to say a few things about it. DBing, is about saving yourself. Getting through the roughest part of your life and this board is just a safe place for all of us to come to vent and get advice. Over the past year, I have done exactly that. I am a completely different person than I was when arriving here. Anybody who has been here since the beginning of this will tell you the same thing.

With that said, the primary reason most, if not all of us ended up here was by googling "how to save my relationship". Over time, that became a secondary reason due to learning that I had to save myself. BUT it is still what I fought and stood for, for a long time. Now that the main goal (saving myself) has been accomplished, and the oppourtunity came about to possibly make my family whole again, I feel I owe it to myself and my son to give it my all.

I am at the point in life that I don't NEED to be with her anymore. I'm not obsessing, losing sleep, not eating.... I'm living life and as long as she can prove that she is serious about this, I want to share it with her.


Hi Uphill, comment was made in jest. I do wish you the best and if you can have a better stronger M than thats awesome.

Although i do stand by the comment that its not encouraging to me at all :> purely because im just starting the detaching process and am praying the rollercoaster emotions to end.


Me31 W31 M11yrs S6yrs
23Mar16-BD
9Apr16-W admitted EA w boss.
27Jun16-W Changed job and promised NC w OM.
14Jul16-Continued contact w OM.Start of Separation.
24May17-Divorced.
Re: All newbies or anybody struggling please read [Re: Natus] #2695800
08/10/16 03:34 AM
08/10/16 03:34 AM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,016
U
Uphill Offline OP
Member
Uphill  Offline OP
Member
U
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,016
Natus, it is a very long and hard process. Nothing happens overnight... Even when you think you are there, it takes longer buddy! I'm not saying any of this to discourage you, I am just being honest. For the longest time I knew I wasn't there yet. Then a few times I thought I was only to be crushed by something that came along which I had no idea would bother me. Nobody knows where my journey will take me at this point but I do now have the knowledge and control to try to make it the best ride possible! Right now it's my job to not only protect myself, but to be as fun and upbeat as humanly possible.


Me 34, XF 27
Many years together
Son 4
Engaged
Not engaged
Many false starts by XF
7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life
2/17 girlfriend moves in my home


Re: All newbies or anybody struggling please read [Re: Uphill] #2739381
04/18/17 09:18 AM
04/18/17 09:18 AM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,016
U
Uphill Offline OP
Member
Uphill  Offline OP
Member
U
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,016
It has been a long long time since I have posted here. A lot has also happened in my life since that last update. XF, as it turns out, had another false start. Within a few weeks of wanting to work on things, OM's car was at her apartment when I went to work one morning. Things seemed off and that explained it 100%.

Since that day, I haven't looked back. I have a wonderful new girlfriend (who is the one I had started seeing before the false start). I was completely honest with her when I decided to give XF a shot and in the end, that really payed off that I was as transparent as I was.

We have a busy summer coming up together. She has actually moved in with me and my son recently and things seem to be looking up in life.

XF is now seeming to get the fact that I've moved on after a few months of really rough jealousy issues focused on myself and GF.

I hope all is well here with all my old friends!!!!


Me 34, XF 27
Many years together
Son 4
Engaged
Not engaged
Many false starts by XF
7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life
2/17 girlfriend moves in my home


Re: All newbies or anybody struggling please read [Re: Uphill] #2740120
04/22/17 01:14 PM
04/22/17 01:14 PM
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 815
T
Tread Offline
Member
Tread  Offline
Member
T
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 815
I guess the success came with finding someone new even though the relationship with your XF didn't work out. I could really use your opinion in regards to my own situation. Wondering if I'll actually have to go through a divorce to reach my W.


MR: 15 T:17
Me: 37 W: 34
S14
BD/PA/EA: 12/2016
Page 5 of 6 1 2 3 4 5 6

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004