From C-Nut: "Jz, I hate to say this, but your gonna be stuck in the mud until you pull yourself out of it... When you get fed up with worrying about what he is doing and decide your gonna do what's right for you. Are you tired of sleeping in MBR with a H who has a fantasy or real EA with OW? If so, tell him that you will not share your marital bed with someone who has or is trying to bring someone else into your M. Stand up for yourself, tell you H what you will not tolerate. Try not to get angry or emotional, just tell him matter of factly."
JZ, I am gonna hit you again with a BIG 2*4, because I want to help you! I agree with C-Nut, and also I just read posts again and it is the same theme--YOU are keeping yourself in the mud. There is an element of hopelessness, helplessness, and just waiting for H to BD you. You are going to determine your own fate if you do not start changing the way you think about your sitch!
At one point you even say that you want to shake some sense into your H. Sweetie, I want to shake some sense into YOU! You deserve better than to wait around for someone to hurt you--you say you are miserable and it is wearing you down. Do not let this man, or ANY man, control you and your self worth! he doesn't get that. In addition, it does not make you attractive to him or anyone. No one is attracted to someone that is sad and needy. So you are working against yourself in 2 ways. 1. you feel terrible about yourself and are miserable, and 2. you are not giving your H a reason to want to work on the M.
Look, my H BD me, had a full on A, left me in the dust, and then still came back! People and their feelings are changing all the time. You cannot wait and assume he will BD you--if you continue to do that, he WILL. He does not want to be an a M with someone that is waiting around for him and giving him all the power.
Go back and read Sandi's rules. Start applying all of them TODAY. Do a giant 180 and start faking it until you make it. Hold your head up high, starting having some fun in life, go out and make some friends, and stop paying attention to him altogether. Smile. the more you can do this, the more you will actually start to FEEL happy.
If you can do this, you win in 2 ways. 1. and most important you will start feeling better. 2. your H can see a happy and confident woman that does not need him. Maybe he will even second guess himself. "Um, I am not paying attention to my W, I am fantasizing about OW that I don;t even know, and my W is fed up and moving on. Uh Oh." And do not look over your shoulder and see if he notices. This is for you. For the next 7 days, do this, and do not even think about him anymore. Start with one day at a time.
Stop what you are doing today. It's not working. Take control of your life. It is the only chance you have. You can do it and ONLY you can do it.
Now, go ice that bruise for 20 minutes and get out of the house! -Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
Cnut and blu, I understand points on getting self stuck. I have rules in mind but have had bumps with some. I have actually checked emotions so H has not seen me when sad/down, only pleasant for most part. Will cont. to apply changes through actions.
Guess do not see as "assuming" BD since had knowledge he is ready to do so. Will need to keep that out of my mind then and focus on what need to do.
I Cont to enjoy walks and reading outside; going on a hike this weekend with small group. Anytime we do something together I make sure I end and have not been persuing.
