No Vapo, I definitely do not want to date anyone. I am an identical twin. I met my first GF when i was 19 and went from her to a wayward fantasy, back to my XGF, then to my WW.
I have never been alone in my entire life, literally from the womb. I want to be alone, I want to feel alone, I want to feel the joy, the sadness, the pain. These would be new experiences that will help shape the new DDJ, so that I can be complete when I am ready to share the love that now makes me cry...
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
It's now 5am, been wide awake since 4. S4 wakes up during the night and asks for his mother. She came in at probably 1 or 2, a nice respectable time for someone working on her marriage. I tell our S that mom is in the next room, do you want to lay by her, I'll take you there, to which he replies no.
I feel no anxiety, just a sense of death of any emotion towards her. No sadness, no joy, nothing in the moment. Not feeling anything is actually making me sad, thinking about the last 7 weeks.
I can't believe it's been 7 weeks. I tried to stop my WW from cheating, never going to happen. God has other plans for me. He does not put obstacles in our path so that we can trip, fall and stay down. He gives us strength to fly, when we are ready. Not a day sooner.
I might not have DBd to save my M but I'm saving myself and I would have taken that 5 years ago when I said my vows.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
Reading some of the posts of taking back cheating W and H, why do you guys do it?
I know about for better or worse. But is the trauma of reconciliation not too much, the flashbacks of the OP, the stigma and fear of it happening again... Why?
One can find love wherever one looks, why look back instead of forwards?
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
So as i'm getting done this morn for work, I ask WW what time she came in, she says 2am. I say, do you think that that's trying (i know i know)? She says that I was supposed to give her a chance, and I never did and I don't believe that she never cheated... I step back... I almost got hooked there with the guilt. NEW NEWBIES, pls take note that that is why you never start a convo.
I said, you're not showing me that you're trying, and my apple is green, yours is red - please accept the colour of my apple, as I do yours.
Just feeling a bit down still on the finality of it all. I will never touch her again, no kiss, no affection, nothing. If i respect myself, then that is what i must do.
It's strange the feeling in the house, almost like we were never married, now bad neighbours. She will play along as long as she can cake eat, but she's going to get the shock of her life if she's going to try to do that in MY house.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
I'm having it tough today, i guess it will be like this everyday after she leaves and comes back when she wants hey. I gotta get her out of the house asap. That is a fact.
Day is going quickly, but gonna nap in my car now. Going to watch the UEFA cup final with my bro tonight so need some rest. Need to get out.
I find myself desensitizing myself to the situation, I try to be in the moment too. so i say "You're at work, you're walking, lunch in your hand, and your WW sucked another mans dong last night". Gotta become second nature for me not to care really.
I ask God to give me strength, but I should be asking Him to help me find the strength inside. I've already got it all.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
I feel better after that nap, It's amazing what sleep can do for you. I've started reading the D threads and things are still going to get alot worse before they get better. Guess i'll have more than enough time to create the new DDJ. Hopefully one with patience.
Our S4 has definitely started that ball rolling. I no longer look at him and see my WW though. Guess that will help me to love him more. I am happy that i'm detached from him, I must just make sure that I do not get attached to whoever i meet one day. I pray that I learnt my lesson.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
WW just called me, gotta pay a bill (no need to call really) and doing temp check, feeling sad about the fact that she earns half of what i do and how she's going to cope. She reduced our loan credit "to protect herself" as she does not want a lot of debt when everything gets wound up. I simply said that you need to do what you need to do.
The door for her is very much closed. There's no way that she won't notice that change.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
One can find love wherever one looks, why look back instead of forwards?
Did you read chapter 1 of the books?
There are so many compelling reasons to work to make the marriage work. On top of that, the inability to see your kid half of his childhood should be another great one.
Youre running on emotions and feelings. And those change. I continue to advise to stop or you will wind up regretting some of your actions once our feelings change.
