Unsure of the next step

[DDJ]

Its definitely progress if you can see yourself D'ed. Instead of fighting it, you're giving up, still not that great, but that's a lot better than holding on.

I did everything in the first weeks (until wednesday actually) to hurt her. I wanted her to feel the pain that she inflicted on me and cry herself to sleep because she's losing the best man in the world. So do nothing regarding the D. If she wants it, then she'll do it.

Then it hit me - I'm not the best man in the world. I'm only a man, flawed, incomplete and trying to survive. Why am I making this about her when I need to worry about myself first. I would fail in every R i would attempt until i figured what i did wrong. Me. My WW has nothing to do with me, until I have changed and improved my life.

[Ralph88]

I like the thinking DDJ. We are all flawed and need to improve, daily.

[Fin]

So WW dropped off my D2 yesterday, as she does every week. This week I know she wasn't with OM (atleast last night), she actually came in this time and I took her temp it was 102, she went back to her sisters and told me later her fever was 104.3. I told her she should probably go to the doctor since that is very high for an adult.

She called this morning saying she was feeling much better and asked if she could pickup the paycheck her old job had sent her. She came over and I asked if she wanted to stay and have a pizza with myself and our d (maybe a mistake). We had a nice time as a family for a few minutes, our d insisted we all go in her room to put together her Frozen puzzle (for the 5000th time )

We ate at the table and had some small talk, I just asked her about her new job, did ask if she had filed and she said no and changed the subject. She mentioned how the house looked amazing (I have done a lot of home improvements as part of my GAL and personal improvement). She left and then called back realizing she had left her wallet, I ended up dropping it off at her sisters place which is right near the park I take my D. She got in the backseat and was having fun with D for a few minutes and then got out, at that point I got out as well and noticed she had some tears in her eyes. I told her that it was still not to late to be a family again, she really didn't acknowledge it, just saying goodbye again to d.

Anyways, she has been quite a bit more friendly and talkative throughout the day, which is a polar shift from how she had acted towards me the previous month or so. Still no talk about anything related to the R but definitely a more friendly attitude.

I am a bit confused on how to proceed. I don't knowif things changed again with OM, if maybe she is having second thoughts about divorcing, or if she has moved on to the level where she sees me as just a friend.

I still have my guard up, and there have been times like this before where I think she might be coming around only to get burned again, but for some reason this feels a bit different.

Any thoughts?

[MoveFrwd]

I admittedly haven't read your whole sitch.

But why are you continuing to put pressure on her? Every time you say things about it "not being too late", you show that you're ok to be her plan B.

You mention being more talkative/friendly....are you really comfortable being only her friend?

[Fin]

I know. I regret making that comment to her about not being to late. I think it was one of a couple mistakes made today.

I don't want to be friends with her if we D, atleast not for a couple years down the road once we both move on.

As for the rest of my post, I assume the best thing to do is keep trucking ahead working on improving and looking out for myself and if she is feeling differently about anything to just let her come to me?

Just tough to possibly be given an opening and not to go for it, but I guess it really could backfire badly on me.

[Fin]

WW text me just now saying that she hates that our daughter has to split time with both of us.

I asked her

"Well are you still 110% sure about this like you told me 3 weeks ago" and she replies..

"It's helping to have space from you to see things and it's a hard decision"

I just replied that I'll be bringing her up after rush hour in the morning and goodnight

Still keeping the guard up, but I think doubt is creeping into her mind about this.

[SH_]

Fin,

How are you doing?

My prayers are with you and your family.

[Fin]

Hi,

I haven't followed up lately, I have made the decision to file for divorce and will be doing so on Tuesday.

I thought we had been taking some small steps when I last posted, but it's always 1 step forward, 2 steps back.

Living in limbo was just to tough for me. We have been married almost 8 months now, and for 7 of those months my W was in love with someone else, and I have just reached the point where I no longer want to live like that.

Part of my fear about ending my marriage was whether I'd be able to meet anyone else, but the fact is, there are a ton of woman in the same spot as me, divorced, with kids and I'm sure worried about the same things I am. I now know that I can and will meet someone else to share my life with, start a family with and enjoy life with, something my W just doesn't want to do with me.

The stuff I learned on this site, about becoming a better me has been incredible. I now go to the gym 5 times a week, I started eating healthier(my A1C score for my diabetes was the lowest in 5 years) went back to church, re-connected with friends. That is one positive I can take out of this experience, it let me re-discover myself and re-discover all the things that make life wonderful.

I do feel bad in a way for WW, I know she isn't all there, and one day she will come out of this and realize what a huge mistake she made, but I just had to look out for myself and do what was best for my future.

[Fin]

I told her tonight in text that I was planning to file. She read the text but hasn't replied to me for a half hour. Don't know exactly what that means. She knows I am in the best spot mentally that I have been in for a long time and am not doing this with a clouded mind.

It honestly wouldn't surprise me if I got an "Ok, that's fine reply" or a call tomorrow asking to see a counselor. It was not my intention to try and knock her out of the fog, this is what I want to do, but I am worried that if she asks me to re-consider I will buckle.

[Fin]

W finally called me back last night. She broke down and said how she fears being alone and about the future.

I just told her I can't live like this and that this is the life she chose when she chose OM over our marriage. She snapped back at me very angrily saying that she didn't leave because of him and the said she didn't want to talk about him anymore.

She is still clearly in denial about our M and why it broke down, and I think she is just devastated that things didn't work out with OM (my guess).

I want to talk to her in person tomorrow when I see her, but I am still resolved in filing and moving on with my life.