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A Message from Michele
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Re: Building my life... [Re: mahhhty] #2712720
10/27/16 03:15 PM
10/27/16 03:15 PM
Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 713
G
Gmum Offline
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Gmum  Offline
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G
Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 713
Originally Posted By: mahhhty
Thank you all.

Gmum - I still have trouble communicating and coparenting with X. I have tried multiple avenues attempts to close the gap between us and reduce confrontation, but it doesn't seem to work. So we aren't communicating in anyway that is valuable or supportive for the kids. And here I am thinking about the best ways to introduce someone to them.

PS G - where is the update on you? I can't find any recent posts except the ones on my thread????


Sorry to hear that. It sounds very similar to my own situation with the (not soon enough) ex husband.

I'm ok. Still in the US for a little while longer. I have some business to take care of first and in order to do so, I will get shelter from a fellow ehhhh....person I met online who is going through the same thing..Eternally grateful.

As far as the divorce goes, it looks like I'll get what I wanted with custody. My ex is moving to the state where his girlfriend lives and start a business down there.
He is currently en route with our kid there for the second time. It stings a little, but I try to enjoy the very needed alone time.

Still haven't figured out what I want to do with my life, but I'm slowly finding the confidence to actually get excited about starting over. And I look forward to being as far away from my ex as possible. I hurt for my daughter but at least she is used to him traveling and being gone.

Keep updating us. Love hearing how well you're doing.

Re: Building my life... [Re: Gmum] #2713575
11/01/16 10:23 AM
11/01/16 10:23 AM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,532
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Mozza Offline
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Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,532
Lurking! I came here for the first time in weeks and saw your name up there and I needed to know what was up to you.

First of all, congratulations for your courage! It takes a lot of it to do what you did with her, to reach out, make yourself vulnerable and show interest. Plus, what's thrilling is that it didn't fall on your lap: it was a strong attraction and you acted on it. You never cease to amaze me.

My advice is to take it slow. I didn't quite know what it meant until I went too fast with the girl I identified as New Girl on these forums. I would ask her to be my girlfriend, yes I was impatient to get to bed, I would say ILY quickly, I wanted her to meet my parents, I was planning to introduce her to the kids, etc. I was doing all this because I wanted the relationship to progress, not because the relationship was progressing naturally.

Now I'm with someone new, for four months, and I haven't done any of this and things progress more naturally. She's met some of my friends because the events made it happen. I haven't said ILY, neither has she, but we spend a lot of time together (most of when I don't have the kids). I don't add any pressure on what's happening. I don't even decide that this one is serious, I just observe that it's been exclusive and going on for four months. We'll see what tomorrow brings.

I agree that it isn't time to introduce her to your kids. I've dated several women in the last year, but none lasted more than five months and I've never introduced the kids. When you do, I suggest that you start by introducing her as a friend and, ideally, in a public place (park?) where they can have their own activities and space. After a few times, you can say something about the two of you being partners or something.

I thought my kids would see right through it if I did that, but I once had a female friend over for lunch and, while the kids met her for the first time, they never asked questions. It made me realize I could do it eventually with a new GF.

Hope this helps. It's nice to hear from you.

PS: While infatuation is a bad reason to leave your spouse and kids behind, it's a wonderful thing to feel when you're legitimately available. Enjoy!


M39 D6 D3 (at S)
S 2014-09
D 2016-09

"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Re: Building my life... [Re: mahhhty] #2715895
11/14/16 07:31 AM
11/14/16 07:31 AM
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 543
L
lost18 Offline
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Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 543
Mahhhty! I'm so happy you have met someone! Regardless of what happens with her I'm glad it happened for you! Take your time and enjoy getting to know each other. You will know when it is time to introduce her to the kiddos.

grin
losty


Me-44 (45)
H- 50 (51)
M-'96

S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)

BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas)
home Oct(sep rooms)
(EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed)
insists wants D through July 2015
no more talk of D since
Re: Building my life... [Re: mahhhty] #2715906
11/14/16 08:01 AM
11/14/16 08:01 AM
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 3,735
D
doodler Offline
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Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 3,735
Originally Posted By: mahhhty
I still have trouble communicating and coparenting with X. I have tried multiple avenues attempts to close the gap between us and reduce confrontation, but it doesn't seem to work. So we aren't communicating in anyway that is valuable or supportive for the kids. And here I am thinking about the best ways to introduce someone to them.


mahhhty,

My xW and I use OurFamilyWizard to communicate and it works well for us. There's messaging and an event calendar, among other things; it's much better than phone calls and texting.

Re: Building my life... [Re: doodler] #2716447
11/16/16 04:03 PM
11/16/16 04:03 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
UK
V
Vanilla Offline
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Vanilla  Offline
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V
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
UK
Thrilled for you.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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