My story job 9140 (4)

[Jb9140]

I guess because I'm afraid she's going to think I've given up on our MR.

[mvgfwd2]

Your GAL activities are for helping you get through this. What are you doing for GAL'ing?

[Jb9140]

Not enough obviously. Thanks for the 2x4.

[sandi2]

I would like to know if any veteran out there could explain to me how to come out of this going dark process with out looking like I'm pursuing.

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I'm not sure what you are really asking. You want to stop being dark, and not appear to pursue? Well, I don't view going dark like some others see it. I don't believe in switching around like a darn dimmer light.........going brighter, then dim, etc. Going dark is like falling off the planet, which is almost impossible when you are co-parenting. So, for right now, can we not use the term of of "dark"?

Can you follow a rule of thumb to not initiate contact?

I guess because I'm afraid she's going to think I've given up on our MR

What would that picture look like, if she thought you had given up on the M? What do you see her doing?

[Jb9140]

Sandi, Thanks for the reply. Not initiate contact. Plain and simple, I like that. Think the dimmer switch analogy can be a little troublesome myself. Feel like I'm always trying to mind read the situation; which definitely is not letting go.

What would that picture look like, if she thought you had given up on the M? What do you see her doing?

This is a good questions, I really need to think about this. Thanks for challenging me.

[Jb9140]

Day 28 NC (phone, text, email, social media, Sunday drop off is unavoidable)

Sandi, Thanks for the reply. Not initiate contact. Plain and simple, I like that. Think the dimmer switch analogy can be a little troublesome myself. Feel like I'm always trying to mind read the situation; which definitely is not letting go.

What would that picture look like, if she thought you had given up on the M? What do you see her doing?

This is a good questions, I really need to think about this. Thanks for challenging me.

Happy Mother's Day to all the ladies on this board. I hope your day is filled with joy

Wife seemed pleasat this morning when she dropped the kids off. I gave her a card from the kids because I feel it's the respectable thing to do. No card or gift from me. She told me her parents had bought a place about four hours from us and she wanted to take the kids down to visit them this Friday and Saturday bring them back Sunday. I said that would not be a problem. I wanted so bad to ask if it was just the three of them, but i didn't. We have a parent teacher this Thursday, so I'll try to look my best as usual and not ask any questions that would be pursing. I really thought this would be getting a lot easier by now. Ummm

[Jb9140]

Actually day 31

Still trying to think of a good answer to the bolted question above

[sandi2]

You are thinking like a husband who is afraid of losing his WW.

Based on several reports of LBHS who would finally "give up", discovered that's when his W would become interested and even pursue him. Why do you think that is?

[daybyday]

Hey Jb. I took a break from the boards for awhile. Going on 2 months of S. I was great at DBing the first month. Then, I initiated R talk. When it first started I sensed WW was a little worried that maybe I HAD started to move on. But, as soon as she sensed me pining for her and asking for timelines and such, she knew she still had me and her mindset changed to indifference or more like someone who had control over me again.

I am on day 4 of start over. Sandi's spot on I think. I got impatient and am back to square one. We need to feel like we can move on before they will even take notice.

So, don't shoot yourself in the foot like I did. Plus, it helps us keep our sanity.

[Jb9140]

Oh she's spot into ton, almost scary sometimes how spot on. I know my biggest problem is fear and lack of patience. I want this to be fixed now. I've been sober for 18 years. I got a suggestion from a trusted friend the other day that I might need to do the 12 steps on my wife. I'm going to start working on this tomorrow. I believe the 12 steps can be applicable with almost any situation you find yourself powerless over.