Time for a new thread. The timing is appropriate. It has been a crazy journey these past 9 months. When I get some time I am going to go back and reread all my threads. That will be real interesting.
I came up with my list of 'sign posts' a while back. Slowly, they all started to get checked off. At first, it was as simple as WW responding to a text. Today, another will get checked off. I am going to see her for the first time in over 8 months today, almost 9 months to the day from BD.
I feel good about it. I have regained that confidence I had back in the day. I've gained about 15% of my body weight since BD, in a good way ;-). My invisalign is going strong really straightening out my teeth. My social skills have improved a ton. I know that I will be 100% fine regardless of what happens and that is the most important thing that I have learned over the past 9 months.
Today, I really do not have any expectations. I am good no matter how this whole thing turns out. I don't have any relationship issues that I want to discuss today. I'll just let her talk, validate and try not to get into anything to deep. There will be time for that later. I am just going to be confident, positive and easy breezy. It will be an interesting experience for sure.
M:26 H:32 T:8yrs ILYBNILWY/ "I'm not happy": 2/6/16 D-Day-discovered PA/EA: 2/10/16 Separated: 2/14/16 He's living with OW I moved to different state: 06/16 Currently: Trying to move forward
So just a brief recap of my first WW face to face in over 8 months.
The set up was good as there was only an hour that worked for each of us. I didn't want an open ended time frame. She brought the pup over and brought me my favorite easter candy. Really good seeing the pup.
She did look good. Spent most of the time just catching up. Talked about various things. I think one of my problems in the past was not conversing enough or not listening so I was giving my full attention and just letting things flow. There was no relationship talk from either of us. I don't think it was the right time for that anyway and I am glad it did not come up. I just wanted to enjoy that time and I did. She gave me a couple of good hugs and after an hour that was it, she was on her way to her parents for easter who right down the street. We agreed to meet at some other point and talk more.
So I mean I think that went well. No expectations help. Certainly was not awkward and I think I put a good impression of myself forward. Now I guess it is time to sit back and see what happens next.
So just one other quick tid bit from yesterday. One of my friends is a mess. He is an alcoholic and has lost his license for a long time. Anyway, when everything first happened he messaged WW, told me about it and I asked him not to do it again. When WW was over yesterday, his name came up because I mentioned he was at my house recently. WW then says that he has been messaging her. I was angry about it but didn’t let it show that much.
I thought about it later and thought this was an opportunity. I don’t think I am 100% a ‘nice guy’ after reading No More Mr Nice Guy but I would say I have ‘nice guy’ tendencies sometimes. So I thought this would be perfect for 180 especially seeing how limited my opportunities are. I told her how mad I was at him and how that was unacceptable (with much more colorful language). She sent me some of the messages. I don’t care how drunk you get, that is not right. I told my friend to knock it off and told her to let me know immediately if he does it again. I think this is the type of reaction she was looking for and it really is the type of reaction I should have anyway. Just trying to gain back that respect little by little.
It has been a while. It has felt good staying off of here for the most part the past few weeks. Nothing really new since I met with WW a few weeks back. We have had few interactions, nothing of substance, since and I have gone back to NC for about 2 weeks now. The only thing that seemed to bug was her was when I closed our joint account to avoid paying fees. There was hardly anything in there and hadn’t done anything with it in 10 months. She mentioned that she wanted to ‘talk’ about a month and a half ago but has not brought it up since. I brought it up casually a few times since but I would say the response was luke warm at best. Clearly, her actions are speaking here so talking is not be a priority for her, which it would be if she was having second thoughts. So I am a bit confused as to what to do. Honestly, I am tired of the whole thing and really do not want to continue on in this pattern. If she wants D, then fine, let’s get to it.
The original plan back when we were not talking much was to wait for the year anniversary, re-assess and probably move forward with D. I am thinking of speeding that up, to like this weekend. I don’t want to give an ultimatum, those are junk, but I do want to say something like if you have no interest in talking (which is perfectly OK) like you expressed a few weeks ago then it probably is time to move forward with things. The other option could be just to continue NC and go back to how I was acting a few months ago, but I am getting tired of that. It has been 10 months now, what cha ya'll think?
