It has been forever since I have posted, so I thought I would update on my situation. I just hit my one your anniversary since BD a week many a half ago. I cannot believe it has been a year since this who,e thing started. I have avoided posting the past few months as I am in the settlement agreement stage and thought it was best to not be post as I might be tempted to say too much. We should be signing this week, which means by mid-April I should be divorced. I am actually feeling very good about the entire thing and have accepted that this is what is going to happen. Yes, I still have moments where I reflect and it a little sad, I am very much in the acceptance stage.
The settlement process has been fairly straight forward except for some hurtful behavior by H. About a half a dozen times he, through his L, has tried to accuse me of hiding money or insinuating I have been dishonest. I have no idea where this is coming from as I have never spent a large amount of money without letting him know. I feel like he isa really hoping to catch me doing something wrong. Maybe to help make him feel better if he finds me being dishonest. I really do not know, but of course I have been able to come back right a way and disprove these accusations. Regardless, everything seems financially everything is falling into place like I hope. Of course, divorce is still a very costly endeavor, but given the situation, I am very happy how it is panning out. I still detect a lot of anger from my H. Nothing I can do abut that.
As for as the rest of my life I am doing great. I just got back last week from a vacation in Hawaii with my family. It was amazing!! H knew I was going out of town and waited until I had left to ask to stop by house to pick things up. He took some joint items without letting me know, but I just let it go and did not say anything. They are not really things I wanted, but just seems Not very upfront of him. I had called him on this behavior in the past. I also decided he needed to stop by the day I got back from my vacation. I almost feel like he did it on purpose, but of course I do not know that. I just ignore his text that said he needed to stop by and pick more things up from house. Keep in mind I have not seem H since last October. I said hello, but probably came off as cold as I went upstairs and stayed there until he left. I was feeling so relaxed and rest after vacation that I did not want him to give him an opportunity to ruin my mood. Not sure if that was good DB, but it was good for me. To be honest, I felt really indifferent about seeing him and felt very little. I can say that even though I was wearing casual clothes, I looked great. About 15 lbs less since the last time he saw me, hair longer and blonder, and tan. I know I looked good!!
Other than that, I am busy with work and other GAL. Have kept up with my fitness plan and am feeling better than I have in over a decade. Have plans to get out with friends a couple of nights this week. I have also been receiving some attention at the gym for some of the guys, but have not acted on it yet as I am not ready for that yet. All is going very week for me right now even with the occasional sad day when I still mourn the end of my M. The truth is life does go on and I will not let the end of my a define me. I will let it continue to help mold me into a better person.
I'm glad you are in such a good place and had a lovely vacation with your family.
And I'm sorry he is accusing you and being angry and playing games - isn't that odd? It sounds like you are much more detached than he is, actually. I hope things calm down and you don't get any surprises. How come he still has access to the house?
Keep us posted!
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
Painter, it actually makes sense. Based on his actions it still sounds like he is in his crisis and looking for reasons to try and justify what he has done/is doing.i am sure guilt has to be surfacing. I didn't even mention the fact that he saved zero of his paychecks over that 6 months and spent it all, whereas I did what I thought and was careful about spending. I honestly have done everything by the books. Yet, he is projecting stuff on to me??
My guess is (mind-reading) that my STBX has yet to really started processing any of this in a logical and healthy way, especially if he is still in A. I have no idea if that is still going on. You can only run from yourself and your issues before life catches up with you. Wherever you go, there you are. He will be disappointed when we are as and his issues are still there.
I decided not to change locks as that seemed like a hostile move and he is still owner of property. Since I had lawyer, I knew if he took any of great value, I could have it dealt with. We still have to get together to divide up household stuff, which he is eluding he is going to be difficult about as well. I am just brushing it off. It is just stuff that can be replaced. I have what I wanted with house and finances. I really am detached...maybe 90-95%. I honestly don't think I would entertain reconciliation, though I don't expect that to ever happen anyway.
Update---H signed settlement agreement today. I just have to sign and it is done. Decree should be issued by end of next week.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
You are almost on the other side of things! You have a whole new life ahead of you. No more of the petty, legal, logistical stuff to worry about! You have done everything with integrity. You really have. There must be such a sense of freedom. I am so happy that your are mostly detached and moved on. Thanks for coming back and posting.
Ok, some I am officially divorced. The actual event was very uneventful as I just received a signed decree forwarded from L on Saturday. No in person court date, so I was just on my own when I received it. Really felt indifferent as nothing had really changed. It is just a piece of paper. I am still standing and it is not the end of the world. I actually see a bright oath moving forward.
The odd part is now that the decree has been signed, we (really me since I am the one having to give him stuff) have a list of items from the settlement that needs to get completed ASAP. While I need to set these into action, I also need H to take steps to order to complete. I have sent him multiple business transaction in tone emails this week regarding things I need him to do in order to get him what we agreed upon and he has not responded at all. It has been 2-3 days. This is stuff that benefits him, so it is not like I am asking him to really do things just for me. He also wanted to set up time to discuss seperating household items, which I said fine/send me some times. instead, he opted to send me an email of what he wanted versus actually having a conversation. I just agreed to his list in a very light and no worries email reply. No fight whatsoever from me. He was quite reasonable with what he wanted. I just continue to be flabbergasted but his refusal to communicate in a direct and honest way since BD and even now after we are D. Yet, he truly thinks he is the great communicator. None of this behavior makes sense. Seems if he was detached that this would not be difficult stufff to deal with. I did briefly let some of it start to bug me, but I took a step back and asked why? There was really no good reason, so I let it go. If he does not comply, I will just involve his L. Sigh...
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
