So sorry to hear broke. While life gets a little more challenging, know that you have a place where you can vent and get some support here. Take good care of yourself and do what you can to heal. My wife's 1st husband cheated on her throughout the entire marriage and she then got with me immediately after, not giving herself a chance to heal. I think that plays a part in my current situation. I wish you the best!!
I know you are getting lots of good advice to focus on you and your boys. Spend all of your time, effort and energy on being the best Broke and Mom on the planet.
Please continue to join us here because we want to know how you are doing. It is a safe place to vent. DB strategies are great when it comes to co-parenting.
I'm wishing you all the best! Cristy
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
I just wanted to thank everyone for the support over the last month or so. I found out today that my WH is a serial cheater. Been doing it the entire time we've been married. I am done. Officially, I no longer have any desire to be with someone like that. So, there is no more need for me to DB for reconciliation. I will continue to DB for me and to be best mom I can be. Hopefully, my boys will be nothing like their father.
I will check in occasionally to see how everyone is doing. You all will still be in my prayers. I sincerely hope you all get the outcomes that are meant to be.
Your help and advice was invaluable to me. I've grown a ton in 8 months and I hope to find happiness. ((Hugs))
Honestly since you've decided that it's really over, that will be freeing for you. You'll start seeing all the flaws in your H that love blinded you to over the years. Make sure to get a good divorce lawyer. Preferably a real shark, female, and a bonafide cheating husband hater. Crush his balls in court. No harm in going scorched earth now. You may actually enjoy it. You have a bright future to look forward to. He doesn't.
Thank you for being so strong and such an inspiration to me broke. You walked with me the entire time i've been here and we were on the same timeline. You are in my prayers.
"Be messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyways."
I just wanted to thank everyone for the support over the last month or so. I found out today that my WH is a serial cheater. Been doing it the entire time we've been married. I am done. Officially, I no longer have any desire to be with someone like that. So, there is no more need for me to DB for reconciliation. I will continue to DB for me and to be best mom I can be. Hopefully, my boys will be nothing like their father.
I will check in occasionally to see how everyone is doing. You all will still be in my prayers. I sincerely hope you all get the outcomes that are meant to be.
Your help and advice was invaluable to me. I've grown a ton in 8 months and I hope to find happiness. ((Hugs))
Honestly since you've decided that it's really over, that will be freeing for you. You'll start seeing all the flaws in your H that love blinded you to over the years. Make sure to get a good divorce lawyer. Preferably a real shark, female, and a bonafide cheating husband hater. Crush his balls in court. No harm in going scorched earth now. You may actually enjoy it. You have a bright future to look forward to. He doesn't.
I smiled when I read this and think much of it is spot on. The only thing I'd add is that there is no financial settlement that approaches the value of being able to sleep at night knowing you made righteous decisions to the end.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
I want to thank everyone for your supportive posts over the last two days. Finding out about the serial cheating was definitely a huge blow. As I work through the anger and sorrow, as TxHubby put it, it is incredibly freeing to know that I have no desire to ever reconcile with my husband again.
Originally Posted By: Sotto
This is a very tough thing to discover - especially with a long M like yours. I can see that it must make the many happy times seem like a lie
This is what I am struggling with now: that my entire 20-year marriage was a lie. And, how was I so stupid that I didn't see it? It started the year after we were married. I had one clue 6 years ago and my H had a plausible explanation. I bought it hook. line and sinker. I feel like a fool and that I wasted more than half my life with him. The betrayal is beyond anything I could've ever imagined. And, I almost feel sorry for the OW now because she has no idea what is coming….because H won't stop. He's been getting away with it for 20 years - why would he?
I feel like I have no business posting on anyone's else's threads now because I obviously have no idea what I am talking about with regards to marriage (since mine has based on nothing but deceit). However, I did want to give an update:
- Thursday, I found out from H's bff that my H was a serial cheater (He just found out that day and called me an hour after he found out). He called me because he knew my H was stringing me along and thought he could get me back whenever he wanted.
- the bff got a call from my H in which the bff told my H that "he was dead to him and to never contact him again". He never told my H that I know what he has done.
- Friday I received 6-8 emails from my H. More communication in that one day than any other day the last 8 months. In them he never specifically asked about reconciling but he suggested a family vacation this summer, thanked me for being pleasant the last two months and that I was a great mom. Obviously, he is now worried that I know he is vile human being and wants to make sure I am still pining away for him. I only answered direct questions about the kids which means I only responded to one of the emails. I ignored the rest. I didn't let him know I knew about his betrayal.
My point being: All the vets on here know what they are talking about. My H knows that I have truly detached (without me even saying a word). He finally realizes that I am done - I have dropped the rope and will never pick it up again. I know it is really hard when you love so one that much to truly stop faking the detaching and to do it for yourself. But, it works. I saw it yesterday.
So, now, I focus on my boys. Try to be as strong a role model as possible. I am absolutely petrified that they will follow the same path as my H. If anyone has any advice on how to help them (especially those with parents who did cheat), I am open? My IC sent me three book suggestions, I am meeting with the kids' counselor on Monday and I have only told my family and 2 best friends about the serial cheating (I hope my boys never have to know anything about any of this except the latest PA).
And, as much as I would like to drag my H through the mud and make him pay for everything he has done, that isn't who I am. With the exception of the three weeks after I found out about the PA, I have handled myself with integrity (even those 3 weeks I never said anything to the kids about their H - just said a lot of choice words to H). I don't really have the vindictive gene. Would I like him to feel the pain he has inflicted on my sons and I someday? Yes - but, I think the only way that happens is if I live a happy and fulfilled life. And, the way that happens for me is to be able to know I tried everything I could to be a loving wife, tired to save a marriage that I didn't know was not worth saving and know that I continued to take the high road during the divorce process. Because I have to co-parent with him and my kids need to see that I handled myself with dignity when their father is as despicable as they come.
It is a little difficult for me right now to read your stories and threads right now because I am heartbroken that my M is not savable. But, I promise I will very soon. Please know that I am still thinking of all of you and I am praying (although I will admit I am having a small crisis with my faith currently). Also know that I know that I am strong. DB'ing for the last 6 weeks has really helped me - I am not sure that I would be able to not tell my H that I know about the serial cheating if it wasn't for me trying to be the best me I could. So, keep doing it. It does work - it is going to help me get through this. And, I know I will - I will get through this and I will be stronger than ever as long as my boys are healthy and happy.
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
The way you've handled this latest revelation speaks to your intergrity and strength.
To handle a bombshell like this with such grace definitely encourages me to follow in your foot steps no matter what happens in my sitch.
I can only imagine the feelings you are going through as your process the last 20 years. Rest assured, you will come out of this so much stronger and with the recipe to make your next relationship a wonderful one.
Keep being strong for your boys, they are watching. As long as you can show that life does indeed throw us major curveballs, it doesn't have to destroy us.
Wow Hope. The strength it took to post your update says alot about your character. Please don't sell yourself short on your uplifting advice to others. Your pleasantness is a breath of fresh air and what many need. Come back whenever you feel ready.
You are going to whole again Hope. Your boys will fill you up. Let them. Being a great Mom is also very sexy(as you told me about a great Dad).
Your H will get his. You are a strong person. I would want to make sure my WAS knew that I knew. I would want answers. You deserve them. But if that is not your feelings, right now, just know that we all have grown very fond of you. See you when you come back and please try to enjoy some basketball.
Fight the good fight no matter the quality of your opponent.
Me-50 WAW-45 S13 Married 24 years Bomb 1-Jan.2008 Disc. EA She came back for 8 years Bomb 2-Jan-2016 Separation 3-12-2016
