No End in Sight

[1313]

...Holy F he kicked my butt! He literally was so fast he faked a shot, I down blocked and he spun in a 360 and reshot before I could react lol. He was a monster and ended tech falling me in the 3rd period. But with 8 guys in my bracket I was the only one alive to see Regan in office or Bush or probably even Clinton.

Tim, glad you're having fun, just don't get killed! I used to like wrestling, but was too tall and lanky to be of any use. My center of gravity was all wrong.

Yeah, it's pretty funny that these kids have really only ever been aware of Obama in office, and barely Bush. And I remember going to a Nixon resignation kegger. Ugh.

This GAL stuff sounds great, I've got to try more of it when I get a chance!

[TimR]

Thanks 1313, it feels good to do stuff to make myself happy. It was better that jogging buddy came to watch... even if I lost grrr I hate losing. But that was not what made me happy (it made me happier that she would want to give up her time to watch) but what made me happy was that I did it. I feel like the old Tim is finding his way out. I did not do it to impress WW, in fact I heard her walk up to a mutual friend and say "Did Tim lose yet?" as I was preparing to go out on the mat. I didn't even do it to impress jogging buddy, (although I will admit I snuck away and did a bunch of push ups before I took my shirt off), I did it for me and S13. Me because it took a lot to get in shape and go out and give my all for 6 minutes and it made me happy making him happy.

Maybe, I am self centered.... IDK but all the goals and new goals I have posted are for me. They are for me in rebuilding my respect for myself. They are for me, in knowing that I am becoming a better me. They are for me, to show S13 and S16 that no matter what happens in life you can confront it with dignity and honor and you can always rebuild yourself.

1313 you need to find something you can do for you. I know you are in a rock and hard place with needing to be there for your mother. However, there has to be stuff you can do for you. Paint that master piece which is in the back of your mind, learn a new instrument, write that novel, connect with friends long forgotten... You won't believe how empowering it is for you!

[Vanilla]

I would love to wrestle Liam Niesen!

No..?

A girl can dream.

V

[TimR]

Lol funny story. Guess I am still the topic of conversation at family gatherings. Plus, grandmother is now sending messages with S13 for me, such as stop being such a coward and pay for the divorce and something else he could not remember. I asked was it something good, S13 laughed and said she doesn't say anything good about me.

He did make the comment that WW was laughing about me being alone for the rest of my life. S13 corrected her and mentioned that I have a person I am dating. Grandmother, then speculated on how ugly she is.... S13 then corrected her and mentioned how the Jr. and Sr. High wrestling teams always talked during the season about how pretty she is. LMAO.

I guess that stopped the conversation for awhile, until WW started grilling S13 about if I was asking about her OM2. He told her no, and that didn't say anymore. Since I am not worried about what she thinks, I did not ask anything.

Well that is my update. I am going to file but am waiting until I have some extra money. Within the next month or so. Although I was going to wait until she filed because I paid everything else in the marriage and she left me the two bills she was supposed to pay 6 months or so overdue. However, I think that is just me trying to control her. Since I am ready to be out there is no reason to prolong it. Additionally, it will be a good step in my healing and regaining myself for me to file.

[G8r]

Glad to hear you are becoming more and more comfortable with your sitch. Your GAL activities are great. I need to follow your example and start jogging and exercising again.

Keep up the great work!!!

[GWH]

Wow Tim you sure have come a long ways. Sure glad to see that you are doing much better, and i also think your making the right choice for YOU by filing. Keep up the good work brother.

[TimR]

Just a great weekend! Spent time with jogging buddy and we are really getting to know each other well. I do not know so much that we are treating it as a 'relationship' yet or just being thankful for the times we have together. Either way she is great company to be around and we make each other happy, which is a new feeling after the last three years.

Planning on filing this Thursday for closure for me... Even though WW told me she was filing, I guess she decided not to. It is one of the only decisions in the M I have made and I am totally at peace with it.

Today S13 qualified for Easter Nationals, which was the other reason for me having such an amazing weekend. That boy is my hero!

WW was there and although it started a bit tense (first time we talked or had to see each other in the last two weeks) it mellowed as the day went. I an just treated her like a friend I used to know but grew apart from. I am typing this and thinking despite all the hideous comments she made and appalling actions, I bare no ill will toward her and hope she can find her own happiness.

Next we are off to Ohio for another BIG tournament which will be a good warm up for S13. I told WW we will both need to take 1/2 from work to get on the road. S13 then chimed in that he would like it to be a guys weekend. I could tell WW probably thought I put him up to it but she can deal with that. I can not control the ideas he has and did my part by letting her know to inform work she needs some time off. If she goes I am fine with it, if she doesn't I am fine with it. I think it is S13 and her call and they can discuss it and decide without any input from me.

[GWH]

Glad to hear your doing well Tim. Sounds like your finding some happiness in your life. Hope S13 does well in Ohio. Keep us posted.

[1313]

Tim,
glad to see you post. It's incredible that you've got all this stuff going for you - I'm so happy. Soon this will all be a distant memory for you.

Sounds like things just keep getting better and better with S13, I hope S16 is coping through this as well as you guys. Great to think there's a quick happy ending for at least one of the people I started this journey with.

[TimR]

I can't say that it seemed all that short. I quite honestly think that maybe I was going through this for over a year but we just didn't call it a break up and just acted as though we were married. But I think when it comes down to it, we were breaking up for the last year and a half. I think then with all the meanness from her and cheating, just gave me the push to get on with my life. I have to appreciate that she made it clear and final. I am thankful that the kids are improving and also coming to terms with it. They are my life and I love them so much that it killed me that they were in pain through all this.