Ghost Busting - Time to accept what is happening

[ATPeace]

I have been in house separation for the past eight months trying to show my wife that people can change in the hope that my wife would give me another chance and let me show her that I can live up to her expectations of the man that she wanted me to be in our marrage

My W told me that it was over and that she would not change her mind and she has stuck to this no matter what I have done or said and because she is not open to working on creating a better relationship conversations at home are drying up and I sence that the end is looming.

So i have decided that I cannot do this any longer so....questions

First do we need soliciters to end the marrage ...it sounds like a dumb question but if she knows what she wants when the marrage ends and I agree that what she wants is extremely fair then she says that we can just go to the soliciters and tell them to put it to gether

Does it matter if she files for divorce on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour as it
Has been under one year since we Seperated

So do I sell house Then file for divorce or do we do the divorce first
I know there are three things to consider

1) the finances
2) the children
3) the marrage

In which order should this be managed

Do we go to the soliciters together canine solicitor wrap things up for us both

It is time for legal advice my W tells me that she will be fair and neither of us want soliciters to put a bigger wedge between us and start raking up legal bills

Dark times are here and it is now about how to walk away from this with enough that I can be a dad the best dad to my children.

Thank you

Ghost

[rd500]

Hi G , you need legal advice and then at least you will be aware of your rights.

As for W being fair , fair to her maybe. Time to think of you and act accordingly

Take care. Rd

[otw]

yes, please do not go with what you think is fair. You are emotionally involved.

You already stated you wouldn't take half of the money she has stashed because you want her to take care of the kids. News flash, when she burns through it she will come after you for money either way.

let the lawyers do it.

I have seen so many stories here where the lbs thought if they went along with everything and didn't upset the spouse everything would be fine.

wrong

[PigPen]

Ghost, get an attorney involved or at least a mediator.

You're going to hear over and over and over on here not to do what feels "fair" in the moment.

Right now, you're like the drunk at 2am that swears he can drive home and all of his friends say, "Trust us, take a cab. Sure it will cost a bit more, but trust us on this one."

I'm sorry my friend, but you're not in a position to decide what's fair for you right now. You need an attorney to make sure it's fair for everyone involved. Neither you or your W are capable of doing that. Does that make sense?

Neither of you are capable of determining what is fair right now.

That means you're not.

And your W is not.

Does that make sense?

[ATPeace]

So my W is saying that we split the acess to the children fifty fifty if I do this then I get to see my children as much as I can and so would my W also if I do this then a I understand it no child maintanve would be paid by either party.

Secondly she is saying that the house gets split fifty fifty with the mortgage being paid off with this deal I will get in the region of £300 to £325 k

Given the fact that we both want to look after our children then this sounds like an extremely fair deal I have started to read on other forums where the deal for the husband has been terrible with the W getting the home and the husband having to pay for the W lots of money.and he ends up with very little

My W is also saying that my cars are mine and her cars are hers and that her money is hers and mine is mine ..she may have £10k cash put aside and I have no idea what she has in her bank for all I know she may have been saving for years and years and she could have £10k in the bank or even £100k in the bank I doubt that it is anywhere near that but I have no idea at all.

The bottom line to the money in each other's bank is does it really matter what each other have if we both agree that the deal is fair and it is tied up legally then once we divorce if it is legal that she cannot then Come after me for more money then I at least get to stand a chance to rebuild my life.

What is the alternative I fight her for a share of her money and piss her off and then she fights me for all of our house and my money and I am left with no money to rebuild my life and it becomes a battle of the soliciters who then get rich.

I do hear what you guys are saying my W has also made it clear that when the house sells as part of this deal we will divorce and split everything at this time

I will be seeing a solicitor later this week I have to protect my family and I really hope my W is as fair as she says she is going to be

[ATPeace]

Pigpen yes that makes sence I just am worried if soliciters get involved they might try and sway her to going after lots more than she is offering as a fair deal for both of us. My W has never been a money grabber ...never all through our marrage she has always paid her way and she has never expected me to pay more than she has.

[mutatio]

If she can't come after you for child support in the future, I would take the deal. Any money she has stashed, is gone to you already. Remember 50/50 is only a good deal as long as she can't bite you in the a$$ as you walk away.

[rd500]

H G , this is going to sound tough but I would advise you not to believe a word of what your W is saying. She may well want a fair split now but who knows what's done the line. My W left with her car a clothes and I got everything , I still went to my lawyer to get a worse case scenario and protected myself duly , W knows none of this

PPs analogue of the drunk driver is spot on , you don't know what's best for you right now so please be led by experts. I'm not advising you take one penny from W more than your entitled to but protect yourself

Take care. Rd

[Sotto]

Hi ATP, I would certainly have a L in the mix and run past them what is being proposed. It may be fine, or there may be tweaks that need to be made in order to protect yourself. But if you have a L overview on things, this should protect you from falling into any potholes in your settlement arrangements.

To give an example from my sitch, my H proposed selling one of our two properties and we each take 50/50 (roughly what we put in anyway.) It sounded OK to me and would allow me to buy the flat I'm renting now. But it isn't 50% of our assets and I would have 'given up' the only asset (or leverage) in my name, without dealing with the rest. Worst case scenario, he spends everything else or gambles it all away - just too big a risk. So, I said yes to the house sale, as part of full settlement - ie: pothole avoided. However, I would never have worked through all of that without L input.

Do proceed wisely and with a suitably qualified adviser. Remember, this isn't just about you, it's about securing the best possible future for your family too.

Take care xx

[vise82]

Hey AP, I don't know about where you live but for me we are doing the 50/50 split on child care and I still have to pay child support based on that I made more $ then W. Its under $300 but if she was to have the kids all week and I got them every other weekend it was $1000 / month.

W lawyer is still in the process on writing the S agreement based on what W and I agreed to. Then next step is that I get it and go over the S agreement with my Lawyer, Haven't got there yet.

The other way to do it is for each item of the S agreement you both with separate L ask for what your L thinks a judge would grant if it went to court. With that thinking the Lawyers try to keep it out of court. This I guess is a longer and drawn out way of doing it. You also have to declare all financial assets and money. Your L should tell you all this.

I don't know if the way I am doing it is the best way or not but unfortunately this is the only way I can get the $40 thousand FIL is promising me if I keep it out of the courts.