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Hi Mel,

I suggest applying this phrase once they want back in. You are at a stage where the A has to be confirmed. A long way away from where I am talking.

FYI My W did exactly the same thing with the phone. If you want to make sure just use an excuse to get your hands on it. If he gets defensive that is a red flag. If he cuts out the sound for arriving messages that is a red flag. If he never used to hold on to the phone and now does that is a red flag. If he uses passwords or changes them without telling you or prefers to unlock it himself that is a red flag.

Basically any form of non transparency is a red flag.

Asking him or confronting him will not yield results. So no point doing that. It will only warn him to get better at concealing.

We are creatures of habit and make a lot of mistakes which is why we get caught. I am sure if you want to confirm if he is playing around or not just think back of changes in his habit, lifestyle or agenda.

If he is having a PA he will use the set of events that he has until now to not create suspicion. Suddenly having a new activity will raise questions and he does not want that.

If he is texting a lot chances are it is a new A or at the EA phase. Once the A has gone PA or is in full swing for sometime it turns into a relationship with less txt as they are talking when they meet.

These are imho but if he is clutching the phone then yes, he is doing something he should not. How much he is texting in my view determines if it is an EA or PA and in what phase it is.

Hope to have been of help

Peace

Max


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There's a lot of talking on your thread, Good Dad. Where are ya?


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Originally Posted By: sandi2
There's a lot of talking on your thread, Good Dad. Where are ya?


I wonder about the talking too. Especially when I'm the one doing it. I'd never want to hijack someone's thread. Sometimes we get asked questions by other members but it's in someone else's thread. I wonder if we have a protocol for that.

I guess I could copy their question, paste it into my own thread and then link to it as my response in the thread where it was asked?

Guidance needed please.



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Fantastic post and you a re a good man Glad things worked out for you

Take care. Rd

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Originally Posted By: TxHubby
Originally Posted By: sandi2
There's a lot of talking on your thread, Good Dad. Where are ya?


I wonder about the talking too. Especially when I'm the one doing it. I'd never want to hijack someone's thread. Sometimes we get asked questions by other members but it's in someone else's thread. I wonder if we have a protocol for that.

I guess I could copy their question, paste it into my own thread and then link to it as my response in the thread where it was asked?

Guidance needed please.

I think that is a good idea.


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Oh, it happens with me, too, Tx. But I mainly was just wondering about Good Dad. Maybe he's out GAL.


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Thanks Maximus. My H said he was not leaving back on Jan 2. We have had some great talks and we were both on the same page regarding the R and M. Phone use had ecsalated before that, I figured as a way not to engage me in conversations... Which was fine because I was DB'ing and only spoke when spoken to anyhow. But since, it has not subsided, and seemingly gotten more secretive and covert. I mentioned it, and his answer was he "does not want me to get the wrong idea." That ship has sailed!! I am pretty certain no PA, as there is no unaccounted for absences, or weird disappearances. But EA could very well be happening right under my nose.

I'm sorry for the hijack too. I felt my question was kind of universal, with a universal answer. I like your solution Tx.


Me 47 H 49 S18 S15
M 21
BD #1 11/09/15 ILYBNILY
I believe we are Piecing 1/2/16
Suspect EA/PA? 2/28/16
BD #2 "He tried, but needs passion." 2/28/16
Confirm PA 3/11/16, he's leaving in June
H leaves 5/7/16
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Originally Posted By: GoodDad
So is checking phone records and having email passwords being detached or do you just not care about that stuff?



Has she committed to you to have no contact with OM?

If not then let me save you some time: shes going to contact him again.

What good is snooping if you already know the answer?

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Originally Posted By: GoodDad
Ok... so Be my best... I can be a great dad. Easy. I'm all over that lately. But what does be my best mean around her? Do I do nice things for her I would normally do. I stopped doing those things recently when she moved to the basement.

What if she asks to come back in our bed?

I don't want to screw this up and push her away.


For the few weeks after BD but before we were separated, I was EVERYTHING my XW had asked me to be. I was a great parent, I listened and talked to her about her career, I bent over backwards for her. I tried to prove to HER that I was good enough. Of course, that was wasted energy.

My point was that you should just be the best version of you that you can. There's no reason to try to SHOW it to her. If she's looking, she will see it.

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You ok

Just checking in

Hugs

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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