One for the road....

[JellyB]

I think my DBing story has likely been at end for sometime.

I lurk and linger more for the people and connections I have made and the experience of humanity and hope, than for anything else.

I find reading newcommers posts hard most of the time. I over-identify with the pain and can't find the words to over any relief. And besides there are such good people here who do it so well. We know who they are because they have healed little pieces of our hearts and souls along the way.


There was no way when I arrived here that I was ever going to save my relationship. It was long gone whatever I had with Mr Ex. I really just didn't want to feel sad anymore. And I don't. I am a happier more contented person.

I am a terrible DBer. I don't understand the nuances. But I do understand commitment and love and digging deep. I thought that by some chance I was going to experience a complete transfomation that would be life altering, that would bring me the love I have always so desparately wanted, to not feel so alone. That was never going to be. I don't know why I thought it would. But my life has changed in subtle ways.

I am better friend, better listener, I have less need to be right, I am more open to being vulnerable, and while I have been so scared of losing people and connection in my life, of being left behind or not being noticed, I guess there is freedom from it when it actually happens and not actually dying because of it (I jest but really that's how it felt).

I have always wanted to be one of those people who naturally shone and succeeded in everything they did, who even in adversity just knew how to make it work for them. Yeah, Nah, not me. Yeah I'm Charlie hoping I will find my Golden Ticket. Maybe I will and the Chocolate Factory in the deal.

I guess if being here has taught me anything, is that you really don't know what can happen in 100 posts and that's ok, because no matter you will be perfectly and completely ok.

So maybe this is one final chapter, one more set of 100 posts. Who knows what will write itself, what adventure may be called forth, potential romantic senarios, more sad scenes, possibly some outrageous fun.

So here's to one more for the road people....


Jelly xxx

Previous Thread:

In the Arena III - Becoming Hilariously Pleased

[JksD]

Hi Jelly,
You are an awesome person and I am so glad I met/ found you.

I am sure there are many here who feel the same way. You are a gorgeous person inside and out and I am rooting for you to find your golden ticket. If you do, please share some of the chocs with me cuz I love chocs! I would definitely fly over to join you.

[mutatio]

Like you I am not a great DBer. I use it as a compass direction but don't do it perfectly. If I do it long enough, even this old dog may learn the trick.

JB, you are perfect just the way you are and that's what we love about you. Imperfection is perfection. Find contentment in yourself, you are perfection.

[rd500]

Have to agree with the others JB , you seem kinda perfect and with real insight to people. Don't sell your self short because you have and are helping people on here daily Your golden ticket is waiting to be found and find it you will

A big thank you from me because I read almost all your posts and find them helpfully every time

Take care. Rd

[Rain75]

I don't know you well enough to say much. But your post was both sad and uplifting at the same time. I have read some of your advice to others and it's always great.

I too hope you find your golden ticket JellyB.

[J5K]

Jelly

You are jind and caring. You have made a difference to many people in this world as we all have. Stay strong. I especially appreciate all the support you have given me.

We all DB at different levels. As we all know, we can't control others. We do the best we can and move on!

Thank you, thank you, thank you for helping me stay strong and contribute to finding who I am again.

[Zues126]

We come here hoping for great changes in our lives. For our relationship. For ourselves. We quickly learn how much is beyond our ability to change. Eventually we find happiness with thing as they are, without change. Isn't that the biggest change of all?

Thanks for sticking around JB.

[Fogg]

/wink.

[JulieH]

Hi jelly

Why do you say you are still a terrible divorce buster and what nuances do you not understand? Do you disagree with some of the advice? Or perhaps the way some of us interpret it?

I am curious because I value your insight so much.

I too often feel like I am just going around in circles. No real permanent growth. Or perhaps 1 day I do, and then the next day I'm dysfunctional again

[Vanilla]

Jellyb

DB is for life and it's a process. I see this as a journey not a destination and it's ok to be the expert and thenot the novice.

DB has saved my sanity if not my M. I have learned so much. Like you Jellyb my R was unhealthy and I was and am distressed.

There is still work to do and that's fine. I am taking my time as I have that gift.

I DB those around me all the time and it is so useful.

We never know when shift will happen, small shifts and larger ones.

I would like a new R and am afraid of it, so I still have more work to do yet. My journey has hardly begun.

It's going to be ok Jellyb there will be more shift.

I Internet promise.

V