Hello all. I think Lonely Hearts Club IV is an appropriate title because I feel like I need an IV. An IV of love from all of you at DB. My counselor was a little worried about me Tuesday. She said that I seem a little flat. I think that I am a lot flat but must have been able to fool her a little bit. She is encouraging me to get back into the hobbies that I so enjoyed previous to my problems. I don't know why but I just can't make myself do it. Those hobbies get me out socially and have always been a sanctuary for me but I just can't.
Someone needs to kick me in the a$$ and get me moving. Is it Newton's third law; An object in motion tends to stay in motion? I think part of why I am sad is that the divorce seems much more real to me now. I accept that it is reality but it is an unfortunate one. I also know that there is something better but the wait is excruciating.
OK so I'm doing yoga tonight and maybe going to the weight room. Taking S13 somewhere to eat. Planning to get together with some friends to play some music. I am also hoping to sleep off this cold tonight. Bought some good cold medicine to hopefully help with that. Rouky I need a nurse for a couple of days. I will pay your way here! Just need some tissue and a bowl of chicken soup! I will return the favor when you feel bad. I give a very good massage. Is this an online affair that we are having? Now I am smiling. Gosh Rouky you kind of are my chicken soup! I hope that isn't an insult.
OK I'm off to GAL. Thank you all for listening to my whining. I promise that I'll stop it but I guess I still haven't recovered from the holidays. I know they were hard for all of you as well so I am going to pick myself up. The first part of the yoga class has eighty squats so here's hoping that I can do them all. There is a part where we do a backbend. I am going to hold it the entire time tonight! Not sure how my tree pose will go as I still struggle to stand on one foot. Here I go, wish me well.
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
I'm afraid it looks like it for the online affair :-). You managed to make me smile and I'm so happy for that. I'm gonna go to bed with a smile on my face :-).
I'll be around yours in about 10 minutes! I'll cook you some nice French food! Can I also have a picture of your tree pose? I'll nurse you anytime.
We will all get through it but each of us at our own pace I guess. Hang in there, nurse Rouky is on call just for you :-)
Rocky and Shotgun, just exchange numbers already and be done with it you two! Who was it that said GAL = Get a lover? Kidding!
Shotgun, you can hold onto the person next to you for tree pose support, or if that is creepy, just put your foot on your calf instead of up on your thigh. Just keep it off the knee! Maybe I will do 80 lunges tonight.
Yes Shotgun, we ALL want a pic of your tree pose. . So glad there is a LHC IV because I would have missed all of this. I'm sorry that your having a bad day today. I have been as well. I actually tried to reach out to SEVERAL people to go have lunch or something, but no one seemed available today so I just went back to bed and then stayed in my PJs all day. I finally got dressed and came downstairs. My youngest was sitting on the couch watching anime on her iPad. I said hi and asked how her day was and she just gave me an ugly look, said "fine" and then got her earbuds, plugged them into her iPad and put them in her ears. She is so moody and unhappy most of the time. I do try to talk to her, but that goes about as well as trying to bathe a cat! Oh wait....just made her check herself and her blood sugar is 434....that could definitely have something to do with her HORRIBLE mood!
Not sure if H is home or even in town. I would normally drive by and check, but I'm just so not even interested in doing that today. His OW's bday is tomorrow. I know I shouldn't mind read, but I know that he's probably already in Austin with her. If not, he will be tomorrow. I wish that I could detach and not care, but I honestly don't know how to do that. I feel like if I detach, I will move on and I don't want that. And, even if I did, I'm not sure I would be able to do it anyway. My fear of change has always kept me stuck even when not happy with my situation.
Sigh....okay, enough rambling. Guess I'm going to go find something to eat. Was wanting to take D18 out to eat but aside from the fact that she would rather not be in the same room with me, her blood sugar is waaaaaay too high to take her out for food! I was really wanting some pizza too!
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
Shot, I'm sorry you're feeling flat. Hopefully our Rouky can perk you up. I'm a little down myself. Just caught my H in another lie, he's visiting OW. Not a surprise but still not pleasant to know.
MB, I wish I could completely detach. Every time I think I'm there, something happens to pull me back in.
What is this tree pose you're all talking about? Do share.
It makes me happy to know that I made Rouky smile! I can't wait to have my lovely French meal. Her nursing will always manage to bring me back to health.
Fo.2 I would swim the ocean to get Rouky's phone number. I did manage to hold the tree pose for a few seconds. I also did most of the squats. My legs are getting stronger and my core gets harder all the time. I will probably never have a washboard stomach but it looks pretty good for a forty-nine year old man!
MB there is nothing I would love more than to post a picture of myself doing a tree pose. Mostly because I love to make people laugh and that would certainly do it. If you can imagine a tree missing about half of it's roots on a very blustery day that would be me doing the tree pose. It may also be described as a tree dance in my case. Wow! You spent a whole day in your PJ's? I did that today because I was sick. What are we going to do with you. You drive by your H's house to check on him? Girl I see that I am going to have to kick your a$$. Where in the DB series does it say that you should check up on your spouse and their significant other? Well if you follow Rouky and I you will see that we try to get out as often as a single parent can. I have had those days when I couldn't find anyone to go out with but if I am doing what is prescribed in DB (GAL) I will have fewer open days to have trouble filling. Pull yourself together man! Get your hair and nails done and put on something sexy and get out there.
Gmum, it is sweet of you to offer your kindness to me even though you are feeling down. I think that we have all suffered during the holidays and really need to put all of that behind us. It is so shocking that our spouses have become liars but it is telling of how much that they have changed. It is also indicative of where they are as far as their values. I will not pretend that it is easy to detach but it is required work of all of us. We cannot get the attention of our S without doing so. Also it begins the process of healing ourselves.
I think that we all struggle with detaching and as my counselor said, there is just no easy way to do it. For me I have to not be able to see my wife. It is difficult but I try to not even look out of the window at her. Poor Rouky has to allow her husband into her house in order for him to visit his children. That is about as cruel of a situation as I can think of.
OK I have a plan. Let's all vow to do one thing this weekend to get out of the house for a few hours. Let's hold one another accountable and make sure that we all comply. It will be a little bit of a challenge for me because I have S13 for the weekend. He and I will do something even if we only go to church service. Likely we will eat out afterwards. I want to know by Sunday evening what everyone did so get busy making plans!
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Shotgun - I'm sorry you've been a bit shaky. You definitely fooled me, because your last posts have sounded pretty positive. LOL (Unless you were talking about W - but none of us sound very positive when we're talking about WAS.) It sounds like you had a solid plan for dealing with it.
I feel very detached, but when the day comes I actually move? I think it's all going to hit me hard again. I hope not - I'm doing my best to see the exciting part of moving forward - but I liked my old life. I never wanted to leave it.
I don't really have words of wisdom tonight. I'm in kind of a "blah" mood. Not happy, not sad...just here.
So, you cook? What do you cook? This is a very important question. Depending on your answer, your little french flower may have some competition. LOL
Wow! You spent a whole day in your PJ's? I did that today because I was sick. What are we going to do with you. You drive by your H's house to check on him? Girl I see that I am going to have to kick your a$$. Where in the DB series does it say that you should check up on your spouse and their significant other? Well if you follow Rouky and I you will see that we try to get out as often as a single parent can. I have had those days when I couldn't find anyone to go out with but if I am doing what is prescribed in DB (GAL) I will have fewer open days to have trouble filling. Pull yourself together man! Get your hair and nails done and put on something sexy and get out there.
Yep, a whole day in my PJs. I did get dressed when my youngest got home from college, but she wouldn't even talk to me so I just got back in PJs. I already have a lunch date with my mom today (probably should be sleeping!). I guess I will have to get dressed for that. Lol.
You're going to come kick my a$$? I read that twice and laughed both times. Does that mean you're going to come see me? Rouky will be jealous. I looked, but I couldn't find it anywhere in the DB book where it said I should drive by and check on H. Guess I just made that one up alllll by myself! In my defense, he doesn't KNOW that I'm doing it. I only go past there when it's late, dark, and he would be asleep. I NEVER go past his house in the daytime or even early evening. Does that make it better? And, the OW lives 5 hours away so I don't go by her house. That would not be a good thing anyway considering my newfound dislike for her.
I have bought some new clothes and have lost about 40lbs. I DO try to get out. I go walking a lot as it helps to calm me. I have had lunch multiple times with my friends. I've gone to some arts & crafts shows and Christmas events with my mom. I've hung out at friend's houses at night and played cards or just talked. I even went out with some girls (and my mom) Wednesday night AND somehow allowed them to talk me into getting up and singing karaoke (I can NOT sing!). I even put makeup on every day regardless of if I want to or not (except for yesterday). I really am trying, but even when I DO get out there, my mind constantly drifts to H. I have had children since I was 19, so I have never HAD a life before. Makes it hard for me to GET one when I don't know what that is. Compound that with a H that was controlling and isolated me from EVERYONE in my life so I never talked to anyone but him, and it just makes it so much harder. I feel completely awkward when I'm around a group of people in a strange situation, or if a stranger walks up and talks to me. I just want to get up and run!! I'm too old to have to get out there and learn new things and be someone I'm not. But the person I am is the one that wants to snuggle up on the couch with my spouse and spend time alone with him. Gonna be hard to get his attention....or to find a new H if it comes to that....if I'm sitting on my couch waiting for him.
I am going to IC though and last visit I told him that starting with our next visit I want to talk about ME and work on ME since I can't influence or change anything H is doing. Maybe I will make more progress that way. Certainly can't make LESS progress than I already am.
Anyway, I hope you feel better soon. Let me know when you're coming to kick my a$$ and I will make sure I'm not working that night.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
MB, so much of what you wrote...I can totally relate to. All those things about walking, making yourself look the best you can, not knowing how deal with other people *sigh*
I just don't know who I am, or what I'm about. I've even started to question if I still want to work in my H's industry any more (been working in it for 12 years now, and have an amazing track record of work). But is my heart in it any more? I don't know. Or maybe it's time to spread my wings and think internationally, do the same job but aboard for a short spell a couple of times a year. Dunno.
All the walking is helping me sleep at night, so that's definitely a plus. I was an insomniac for years, surviving on four hours sleep at best (and two or three at worst). I'm also beginning to wonder if some of that insomnia was due to repeatedly waking up in the middle of the night and not knowing where my H was, when he'd be coming back and in what sort of state (he was a party animal and a very heavy drinker). Things are a lot more peaceful in my house now without him here.
. So glad there is a LHC IV because I would have missed all of this. I'm sorry that your having a bad day today. I have been as well. I actually tried to reach out to SEVERAL people to go have lunch or something, but no one seemed available today so I just went back to bed and then stayed in my PJs all day. I finally got dressed and came downstairs. My youngest was sitting on the couch watching anime on her iPad. I said hi and asked how her day was and she just gave me an ugly look, said "fine" and then got her earbuds, plugged them into her iPad and put them in her ears. She is so moody and unhappy most of the time. I do try to talk to her, but that goes about as well as trying to bathe a cat! Oh wait....just made her check herself and her blood sugar is 434....that could definitely have something to do with her HORRIBLE mood! 
Does that mean you're going to come see me? Rouky will be jealous. I looked, but I couldn't find it anywhere in the DB book where it said I should drive by and check on H. Guess I just made that one up alllll by myself! In my defense, he doesn't KNOW that I'm doing it. I only go past there when it's late, dark, and he would be asleep. I NEVER go past his house in the daytime or even early evening. Does that make it better? And, the OW lives 5 hours away so I don't go by her house. That would not be a good thing anyway considering my newfound dislike for her.