Separated- Wife in Emotional Affair

[Mowgli]

Way to let it roll off your back!

You are doing a great job, man!

[Chris82]

Thanks Mowgli,

The struggle is real, and I know this upcoming weekend will be difficult since it is the first one that I'll have the kids from Thursday night until Sunday evening. She will have loads of free time to hang out with the OM and I'm going to do my best to stay busy with the kids to not think about it and just focus on making them happy, Maybe even a day trip out of town for a day or two with my buddy and his family to "buy me a couple days." Hey, fake it until you make it right?

At least it will give the appearance that I'm living it up with my kids for the time being. Whatever works right?

[trumpet]

Chris,

Keep on keep'in on.

You're going to have to keep working on yourself during this time. The marriage flame still burns, but it's in a back corner of the room right now. You're correct that when doing GAL'ing/DB'ing, you will feel yourself getting happier without W around - you are working to fix your side of the street. And it feels great! Anything you wish you could do - something easy, something that your W might have not been interested in, but you did want to do?

Of course she thinks you're making the rules - she's realizing her perfect plan A/plan B is now gone. She'll get angry, and stay angry for a while.

My wife still went ahead and filed the D, but held back on serving me. Others on this board aren't as lucky. But the dissolving plan B got her attention, as well as me ok with the marriage burning down - I kept repeating that I'd be fine with it, but that I was just really upset about how the kids were going to be.

It wasn't about me anymore -it's not about you anymore, Chris. You're right as rain.

Yes, some faking is ok. Be authentic when she isn't around - own your emotions. Digging a hole and putting your emotions in the hole, with concrete on top isn't healthy.

My hurt is still on a shelf. It will come out, but Lord willing, when we're both strong enough to deal with it, in front of a counselor.

Chris, could you do us a favor and put your info in your signature? Always good to have a little background on your sitch - I'm here every day, and keep up with many people, so I don't want to get anyone mixed up.

[Cristy]

Hello Chris,

I'm so sorry for the situation you are in.

Is this friend that W works with someone your W knows well? It sounds like you handled the situation beautifully. Keep focusing on being the best Chris and Dad that only a fool would leave.

I'm sure you are looking forward to the weekend with your kids. Have fun!

Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.

Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004

[Chris82]

This friend is someone that works closely with my wife, but isn't someone I would consider close to her. My W's sitch is comprised of a small circle of 2 other "close" friends. One of which is the OM and the other is a woman who also had an affair when she was still married.

I used to hear stories about this other woman's situation, and it slowly became eerily similar to the exact path my W's situation with the OM is developing. As if shes coaching her up.

My W's attention seeking habits have caused her to talk badly about me to her friends and they've never really liked me. My W is the type of person do "gain allies" at all costs. Even if that means to over-exaggerate situations to make her a victim.

I would not be at all shocked to come to find out the her "close" girlfriend was coaching her out of her marriage the same way she did her own. This close friend is still with the OM that she left her husband for as well.

[mvgfwd2]

Yes, beware of friends that have extra-marital A's. They almost always try to bring their friends into the same lifestyle. First, by showing how exciting, fulfilling and happy the A life brings. Then by pushing a wedge into your marriage and provide a sounding board to amplify even the smallest of disagreements. Followed by coaching how to hide an A. My W's "friend" went as far as setting up the first meeting between the OM and my W and planning double dates.

Beware of the "friend" who has had A's.

[Chris82]

I found out from my wife's call last night that their relationship has progressed beyond a flirtatious work cat and mouse into something of which she has admitted "strong feelings" for in the OM.

I feel like I am out of options.. I am a spiritual person and have prayed countless days about this over the past month and a half and I just feel like God has told me to not give up and that it wasn't over. Maybe it is and maybe it isn't, but I felt lead to ask her to just "Stop everything and agree to come to talk to someone with me." to which she told me "I will consider it."

She also made it clear though that she would not be cancelling her consultation appointment on Monday with a lawyer even IF she decided to go. I told her that I agreed that she shouldn't.

This is the only thing I know left to do other than toss my hands up and let the chips fall where they may.

[Azzork]

"Stop everything and agree to come to talk to someone with me."

Just out of curiosity, what do you hope she will say at this meeting? What is your goal by having this talk?

other than toss my hands up and let the chips fall where they may.

And what is wrong with doing that?

[Chris82]

I guess honestly, Nothing and nothing.

[Chris82]

My hope is that someone with neutrality can bring us together to sort out and discuss our feelings. I feel desperate and panicky.. Like the non contact is only driving a wedge deeper between us and causing resentment in her, only drawing her closer to another man filling her head with whatever he can spew to make her feel better.

I feel like I'm just losing her.