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I wish you all the best! I took a nice long break because I felt like my divorce was becoming too much of my life at one point. I got a little too much wound up in it. Sometimes we are very aware we are divorced, but it would be nice to just go about life not thinking about it.

I wish you and your kids all the best!

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Mozza Offline OP
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Thanks! It's so nice to see your familiar.... usernames. That's the hardest part: while I feel less involved in managing my D, I do still feel a connection to all of you. And the things you share still stay with me and make me reflect. Right now, I'm thinking of what "being defined by my D" means to me, after Maybell's post.

Yesterday XW took the kids out for D5's birthday. After she dropped them off, they were overcome by sadness, missing her, and they cried for a good 30 minutes (no crisis, mostly the silent tears of deep sadness). I consoled them and told that I was sad too when their mom left. I couldn't help thinking that XW has not idea this is happening, much like she doesn't know much about my pain. And then again, it doesn't matter because it wouldn't change a thing for either of us.

This week, it's been two years since XW walked out the door. I didn't think of it until I had a conversation about the D with a friend in the evening. Just that is a sign that I'm moving on.

I'm sure I'll come back and have a look around at your stories. I'll let you know when I get the D papers, for sure (yes, I'm not even oficially D!). I guess I'm just managing expectations and giving myself permission to focus less on that part of my life.


M39 D6 D3 (at S)
S 2014-09
D 2016-09

"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
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Good on you m8!

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Mozza Offline OP
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So, I got my D judgment. The date is almost exactly 2 years after XW moved out. It wasn't a very emotional thing for me, but it wasn't pleasant either. At least, it's done.

I had a rare argument by email with XW. She was asking for another schedule change and I pointed that she often asked for those and that the kids hadn't been on a regular schedule for some 6 months because of that. I said routine was important for them. She was very defensive and justified every schedule change as being required by some external factor. It proved my point that the kids schedule was last on the list of priorities, but I didn't tell her that. I did my best to keep things calm. It ended rather quicly, after maybe 6 emails. Still, it reminded me why I hate those arguments: I was affected for several days after this.

I've been seeing someone for 4 months now. It's very pleasant and we grow attached as time goes by. We sÍnt almost all my time without the kids together. She hasn't met them. I take it much slower than I did with the previous GF, putting no pressure on the relationship, not asking for official titles, not saying ILY. I speak with my actions and so does she.

I thought I'd give a little update since I just posted to mahhhty and Maybel. Hope everyone is well.


M39 D6 D3 (at S)
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D 2016-09

"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
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Nice one m8! Glad to hear about the new relationship.

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Hi Mozza,

I moved here although my D hasn't even started - none of us have filed. I still know it's just a legal matter to finalize, there are no other ties except a few financial ones at this point.

I'm glad that receiving the judgment didn't get you down. I'm wondering how I'll feel once WH files.

There was a little thing I noticed in your comment about your new R, that you spend almost all non-kid time together. I would urge you to maintain friendships and activities outside the new R. I have made that a priority and I see it working well on so many levels. Just a little nudge... wink


M 16 yrs, WH62, P54
3 adult blended kids
EA 11/13, BD1 6/14
PA fall 14, BD2 2/15
Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15
Separated 4/16
WH moved OW in 5/16
Divorced 6/15/17
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Mozz, want to acknowledge you but not sure what I can add to the story... I spent all my free time with My Guy for a long time too, but eventually real life needed me back and now that it's a bit more balanced things are better. Good luck finding your sweet spot and keep us posted!


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
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Mozza Offline OP
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Surprise!

It's been over a year and a half since I posted here, but DB just crossed my mind and I decided to have a quick look and, in case some old timers are still around, give an update. Maybe it would inspire some newbies.

First.... I have been DBed myself! I had broken up mid-2017 with the girl I was dating in my last message. Things were alright but I couldn't see a future together and I thought it was better for her to end it sooner than later (there was no one else on my end). Fast forward two months later and a chance encounter meant that we talked again. I was very wary because I knew that she had been hurt and didn't want to give her false hopes, but I accepted to hear her side of the story. Well, she told me all the right things! She was telling me how she regretted playing a role with me when we were together because she thought it would be attractive (the lack of connection was a factor of the breakup), she told me how she had changed for herself and how these changes corresponded to where she wanted to go, etc. So I agreed to see her again... and again... until it seemed clear that we could "get back together". It's now been almost a year and things are much better in phase 2 of our relation. In a way, it demonstrates the point of DB that the LBS can learn and change.

As for my XW, she remarried in May, with OM. I never thought it would get that far, but apparently it did. The bad part of me wants it to fail, but my better angels know that this stability is better for the kids (and me) and he's not a bad step-parent as far as I can tell. I still have the conviction that it won't last, but after almost 4 years, it's harder to say that it was just limerence.

I'm not entirely over my D though. I have accepted that I might never be. People seem to see it as weakness, or I perceive it as such, but if I was widowed, people would understand that I carry this pain with me for decades. It's still a very sensitive topic and I know that my GF finds it a little hard to have this emotion around. It's something that I discuss less with people around me, but it's still a topic with the people closest to me.

The kids are doing well (now 10 and 6) but they are not over the D either and will probably never be. They miss the other parent. Last week, D6 cried in a shop because she was sad I was no longer with her mom. It came at a random moment, showing how it's always close to their minds.

On the personal front, I'm proud to report that I have kept my gym habit for over three years by now, which is no small feat for someone who doesn't enjoy the process. I've also had professional success, growing my business and income. I bought a motorcyle last summer, a 20+ year-old project (I had an off-road when I lived with my parents), to take advantage of my weeks without the kids.

So that's it! From a quick search around, I'm glad to see that my old collection of success stories is still around and that they can still inspire some.


M39 D6 D3 (at S)
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D 2016-09

"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
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Awesome stuff buddy. This just goes to show that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and a bright one at that.

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Mozza!

My dear friend, it's lovely to hear from you. It's been too long.........

Far too long.

How are the kids?

Pleased to hear about the successes in your life. YOU DBed?

Well there is a thing...........

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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