My situation: My wife and I have been together for 6 years. We have had a very easy going and open relationship without any major drama. I am 33 YOA and she just turned 40 YOA. She has four children and I have none of my own. She has always been very insecure about herself since we met but that never caused problems. She has always criticized herself and thinks she is a bad parent and a bad person in general.
She turned 40 in December 2014 however things picked up about a year ago when she started hanging out with this guy from work "Helping him" with an addiction problem. She would spend nights at a time at his house. It bothered me because I knew she was sleeping with him however She will deny to this day that she was sleeping with him. I let it go and let her do her thing and she got bored with him and dropped him like a fly. Now she is moved onto to the next victim.
As far as the signs I've seen of MLC * Cut her hair short and dyed it purple * Started getting "Work done" on her face (Botox) * Distancing herself from her family and friends * Spending A LOT of money on things for her "Friends" * Neglecting all responsibilities (Bills, taking care of our children and dogs, house work, etc) * Spent many days just laying in bed watching TV or playing on her phone. * Doing anything she could to "Escape" Reality. * Calling in sick at work a lot. * and I know this isn't a classic symptom however she always hated "Selfies" and despised people who took them. Well this last year she has joined the selfie phase and posted them on FB. I honestly believe it's so when people like or comment it makes her feel better.
There are many more however I will sum it up as she is obviously struggling and trying to find happiness where ever that may be. She has recently decided to move out. She gave absolutely NO explanation as to why she was leaving or where our relationship was failing. I am not even sure if she knows at this point. It's been a month since she has been gone and we talk frequently however I have been distant as I believe that she needs time to work on herself.
I guess I don't have any questions but I wanted to share my story and certainly wouldn't mind any pointers if anyone feels like sharing. Thank you again.
M:6 Years W: 40 M: 35 Same Sex Couple 4 Children
BD: April 2015 PA with O/M: April 2015 Moved Out: November 2015
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
Thanks for the support. I have not mentioned to her anything about her situation and that I think she is going through midlife crisis. I have given her space to work on her and I have been trying to work on me which has been helpful.
M:6 Years W: 40 M: 35 Same Sex Couple 4 Children
BD: April 2015 PA with O/M: April 2015 Moved Out: November 2015
Stand4u...sorry youre here. Im new too. Just a week from last BD. I don't have any pointers but I will say it helped me a lot to read all of the links all of us newbies are given. They didn't sink in much that first time but reading them again helped.
If you are giving her space and not pursuing i would think you are ahead of the game.
Rain (moi): 40 Ex Fiance: 39 3 kids On/off again EA & PA Last BD by ow 12/15 Moved kids and myself back into our own place: 12/15
I will look for the homework section. I have read up a lot on MLC. My issue is I have been doing really well GAL and working on myself. It's been about 6 weeks since she moved out. I have not initiated contact with her much however she sends me messages almost daily. I try to keep my responses short and sweet but sometimes it's hard.
It's like I know she see's I am doing well and it's making her want to reconnect however I don't want to jump the gun in allowing her to come back because I know she is not ready.
M:6 Years W: 40 M: 35 Same Sex Couple 4 Children
BD: April 2015 PA with O/M: April 2015 Moved Out: November 2015
She may want to reconnect, but she could also just be checking in to see if your changes/improvements are for real.
Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
