You can do this, just focus on you first and foremost. Don't employ any revenge tactics or attitudes. Just focus on you and DBing you will do great. It is life altering once you fully committ to the philosophy.
I am focusing on me and I do not use revenge tactics or spite. That is not in my nature.
I see how DB'ing can prevent me from getting in this situation in the future. For my current situation though, I am not sure what else I can do to bust this up. I can count on one hand our interactions in the last 4 or so months. I have no idea where her head is and I hate this limbo state. I know, I know it doesn't matter. In fact, it might be better this way because I can't misinterpret signs as positive that I don't even see. Without any info, I think I can only view the past 4 months in a negative way in terms of where her head is.
I am tired from the last 16 years of dealing with this over and over. For most of that, we have not been married, but it is still the same deal. If I really focus on myself, then I have to ask is this something I want to continue with in the future? Even if we do reconcile, the chances of this happening again are pretty high. I don't know. No decisions on my part have been made yet, but I am leaning more and more towards ending this.
I was sitting at a store today playing with my phone and came upon a text from WW's best friend. This was from right after she moved out, months ago, before I had found this site. Anyway, there was a lot of stuff on there but this line got to me a bit:
"I know she feels terrible and guilty and she knows that people probably don't like her for the decision shes made, and she thinks you will be an amazing husband for someone someday...."
The thing that got to me was the last line. Since I have been about 12, my dream was to be an amazing husband........ for her. Everything else was second. I read that line and actually had a tear well up. First time I have a head a tear since before she moved out. The reaction caught me by surprise. I had that dream and then lost it. I never gave anyone else a chance for the past 22ish years.
Thanks for stopping in Feyth. Sometimes I find that posting and stopping by here too much makes it harder for me to detach. I am always relating everyone elses situation to my own which makes me think about WW.
My wife has initiated contact with me 3 times in about 4.5 months. That's it. I can't even count 2 of those (1 was to say thanks for flowers for her grandfathers funeral and the other was for an electric bill thing). So 1 time in 4.5 months. Ouch! Not a single phone call though I haven't called her either. That was really bothering me last night for some reason. Just nothing positive going on here.
I think I am going to initiate D proceedings come the new year. This is pointless. I do want to go with a joint petition though the more I look into it. No back and forth, let's just agree and get it done. I want to be the 'best husband' for some lucky lady. I can do it. I am looking forward to 2016.
On the plus side had killer seats for a Bruins (hockey) game this weekend with a buddy. Great time. And my nieces sent me a video text saying that they missed me. Really made my day. I really miss them, I love them a lot.
Love hockey! I used to dance for hockey teams many years ago (yup directly on the ice) did a few games back east for some minor league teams in your neck of the woods, too. Glad you had fun at the game.
Re: d proceedings- I have no advice as I am such a newb, but one thing that always rings out to me is what others say here- if you don't want a d, why file for one? Then again, only you know what is right for you.
Coming to this board is hard. I get jealous when I see other spouses reaching out... Even those who get the random "I miss you".... I haven't gotten that at all and it's hard because I find myself comparing my sitch to those here.... Definitely not an appropriate thing to do!
Glad you got a nice video text from your nieces. I'm sure that was a boost!
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
wow ice girl huh... that's impressive. I might have been starring at you at one of those minor league games back in the day. I love hockey, played all my life (lots of broken bones!). It is a GAL activity for me.
I read your last few posts on your thread and I also know people in really devastating spots. Whenever I get real down, I think of them. I am sure they would change spots with me in a second. It does help to think that way. Makes me realize things could be a lot worse.
It is hard not to compare my situation to others on here. I know it is not healthy, but still very difficult not to. Ah well... as time passes things get easier.
Everyone says that about the D proceedings. I do not want it but there has to be a time to throw in the towel. Right now, WW gets all the benefits of being divorced without actually being divorced. She can do whatever she wants without any guilt. Doesn't seem very fair to me. I think (mind reading I know) that she does not bring it up because it would be an uncomfortable situation for her. She is fine they way things are. As things were ending, I asked her, why didn't you bring up these issues? I am pretty easy to talk to. She said because it made her uncomfortable.... gee... thanks a lot.
Time will make things easier. Given enough you will begin to see things much clearer than you did in the first weeks since BD. I know I have gone through this. I still fall back to the same feelings I initially had every now and then but the strength of the emotions tied to the feelings slowly- very very slowly- fade.
I think we all compare our sitchs. As unique to our own experience ours may be there is certain commonality. We are hurt. Broken. Distraught. Missing. Name it. We are also healing. Learning. Growing. Discovering ourselves anew.
I find it interesting the words used by WW and WH. There is an old thread describing a script. The words used and reasons given are common enough to think they all read the same book before BD.
There are several here who like me believed our WSs left for someone much better than we were at the time of BD. Physically. Emotionally. I have given up commitment to these concerns. They did not help my progress and held back my urge to become a better me. Compare and contrast as we like it does not change the fact that we are individuals. And as individuals we have positive and negative sides to offer.
Hang in there. Give it all you can. Give it all you want. The day might come when you believe you have given it all. Who knows how far down the road that day might be. It might come after D for some. I know this sounds out of place. But we did not need a signature on a dotted line to fall in love after all.
Besides DB is not just for R. It is more than that. It is for ourselves and our individual futures. Is this a sad thought? Sure it can be. But I also think it is encouraging.
thanks 2point. I agree DB'ing is for ourselves as much as our relationship.
For me, Jan 1st is it. I am going to push D proceedings starting on that day. She has shown no interest in me in 5 months. Not a single thing. She must be pretty sure of her decision. Probably time to accept this and move on. Be interesting to see how this goes. I wish it was tomorrow in a lot of ways but I want to wait until after the holidays.
