It's been a while since I have been on this community and I wanted to drop a note of encouragement for everyone fighting for their family, their marriage, or their relationships. My divorce is 3 weeks away from being finalized and while I would be willing to TRY and work on things I have accepted that my WW probably won't be. She lied, cheated, deceived, etc. etc. but in the end you can't control your spouse, you can only control your thoughts and actions. It's not easy, and I know how bad it hurts and how bad you want it to work out. I read messages similar to this one while I was in the thick of it and I didn't want to hear any of that. I wanted to hear it's going to work out. but sometimes it doesn't, and that is OK. I have experienced so much in these past couple of months and it's getting to the point where the positive experiences are overshadowing the negative ones. There are still rough days, but they aren't as frequent as they used to be.
I would be willing to work on things with my WW, but I can't live on that hope or hold out on that hope. I have to live my life and I have to be the best father, son, grandson, brother, and friend that I can be.
The moment you stop letting your spouse dictate your emotions, your thoughts, and your actions you will start to power through this storm of your life. I can't emphasize enough that it isn't easy, and im by no means fully recovered and skipping through life. You control your happiness, not your spouse.
I HIGHLY recommend following the steps on this website, reading the divorce busting book and applying those principles. I think I am at peace with where I am at because I know I did ABSOLUTELY everything I could. There is nothing else I could have done. My WW chose to leave and she chose to give up on our marriage. I can't control that, but I have accepted it and I have decided to learn and grow and when the next woman walks into my life I know I will be a better man than I was before.
I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way to anyone. I am simply trying to encourage everyone that is going through what I went through. It hasn't been easy, but it's a process. Do what you can and learn as you go. My last thought; ask yourself what kind of man or woman you want to be and move in that direction. I had a hard time with that question at the beginning, but I constantly thought about it and I have started making strides in the directions I want to go.
My thoughts and prayers are with all of you. this has been the hardest experience of my life but I'm here to tell you there is a light at the end of the tunnel, you might not see it but I promise it's there.
Me: 32 Her: 29 M: 5 T: 11 D2 ILYBINILWY: Jan 15 BD: 2/13/15 (I found out, she didn't tell me) W filed for D after I confronted OM 5-27-15 Papers served 6-3-15 Temporary Order 7-15-15 W Moved out 7-17-15
Wow Kem. Nice to hear from you again. I think between you and mvg I should start my own thread. Seems that year + mark is important. My anaversary of BD was just a few weeks ago and I am moving in the right direction. Man, what a year. Glad you are doing well buddy.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Thanks NDY, I am glad to hear you are moving in the right direction. I know it's been quite the journey for both of us. I had to kind of separate myself from anything in regards to the Divorce and that really helped me out. February will be a year since I found out about OM, but it's been almost a year since the "I love you, but im not in love with you" speech.
The holidays will be tough because of sharing time with D2, but I'm working on focusing on the positives and I know the time I have with her will be great.
Me: 32 Her: 29 M: 5 T: 11 D2 ILYBINILWY: Jan 15 BD: 2/13/15 (I found out, she didn't tell me) W filed for D after I confronted OM 5-27-15 Papers served 6-3-15 Temporary Order 7-15-15 W Moved out 7-17-15
Thank you for telling us that sometimes not all marriage can be saved, and thank you for giving us hope that there is a better path for us at the end of this journey. Your post is what I needed today :-)
This: The moment you stop letting your spouse dictate your emotions, your thoughts, and your actions you will start to power through this storm of your life. I can't emphasize enough that it isn't easy, and im by no means fully recovered and skipping through life. You control your happiness, not your spouse."
That is awesome, that is what I needed to hear. I've started to realize and have come to know that "It's about me! I love Me, and if she's not willing to then so be it. I'm too good of a Father, Man and she'll tell you a husband (although not good enough evidently). I can't stress how AWESOME it is to hear this! As I wade through this feeling alone and broke down, I know I am on the right path and I WILL NOT LET HER DRAG ME DOWN.
Hey bud, I'd say it's working out fine. Keep on going forward.
This means a lot and is a great reminder, thanks Azzork
Me: 32 Her: 29 M: 5 T: 11 D2 ILYBINILWY: Jan 15 BD: 2/13/15 (I found out, she didn't tell me) W filed for D after I confronted OM 5-27-15 Papers served 6-3-15 Temporary Order 7-15-15 W Moved out 7-17-15
KTFO: I was in the same boat. at the beginning I thought I had all of the issues and it was somehow my fault. I've realized that isn't the case. I don't know your situation but my WW needs me to be the bad guy and she wants to blame me, but I have too much life ahead of me and too many positive things to focus on to let her drag me down to the pit she is living in.
sounds like you are on the right path for sure. Rise above the negative stuff and live the life you want to live. My motto once I saw that light was "you are a victim of the rules you live by" and im going to make my own rules, I won't let my WW make them.
Me: 32 Her: 29 M: 5 T: 11 D2 ILYBINILWY: Jan 15 BD: 2/13/15 (I found out, she didn't tell me) W filed for D after I confronted OM 5-27-15 Papers served 6-3-15 Temporary Order 7-15-15 W Moved out 7-17-15
KTFO: I was in the same boat. at the beginning I thought I had all of the issues and it was somehow my fault. I've realized that isn't the case. I don't know your situation but my WW needs me to be the bad guy and she wants to blame me, but I have too much life ahead of me and too many positive things to focus on to let her drag me down to the pit she is living in.
sounds like you are on the right path for sure. Rise above the negative stuff and live the life you want to live. My motto once I saw that light was "you are a victim of the rules you live by" and im going to make my own rules, I won't let my WW make them.
Thanks man, basically my issue was she took me for granted, I do too much for people especially her and she took me for granted as I was more a warm blanket and supporter. She had an EA then went to meet a guy in NC under the gise of her running a marathon. Well just found out really i September but full ahead over aweek or so ago.
I know to a man, I've done everything I can for 15 years.. anyways, I realize this now. She has the issue not me, she wants me but hasn't proven anything and not shown me any thing. I think she's incapable of showing me anything and I believe it will be the reason we end up D. I love her tremendously, but there was no excuse for this I'm a selfless giving man or maybe that's why.
Anyways, you give us lost souls hope! So as I ride this road to self repair I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it will be a lifetime journey. Her loss!
