On S6, even with all my meditation & mindfulness, I still sometimes lose it w/ S, unfortunately. It can be really trying. I'm glad W & I are working together on this with a specialist.
We are definitely on for Thanksgiving dinner. I had to get her to sign the lease renewal (helps protect my interest in the home if we are both on the apartment lease, I figure). I said that I had thought about her Thanksgiving idea, and wanted to get the kids for a few hours Monday or Tuesday to do some decorations, and if she could bring a pie, I'd cook and have it over at the apartment. She said that sounds really nice. Maybe I can get her tipsy & convince her to stay over and give her something we can both be thankful for. I doubt we're any wear close to that, but you know that fantasy isn't going to disappear just because I know it won't happen.
My meditation has been at a much lower level in the last month or so, just because of how busy my schedule has been. I've definitely wished for more time. I did get way for a weekend intensive last month, and am leaving for another tomorrow. I hope that the week's break from classes & work will bring some rejuvenation of my practice to carry me through until Winter break. If I can get one of my papers written & catch up on the grading, the end of the semester will actually be relatively easier than the last month or so has been.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
Thanksgiving dinner as a family sounds very positive! If you get her tipsy, maybe hide her keys so she can't leave. LOL- DB'ers turned into stalkers. Keep those expectations low As, but it does seem like she is thawing. Don't seem too eager, the rules still apply!
As far as S, I am glad to hear that even the mighty grounded Asitis loses it. I lose it far too frequently and I am not proud, but we are all human. I truly believe that my D's issus are what "did us in" - not that we were all that strong to start with, but parenting a special needs child is very tough on a marriage.
Also wanted to tell you that I still take your advice with my son, actually with both of them even though only one has anxiety issues, that I make it a point to get down on the floor and play with him at his level. Also I alternate that with music "jams" - my sons play the guitar and piano and I will sing or dance along and just "rock out" - the physical play definitely helps everyone's mood and makes us feel connected. H is very slowly engaging in it as well. Sometimes it is hard to remember to make the time- between homework and dinner and bedtime, etc, but even just 10-15 minutes makes a huge difference. A lot of the things you have shared with me have helped, but that is one thing in particular that stands out. Thank you.... and take your own advice, when things get difficult with your s that is the time to chase or wrestle.
I know the difficulty remembering what I know would be a better approach w/ S all the time. It is probably more difficult than changing the dance w/ a spouse. I'm glad you found the tip helpful w/ S.
Don't worry about expectations. I figure for all I know part of her warming up is that she's having an EA - I don't have any evidence one way or the other - just saying that there are a range of explanations for thawing is wide. I figure it would be better to expect the worst on that score, and let myself be pleasantly surprised.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
As, the range of explanations is wide, and you are right not to mind read. My H is thawing and I keep thinking it is because he is "trying", my friend told me it is probably because he is leaving for 6 months and that is cheering him up. Gotta love friends who don't sugar coat things. Time will tell.
Hi asitis, just wanted to stop by and say hello. Your a really good guy and I respect what your doing for your wife and family. I have learned to be patient and take the long view from your actions. Best of luck and thanks for the guidance.
Met with my L yesterday. Liked her, and she is on board with my wish that we work in a way that focuses on a healthy long-term R with my W and that gives us a chance for reconciliation.
I had her set up our first meeting with W & her L (in collaborative law, you meet all together, with no outside meetings w/ your own L). W was glad that I took the initiative to get the ball rolling.
Went out for coffee w/ a new friend I met on an online dating site (I've since deactivated the account on advice of my L, although she didn't think it was a legal issue). She's not looking to date either, just friends, like me. Turns out she was planning to come to my church & get involved in my Buddhist group, and had picked up on that in my description & was curious. She also works at the same uni I do. It was really amusing as she told me she was wanting to find out more about Buddhism as she was checking out a new church. As it was obviously mine, I said I'd be there on Sunday & was active in the Buddhist group. So we met after the Sunday service. We didn't have a chance to talk, but arranged to have coffee Tuesday. I like her, and she has been chatting back & forth since then via e-mail. Nothing serious or intense, just openness and light.
Decoration making with the kids this afternoon, and some cooking. W comes over around 4:30, and & we eat @ 5:30. I've got all the dishes ready to make. So, I'm going to relax and enjoy the day.
For all that celebrate, may you all have a great Thanksgiving despite our difficult family situations.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
