I am at a stuck point my wife wants me to be more nice but I am trying to back out of her life because she fired me as her H.I am replying to texts nicely instead of ignoring them. Maybe it too soon. As everyone says I need to start taking care of me and my kids. W has a friend that needs her dog looked after for the weekend. she hasn't asked yet but has hinted. I think I am going to say no, then I am sure I will get the anger treatment.
Thoughts keep popping in my head about the wedding she is going to, I am trying to convince my self this might be a turning point for my W. As temptation will be there as she will be gone for two nights and there has already talk about the best man being interested in her. This is a choice she will have to make to be faithful or not. Its one thing to ask for separation to see if her feeling come back. But to cross the line of a cheating while separated and living in the same house.
I just feel I am lucky that I don't know of any PA. I am hoping that it stays that way. It was like when she kept the rings on, it gave me hope, allowing me to positively continue on. I know this is a cheese less tunnel but with each betrayal I am able to detach more.
Just like the separation agreement, I have asked her to do one and have not seen anything yet. It up to her she doesn't need me to start the agreement. this gives me hope.
Me late 30's W mid 30's T 15, M 10 S4, S7 ILYBNILWY June 2015 In house S July 2015 W rings off Oct 2015 My ring off Feb 2015 Separate houses June 2016
So why have you started texting back to her? Is it b/c she wants you to be more nice and talk "like normal people"? If that's your reason, then you are succumbing to her anger again.
What good does it do to tell her not to contact you at work, only to turn around and do it after she says she doesn't like it?
Have you guys notice the common denominator in the LBH'S here on the board?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
You continue to obey your wife. I know that it is hard to unlearn this behavior, but you have to start doing what vise wants, not what your W wants.
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W has a friend that needs her dog looked after for the weekend.
It's Ws friend. Why would even think of doing this errand for her?
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Thoughts keep popping in my head about the wedding she is going to, I am trying to convince my self this might be a turning point for my W.
These thoughts are not helpful and are hindering your progress. You can't make them stop, but you can give them less importance. Definitely a cheeseless tunnel, as you put it.
"But to cross the line of a cheating while separated and living in the same house." My experience.. it does suck and IMHO follow the rule; do not snoop (no one benefits from snooping).
^^^^^^ Do not snoop. You don't really want to know anyway.
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
So after us going out as a family shopping, which after I realize was manipulated into going, as her conversation started with, well you will say no anyways... she wanted to go to a store, I needed something at that store, she has the only membership. so we went.
Came home I put the kids to bed then we watched tv separately, I watched the movie American Beauty.
I was inspired to take back the master bedroom.
I got into my side of the bed and she starts telling me to get out, I tell her if she is the one wanting separation she can get out but as of now I am sleeping in my side of the bed. She didn't like that, saying for now just go back into the spare bedroom and we will talk about it later. I said no, yesterday one of the kids told the babysitter that she cant sleep over tonight because daddy is sleeping in the spare bedroom because he sleeps beter in there, and that I only sleep next to mommy if family sleepover and then they sleep in the spare bed room. Well this was two months ago I said that and he remembers every word. I told this to my W and I said this should be your guilt and your lie because you want separation you should be in the spare bedroom and you can tell the kids what you want.
It got to the point that she refused to sleep in the spare bedroom, first she said she was going to call the cops and get a fake charge given to me. Saying it looked real bad for me to enter her room when she was in bed and didn't leave. I said I didn't touch you and I still have clothes on. Then she said whell who do you think they will believe. I said this is my house too and I can sleep anywhere I want. then she started to say well I don't fel comfortable in the hoiuse with you and I am worried what you are going to say to the children about us separating I am taking the kids to my parents, I said isn't that more tramitizing taking the kids now at night then just you going in a different room to sleep? Its your choice if you realy don't want to sleep in the spare bedroom that badly, you could go on the couch. I called her bluff and said its your choice but I am sleeping in the MBR now. She said you have made the separation decision easy good luck seeing your kids now. She said its not about sleeping in the spare bedroom its about me going into the MBR getting in bed and not leaving. Do you know how crazy you are looking right now?
She packed some clothes and left with the kids its three hours now and have not heard back. I texted to find out if they made it to her parents house ok, Still nothing.
Not sure what to do now. She snapped. Made me enemy no 1. is willing to lie to make me look crazy, and has said she will do that so that I wont see my kids.
Me late 30's W mid 30's T 15, M 10 S4, S7 ILYBNILWY June 2015 In house S July 2015 W rings off Oct 2015 My ring off Feb 2015 Separate houses June 2016
She wants power over you! She will threaten, manipulate, bully, blackmail.........whatever she thinks might scare you enough to make you act like a mouse, instead of a man.
Do not text her anymore.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Ok no texting. I am at a loss as to what to do next. At least she didn't call the cops on me with a fake charge. Do I do nothing? I was thinking of video taping the house to show I dint take or damage anything. I am expecting a visit from my father in law. Do I negotiate an agreement for what rooms we are staying in? Or has this got past the point because what she has done, taking the kids. It sounds like she has made up her mind on us going to court. Or do I ride it out. She left, her choice, her problem but she has our kids.
Me late 30's W mid 30's T 15, M 10 S4, S7 ILYBNILWY June 2015 In house S July 2015 W rings off Oct 2015 My ring off Feb 2015 Separate houses June 2016
She left. If she had counsel they would've told her not to. Don't negotiate w your fil. That's insane. Your offer was fair. If she wants to leave she can leave but she can't make you leave. Move all ur stuff back to mbr and m bath while you're alone. And don't worry about the kids. Courts don't like women trying to alienate good fathers, hey know they'll just end up being society's burden then-if it gets that far. Besides, nothing says party like a couple of kids tied to your hip.
