Apart from the problem of New Year I've been thinking about more practical issues. At the moment our finances are shared. I check the different accounts each week and send her a summary. So far no problems but would you think about formalizing a separation of accounts and asking for a contribution for S15? Or is it still early? Just focus on GAL and getting her out of my head? Any advice on either problem would be appreciated! Friends say I'm mor in control than the first days but it all feels so raw still.
Had to text W to tell S and I were hoping to join a gym( unfortunately he can't until next year) and I wouldn't be going to class this week. I mentioned I was going to buy clothes he needs for a trip. . She immediately replied Can I shop with him.i'd like to see you both tonight when you go to the gym. S agreed to shop some day with her. We ignored the suggestions to meet. Sounds like she misses us. Some cousins are also here in town for one night only. I declined invite to meet as W also going along. Looking at my last 3 or 4 posts... Am I doing the right things?
There's no 100% right or wrong answer. [censored] I know. Take the statements below with a grain of salt. I haven't read your sitch. But just the last couple of posts.
I didn't cut ties with family, pbut picked and chose what events I did. If it's something I wanted to, I did it without considering if the ex was going to be there. This way you can't be painted as the problem.
As for splitting finances and she's living with the OM? At this point you need to move to protect your son and yourself. Why are you waiting? Your partially funding things.
As for support, consult an attorney ASAP to understand your rights, etc. make plans tor you and your son ahead of time on what you want for you based on this information. Also get to know the laws in your state that determine custody.
Oh, and a word of caution for my threads if you venture to look, my ex is "high conflict" so I'm in a different position. But there's some good advice peppered in it (or least I think so... ;))
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
W texted me with idea about gym for me and S. I didn't reply. After thinking and talking it over I'm going to drop our class together. I'll email W briefly after I've done it. I'm trying to reduce the contact, I'll think about the New Year problem and finances later. Am I doing the right thing with LRT/ going dark? W isn't used to me not texting and answering briefly. I know she wants more contact but if you've read my posts surely that is cake eating. We've only been separated 6 weeks and I need time to accept everything and GAL.
Scrant be strong, your doing it right. It's not going dark, just LRT.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
I think that sounds fine Scrant. And when you leave your class, leave because your have a new plan that night. Don't tell your W I'm leaving because you're there and it's painful for me to see you when you're with OM- leave because it clashes with your new Ceroc or Salsa or cooking or language class. Be - as Defacto famously said - A street walkin' cheetah with napalm in your pocket. Or - as Caliguy said - Sylvester who just swallowed Tweetie Pie. Now it may be early days for a touch of swagger, but who knows in time..
Re-read that LRT section and follow it to a tee my friend....you're doing fine. And master the art of brief, pleasant upbeat....That's good - thanks...Great - no problem...Good for me - cheers ....brief shouldn't be curt....just....brief...and I think emoticons are fine but would drop using any hugs & kisses. Also, any mention of GAL is good - sorry missed your text, been out to a movie. Yes - fine for me. Again, nothing too obvious, but if you can drop little droplets in there that's all good.
And it goes without saying - you aren't initiating contact here (apart from any truly essential child related stuff) just responding when you get it.
Take care x
Last edited by Sotto; 11/24/1506:24 PM.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Thanks for the support and the advice everyone. Tomorrow I'm not going because I'm going to a cooking class with a work colleague. I'll text W explaining why I'm canceling plus I'll attach S's school trip details so she can't say she's in the dark.
W sent lots of texts to S and I trying to arrange a time for S to go with her and buy some clothes for trip. Annoyed that I didn't tell her about the meeting for the trip. I thought S had as she texts him everyday even though he has asked her not to. She has never normally gone and it coincided with her yoga. I explained I didn't think she would want to be with us and the mothers of his friends. They know that she has left me for an OM. Thought she would be uncomfortable. I told her I'm not going to class anymore. She texted that she has given up too. I asked why and she said it finished too late and she was tired. Don't know if I believe her. S going on trip for 10 days starting next week. She wants to meet us for breakfast the day he goes. I said it is up to him and I'll try to persuade him but I can't make him meet if he doesn't want to. She wants to call me but I'm working. I. Texted a joke about working but she said she can't concentrate while S is like this. I feel bad for her but I warned things would change when she left. S is fine with everyone else but her.
You don't need to fix W + S's relationship. It's not your responsibility so don't feel bad about that. You're doing fine with that part. You can validate her feelings on it but you don't need to fix it for her, she has to.
Last edited by Fogg; 11/25/1512:57 PM.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
I agree with Fogg, I would step right back in terms of W and S. If she wants to link with him in any way, encourage her to contact him direct.
Glad you got in there first with leaving class...try not to worry about whether she's lying. She lives with OM now and lives her own life - you live yours and yours will be a full and happy life with or without her...
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
....brief shouldn't be curt....just....brief...and I think emoticons are fine but would drop using any hugs & kisses. Also, any mention of GAL is good - sorry missed your text, been out to a movie. Yes - fine for me. Again, nothing too obvious, but if you can drop little droplets in there that's all good.