I thought this might be a worthwhile topic as we are on this forum 'cuz we "survived" and many of us want to find love again. I know a number of people here have met their spouse etc online so it might be nice to hear advice from those who have been to the promised land before venturing off into the weird and wacky world of online dating! I wrote these on my thread but I'll repeat them here to get us started...and I'm still looking but taking a break.
1. Have an online dating buddy. This endeavor is an emotional roller coaster and people can tell you till they're blue in the face not to take it personally but you will, some of us more than others. Having someone going through the same stuff gives you someone you can bounce stuff off, laugh with, cry with and not be told "maybe you should just wait for God to provide you with someone" (and when you do that they say "maybe you actually need to do something"). I've had my best friend look at my responses etc. to see if there is something I'm saying that will turn people off...nope. It helps. 2. Do not ever expect the best from people in online dating. People are people and if there is an easy way out most times they'll take it and leave you in dust. In "real life" there are more consequences to actions like having to see the person elsewhere etc., online there is NO consequences...so you can expect people to disappear frequently regardless of how much you've messaged etc. I've been focusing my search on Christian women and it don't matter how many "God bless you's" they give you they'll waste you just as fast as anyone else! We are all broken, it's good to keep that in mind. 3. Never ever put anything negative in your profile. It's very tempting to cite bad experiences etc. but don't do it. It says "bitter" or "victim" and neither will attract you what you want. 4. Related to number 2, there are a lot of people out there who have no intention or are just dipping their toes in the water. Don't think everyone online is looking for what you are...they aren't. I've dealt with so many women who leave me scratching my head and wondering why they're even online! 5. Trust your gut and don't give second chances. This was my number one rule when I re-started my search...and on a couple of occasions I violated it only later to say "hey, you should've stuck to rule number one!" Live and learn. People who dick you once WILL dick you again. Also when your gut says the person is disinterested or just a chatter...cut 'em loose. Don't waste your time. I learned that I can replace that person real fast (I know that sounds real bad but...) and don't need to hang on to a connection in fear that I won't find another...it ain't so. 6.Treat others online with love and respect. It's tempting to take the easy way out by ignoring, disappearing etc. but in the long run it's always best to be for others what you want them to be for you.
Absolutely! If you're going into this looking for someone to complete you or validate you or fix you then you'll be roadkill real fast. My reference to being "broken" was Christianese. According to the Bible we are all broken people by nature which means flawed and can easily turn to serving the self rather than doing right by others.
I wanted to say a few words about online dating. First and foremost, TIMING is everything. You have to be on the right site at the right time and so does your potential new love. Kuddos to those of you who were able to find that. I have not and have chosen to get out and do things I want to do. I always felt like I was "selling" myself online and that just never felt right. Somewhere along the line I chose men who were narcissists and emotionally unavailable. I had to step back and take a long hard look at myself. I spent some time in Greece this past summer and then returned to do some therapy. I know many people who have met wonderful people online and I know just as many with crazy experiences like I've had. I guess there's a new book called, Modern Romance, that talks about how 'disposable' relationships are due to online dating. I have it on hold at my library. I've joined a Mountain Club here in Colorado and I'm attending several meetup groups. If it's meant to happen, it will. It's nice to hear everyone's stories. I'm enjoying life out here in Colorado and waiting for the snow to start. My guy is out there and coming...I truly believe that.
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
Hey GG! Good to see you posting. I agree with you 100% I experienced both, the crazies and then fortunately the right one at the right time. I certainly don't miss the online dating experiences and am glad to no longer be in a position to use them.
You are smart to step back and not settle - your guy is out there looking for you - the universe just needs to put you both at the same place at the same time.
Hi BA! Congrats to you....sounds like you are doing well and moving forward.
Whatis, So true...all your wrote. Especially the second chances part. I am guilty of doing that too much. One guy chose not to invite me to a Labor Day party at his home and then told me about it! What?! Then he called and asked for another date! Craziness I tell you.
Life is good. I'm going to a fundraiser tomorrow night and I signed up for a singles' meetup at a winery in Denver. I keep myself out there and open and who knows??
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
