From what I have read, learned ... now that the A is 'out' ... its not longer the dirty secret, its real, a real relationship. Some of that drug has quickly worn off ... as your W starts coming out of that fog, things are going to become very very real for her, the fact she blew up a M, a family, all that ... the guilt will come in waves, some of this she will project onto you ... some she will swallow and try to deal with.
She will act differently ... maybe hate you more, maybe blame you, ask why you forced her into this mess, maybe nice you into things she wants ... regardless your dynamic has shifted considerably so I would suspect 'movement' by her.
This A will run its course, just the fact there is light on it now. Time will tell.
From what I have read, learned ... now that the A is 'out' ... its not longer the dirty secret, its real, a real relationship. Some of that drug has quickly worn off ... as your W starts coming out of that fog, things are going to become very very real for her, the fact she blew up a M, a family, all that ... the guilt will come in waves, some of this she will project onto you ... some she will swallow and try to deal with.
She will act differently ... maybe hate you more, maybe blame you, ask why you forced her into this mess, maybe nice you into things she wants ... regardless your dynamic has shifted considerably so I would suspect 'movement' by her.
This A will run its course, just the fact there is light on it now. Time will tell.
To add, this likely wont happen tomorrow. But slowly over the course of the upcoming months. So proceed as needed from a legal and financial perspective. But stay patient and watch from a personal standpoint.
In my opinion, the personal aspect and the legal/financial aspect are totally different, and really, unrelated things.
From what I have read, learned ... now that the A is 'out' ... its not longer the dirty secret, its real, a real relationship. Some of that drug has quickly worn off ... as your W starts coming out of that fog, things are going to become very very real for her, the fact she blew up a M, a family, all that ... the guilt will come in waves, some of this she will project onto you ... some she will swallow and try to deal with.
She will act differently ... maybe hate you more, maybe blame you, ask why you forced her into this mess, maybe nice you into things she wants ... regardless your dynamic has shifted considerably so I would suspect 'movement' by her.
This A will run its course, just the fact there is light on it now. Time will tell.
To add, this likely wont happen tomorrow. But slowly over the course of the upcoming months. So proceed as needed from a legal and financial perspective. But stay patient and watch from a personal standpoint.
In my opinion, the personal aspect and the legal/financial aspect are totally different, and really, unrelated things.
Cali guy, you always know how to put things very clear and to the point! I agree.
From what I have read, learned ... now that the A is 'out' ... its not longer the dirty secret, its real, a real relationship. Some of that drug has quickly worn off ... as your W starts coming out of that fog, things are going to become very very real for her, the fact she blew up a M, a family, all that ... the guilt will come in waves, some of this she will project onto you ... some she will swallow and try to deal with.
She will act differently ... maybe hate you more, maybe blame you, ask why you forced her into this mess, maybe nice you into things she wants ... regardless your dynamic has shifted considerably so I would suspect 'movement' by her.
This A will run its course, just the fact there is light on it now. Time will tell.
I've already experienced this. The day I confronted her and finally got the admission, we spoke on the telephone after speaking in person. She was sad. Even reinforced her idea that I am a better person than her. I asked her why she thought I was a better person and she said "Look at you. You could forgive me after what I have done." This was after I told her that if she ended it and committed to us that I would forgive her.
Then the very next day, when she found out how I got the evidence, she raged at me. Called me a scumbag and told me she hates me and just wants me out of her life. Told me that it "didn't have to be this way. That what she did was wrong BUT she had told me that she wanted a divorce a year ago and that I wouldn't let her".
So yeah, the gas lighting and playing the victim card continues. That is a pretty big shift from one end of the spectrum (guilt and remorse and stating what a good person I am) to the other (hate, yelling and blaming me for her choices and actions).
Well everyone. Here is a rundown of what has unfolded the last 2 and 1/2 weeks since I caught and confronted her about her affair. The biggest developments have occurred over the last 6 days so I'll bullet point them. As a refresher I have a 6 yo boy and a 2 yo girl. My wife has been having an affair since January and has brought the other man around the children on an almost daily basis starting in April. All the while lying to me and to the children about the nature of her relationship with him. She filed for divorce last month:
Saturday: My son opened up to me about some feelings. He told me how he felt safe and comfortable talking to me but it was different when he tried talking to mom. He said when he has tried to talk to mom the last few months about me coming home etc that the talks were very short and that they wouldn't talk again for a long time and that it confused him. He sensed mom didn't want to talk about it. He just wants me to come home.
Sunday: My son opens up about more things. He tells me about a "new house" that him mom his sister and the OM went to look at over the weekend. For the first time he expresses concerns about the other man. He says "dad I am suspicious of him. It isn't normal for someone to spend so much time around a family. I don't know if he is going to be living there but I will let you know if he does". He also expresses that he is uncomfortable around the OM and doesn't like him spending time around the family.
Monday: I get a long text from my wife telling me she found a place to live (does not mention OM). Tell me that she is MOVING ON SATURDAY (WTF). In this text she tries to convince me to allow son to switch schools because it is in "his best interest" and that she talked to him and he is "comfortable with it.
I talk to son. He expresses that if he had the option to stay at his current school and live with me in the marital home that he would prefer that. At this point he still does not know if other man is living in the new house but says that he would be uncomfortable with it if he was.
Monday night when wife gets home from work I talk to her and give her my answer on son switching schools. For the first time I tell her about all of the talks my son has had with me and disclose how he really feels about OM. I ask her if OM will be living in that house. She says yes (mind you my son and daughter still don't know OM will be living there too and still don't know the nature of his relationship with their mother). I tell wife my answer is no on son switching schools. That this is too much for a little boy to deal with and we are going to do what is truly in his best interest and what he is most comfortable with. I will move back into marital home and son will live with me and stay in school. She says daughter goes with her and stands firm on living with OM. We come to an agreement on this and a visitation schedule. I am relieved that I got my little boy and in my mind my next step is to get my little girl. I tell her that it is inappropriate for her to have tried to move the children in with OM and that I am going to do everything in my power to prevent him living with the kids.
Wednesday: I send wife text and tell her she needs to tell me what she is taking and leaving in the move and what we are doing with Son for Saturday night. Wife sends me text and asks if she can talk to me after she is finished with work. When she gets home (I was at marital home watching kids) she tells me that she is confused because she thought that I was going to do anything in my power to prevent her from moving in with OM and that would mean that I was going to fight her for full custody of kids and if that is the case than she is not moving. Will stay in the marital home until the divorce is final and than she can "move in with whomever she wants". Again WTF. She presses me about needing to know if I am going to fight her for custody. I tell her that I don't know what I'm going to do yet but you have made choices and those choices come with consequences that you must live with. She stands firm and says she isn't moving and if I come back that we must cohabit until the divorce is final (ummmmm....no).
Tonight: I call her and tell her the following. You have two choices and there is no in between. If you stay in marital home I come home and you end your relationship with OM, commit to your marriage and family because you will not live in our house while carrying on a relationship with another man.
or
You choose OM and leave. Daughter goes with you. Son stays with me and you live with whatever consequences come with that choice.
There is no in between and you have one day to decide. That is all I have to say at the moment. I say goodbye and hang up.
