So now the cat is out of the bag ... she was caught and not in the position to challenge you ... this too will most likely change, as she steps back rather than deal with her own actions, she may justify them, casting the blame in your direction for your short comings
I would keep the spew jacket handy and not get to comfortable she is going to play nice with the D ... at the least not show her hand. Protect you and yours.
Damn BE, you've known this all along in your heart though haven't you?
Cali gave you some great advice, protect yourself and your kids and now you know you don't have to walk on any eggshells here. Now it's 10 fold more important to be there for your kids and for yourself.
Stay strong, sorry this came up, but on some level I'm sure you can breath now that you have the truth right in front of you.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
I'm glad you had a calm discussion about your situation. If you opt to give her some time to locate a place, I would give her no less than 30 days. That way she can locate a place and move in within that time frame.
Please keep in mind that while she's feeling a bit guilty at being caught, she will agree to whatever you want...but as time moves along, those agreements will become null and void unless you have it in writing and they are specifically stated in the separation and/or divorce papers and she's signed them.
I'm so sorry that this happened, but you knew deep down something wasn't right...you just had to wait a bit and find the evidence.
Continue to post because you will need the support as you travel the path. It's not over by any means and the road may become bumpier as you walk it. We are here for you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you everyone. You all have been suck wonderful friends throughout all of this.
I knew for a long time and have had my suspicions since February. In my heart part if me wanted to believe all of her lies. Bu my gut kept pushing me toward getting hard evidence.
Partly a relief because I now know that I wasn't crazy. It was text book has lighting and projection.
Partly very sad. I mean, you never think it will happen to you. This is a life experience that will teach me that anything is possible. It can always happen to you.
I will keep posting.
Right now she just wants to get it over with so I'm going to strike while the guilt and iron are hot. I spoke to my attorney and her to hers.
Her original agreement, which was utter nonsense, had gone completely off of the table. The details are being worked out where I get the house, I get the good car (the one in my name) we do 50/50 legal and custodial custody and she gets no alimony and only $175 per week in child support.
Before I beat her at this twisted and sick game of deception she wanted $350 per week in child support, only 50/50 legal but her with full custodial custody and no overnights for me, she would stay in the house and keep the good car. He wanted all of this while plotting with her new man behind my back to start their new life together. All while being active in a long term PA.
Yeah, its a gut punch... been there. That being said I will commend you ... as much as you were out of control with things early on you do sound very grounded at this point. The truth seems to have set you free at this point.
Do be mindful here, she has had this going for some time and now that her 'fantasy' is starting to quickly crumble there will be movement ... the A is no longer as much a secret as it was, and that part of it fuels the A considerably. She also has to now move, figure out her 'new' financial situation ... along with having the 'bad' car. This is most likely not going how she had it all mapped out.
I think you are going through this well on your side .. protecting yourself finally .... taking the lead here. That said .. I do think its all fresh.. I do recommend you continue IC .. regardless of your M, there are some hurts there .. you might have shoved them aside .. but please continue to do the work, I think its AJ that said there are 2 ways out of this .. become better or bitter ... I hope you take the first door here.
Before I beat her at this twisted and sick game of deception
I hate that this is the attitude you have after this long. I understand the pain and the lies and the betrayal. But I don't think this is a healthy long-term viewpoint of your children's mother.
Before I beat her at this twisted and sick game of deception
I hate that this is the attitude you have after this long. I understand the pain and the lies and the betrayal. But I don't think this is a healthy long-term viewpoint of your children's mother.
I think it's a perfectly normal reaction under these circumstances, and aptly described. His W has been playing a twisted, sick game. How else would you describe it? It doesn't mean he has to hate her or talk her down in front of other people, especially his kids, but give the guy a break. He just took a giant punch to the gut. People sometimes need to vent, and much better to do it here, than in front of friends or family.
Me 47 W 42 T 24 yrs M 18 yrs W living with OM BD1: 3/7/2015 (A with OM#1) BD2: 4/11/2015 (A with OM#2, W moves out) WW filed for D, papers received 9/18/2015. Meeting to determine child custody 9/29/2015.
Yeah, its a gut punch... been there. That being said I will commend you ... as much as you were out of control with things early on you do sound very grounded at this point. The truth seems to have set you free at this point.
Do be mindful here, she has had this going for some time and now that her 'fantasy' is starting to quickly crumble there will be movement ... the A is no longer as much a secret as it was, and that part of it fuels the A considerably. She also has to now move, figure out her 'new' financial situation ... along with having the 'bad' car. This is most likely not going how she had it all mapped out.
I think you are going through this well on your side .. protecting yourself finally .... taking the lead here. That said .. I do think its all fresh.. I do recommend you continue IC .. regardless of your M, there are some hurts there .. you might have shoved them aside .. but please continue to do the work, I think its AJ that said there are 2 ways out of this .. become better or bitter ... I hope you take the first door here.
I'm in IC for the long haul, Cali. My number one goal is to get myself mentally healthy and strong.
The spewing has commenced and the "guilt" has become conditional.
Now what I hear is "what I did was wrong. BUT. We have been over for a long time. I wanted a divorce a long time ago but you wouldn't let me get one".
So...it's my fault and I made her have an affair, lie to me and attack me when I questioned her about it for months on end, all while she is conducting an affair on my dime and attempting to rake me over the coals and take me for everything.
I am so done with this woman. This has been an intentionally calculated and manipulative effort on her part.
I deserve better.
And the projection is mind blowing. None of us are perfect. We all have flaws. All make mistakes. I know and own my half of the pie. But a healthy person holds themselves accountable for their mistakes and wrongdoings. They show real remorse.
Not at all surprising, she is not to the point she is going to own her faults with the M, and by blaming you for the downfall that justifies the A, which she has most likely been doing for some time, but now she is just verbalizing this to you.
Drink the STFU Smoothies and let her express herself, you might be able to pick up some valuable information provided you can wade through the history re-writes she will do ... Call her on those, if something is not true, truth dart her.
As you said .. own your half .. not hers, keep your side of the street clean and let her tend to hers.
