BEC - Im really not trying to be a d!ck. I'd starting by rereading all of your old threads. There is a ton of great advice from Job, Cali, etc in there.
Honestly, she had already been lying to you and covering things up. Im not sure exactly what this changes. Except that maybe now youll be ready to put some of the stuff into practice?
Don't have any advice, but I wanted to say that I'm sorry. It has to hurt in a number of ways.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
I mean there is nothing left to do but what is best for me and my kids.
The evidence I got confirms everything. They are in love. Sexually involved. Have been working hard to deceive. Planning on getting a house together for them and my kids. Bad mouthing me as if I'm a moron and a deadbeat father.
Not really all that surprising given all you have shared up to this point.
I do not think you need to make some grand speech, nor confront her. You have been deceived and lied to, your W made a choice. She has had it go her way this entire time as everything has pretty much been on her terms.
So where does that leave you? What do you want out of all this? Keep in mind I ask what you want ... that means things you control here. I know there has been pressure to move back in, is this what you want, will it make things better for you and the kids... can you deal with all this up close and personal?
How is IC going? GALs? These are still vital regardless of where your sitch is.
Cali. I want to get mentally healthy and strong again. IC is going well and helping toward this.
She won't stay in the house when I tell her so I'm not even concerned about having to deal with it up close and personal. That's my house and enough is enough.
I want to move on with my life. Get myself healthy and find a relationship that is loving honest and healthy.
I want to be the best father I am capable of being.
Cali. I want to get mentally healthy and strong again. IC is going well and helping toward this.
She won't stay in the house when I tell her so I'm not even concerned about having to deal with it up close and personal. That's my house and enough is enough.
I want to move on with my life. Get myself healthy and find a relationship that is loving honest and healthy.
I want to be the best father I am capable of being.
First things first right? That part will come when it comes and you are not in a solid place right now for you nor anyone else.
Remember .. this is the best advice I can give you as it was given to me here by a very wise woman. Make your decisions from a place of strength ... not out of emotion nor fear.
Keep the spew jacket ready, your W's A has started to become more of a reality now that you know ... the hidden part of it was a rush ... now that its out things will change slowly .. remember, you can not control her nor what she does nor with whom, worry about you as you said .. become a better man from all this, a better father, those 2 parts are fully in your hands and you will not regret any of the work you put into them I assure you. My W's A, as much as it killed me, forced me to become who I am ... and I am not done growing yet .. I am thankful for this chance at a second life.
BEC, sorry to hear about the PA. Its one of the hardest things that could happen to a person so please don't focus on it. A new relationship wont fix that pain, it will only mask it and make things feel better temporarily.
You still have tons of advice in your threads that still applies. Take Cali's advise about making all decisions from a place of strength. I can see how easy it could be to use the info you have to attack her if she begins to spew, which wouldn't help anything. Don't let the anger over the situation(no matter how justified it is) control you.
Good luck with things.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Well. There was no spewing. I went to my house. Kids were with my father.
Sat down with wife and simply said "I know you have been lying to me about what is going on between you and OM".
At first she tried (again) to deny it. I stayed very calm and in control and said "No. No more lies. I know about it and I have proof".
That made her listen. We talked for a while actually. I got an admission. An apology. Tears. Etc.
Told her I was moving back home. She asked if I could give her some time to find a place. Told her I would think about it.
She collapsed on all of her hard stance nasty play concerning the D.
It's kind of like a vindication to finally get an admission that I was right all along. But honestly, there are no winners here.
She has every intention of staying with him and divorcing. At least now I did finally come from a place of strength. And it looks like I'm going to get what I want and what is fair in terms of finances and custody.
