So the game continues only this is not a game, nor a movie, but with real people and real lives and real kids.
Talked to L yesterday. He is preparing papers to answer my W's divorce petition. Once I review it, he will send to her.
I am guessing that we will negotiate a few points back and forth but L said ours is not a complicated case. We agree on custody 50-50 and no alimony or child support. I reaffirmed that I did not want this to be an adverserial case (as much as possible) and he agreed to do his best in that regard.
My L could tell I was crying and he said he knows how hard this because he has been through it too. I just said thank you. I appreciate your kind words.
Last edited by Cadet; 06/13/1501:30 PM. Reason: Link
Went through the same thing, 50/50, no support, alimony, etc. It's horrible. My state is a no-fault state which amazes me. She went out had the affair, is still with the guy, is already bringing him to family functions....and I lose 50% of my financial rights. WTF?!? I too had no desire to be adverserial but you know what? That takes two mature adults to participate. Some unsolicited advice? If you sense that your STBXW is at all vindictive or angry, play by the book. I failed to provide receipts for a few expenses and my XW is making a huge problem out of it. Play by the book, cover you a**. Good luck!!!!
mvg
As of December 2023 Me: 45 XW: 43 S13 S10 ILYBINILWY: 11/14/2014 OM: 11/14/2014 D process: 12/14/2014 D final: 04/2015
You know at my IC she said some interesting things:
1. Not everything my STBX says is the gospel - simple things she says would and still does completely sabotage my self worth and confidence. She said I need to get another thought in my head when she says stuff like "You will ruin the kids lives if continue down this lawyer path" and "You will destroy any shred of a relationship if you don't get rid of your lawyer." Everyone says she manipulates me and I go for it. Not any more.
2. I am getting my self respect back. I am accomplishing it by saying "no" to STBX and "no" to an open marriage and "no" to not firing my lawyer and "no" on summer camps she picked out ($900 per week!!!), no to being "best friends who co parent and no to being a doormat.
Now I can see how damaging that was to me to have done that for so long. In reality I knew she wanted to leave and I was trying to be what she wanted. When the harsh realities of life comes up, she runs. She did it once before and now she has really taken off.
It is best we don't talk or see each other now. At least there is no spew. And the only way that happens is when I don't engage, I don't think having an argument by yourself is much fun.
No pursuit from me and no response from her. The dance is over and again, I am getting used to my new life. Yes, there are bad ddays that I still have to pick myself up and crawl out of the emotional hole but little by little I can see the sunshine and I am grateful for it.
3). My prayers are now for strength to accept His Will whatever that may be.
4). I realize I have my own path to walk. It's my destiny and the truth, and it's one foot in front of another every day.
It is only through pain that enightenment or achievement happens. Life is struggle, life can be hard, life is beautiful.
How you've handled yourself, your care of your kids, and the fact that you've stood by and taken so much garbage from your W all the while being the beacon of strength should make you very proud.
It's a tough road being an LBS, but all of us should be proud of the fact that we're still here standing, despite taking the hardest of blows, often repeatedly.
Your self esteem is going to have a rock solid foundation when all is said and done. Build on that foundation when you can, but feel it in there on your hard days.
How easy would it be to quit? People do it and just walk away all the time.
You haven't. Nor would you. That's strength. That's esteem.
Be proud Heavy, you've earned it the hard way.
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
I know you wrote about that several pages back, but it's true. Whatever the OW has, it's NOTHING compared to the great mother, friend, and person that you are and will continue to be.
I totally agree with PigPen's entire post, espeically what he wrote at the end.
Very good for you, Heavy!
BTW, I saw your post in my thread and replied. Thanks so much. I needed that!
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
