Basically I'm in a holding pattern. Waiting for the settlement agreement to be signed. Waiting for the house to sell. Waiting, waiting, waiting.
My boys had friends over last night to sleep over which was pretty fun. Four boys can create a LOT of noise. It was pretty cute. But people who aren't really close to me don't necessarily know all the drama that's been going on in our family, and S9's friend's family is particularly clueless. So his friend asked "Why are you moving?" and I saw S9 struggle to figure out how to answer it. He came up with "Because we don't have enough money to stay here." That was an OK answer, except that his friend is from a very wealthy, very snobby family. I don't know how that will play out. And I felt badly for him -- it's the first time I've seen that any of my kids have had to explain the fallout of their dad's departure to friends.
It's been a rough couple of weeks and I'm TIRED.
We had a showing this morning about an hour after the boys all left and the couple stayed two hours, so that's hopeful. I have a mortgage packet waiting for me. My boss is NOT helpful and I could potentially lose my job (for sure I'm going to be going without pay at some point in the next two months) but it's just another thing I can't control so I'm trying really hard not to worry about it.
That's about it. It's not much of an update. But here I am.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
May welcome to our corner. There are many wonderful and supportive people here. I remember the day I came here also. Couldn't believe that this was happening. Just know that things will get better. Be patient.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Welcome to Surviving Maybell. Sounds like your plate is full. Moving under the best and most desirable conditions is stressful so I know your situation is extremely difficult. My mother just underwent a forced moved about 6 months ago (not due to a divorce per se - although it was basically to divorce her from her daughter (my sister) who was making her life a living hell and refused to get out of the house - long story) and she shed lots and lots of tears over it. However, she is starting to turn the corner, still not entirely happy but day by day things get a little bit better.
Have you talked with your kids about answering those types of questions from their friends about the move so that they have a ready response that they are comfortable with sharing?
I didn't think to help my kids with a script. I was focused on helping them understand what was happening and talking about how to manage it so we were all comfortable. One more thing I've screwed up I guess.
I am tired at a level I can't even express. Very little in my life is working right now. I guess I'm feeling a little inadequate and defeated and worn out.
This too shall pass.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Maybell, it's been quite a road. And you continue to inspire me. It is not perhaps the path you would have chosen for yourself, but you are moving forward with grace and strength.
I didn't think to help my kids with a script. I was focused on helping them understand what was happening and talking about how to manage it so we were all comfortable. One more thing I've screwed up I guess.
I don't think you screwed up. I'm just thinking that since it appeared a bit uncomfortable with them coming up with a response that perhaps you could now talk to them about that and offer some ideas as to how to respond in future situations. Also help them to understand that sometimes they don't even need to respond if the follow-up questions begin to get personal. They can always use the fall back of "I don't know, ask my Mom."
When Mr. Wonderful moved out, I knew we were going to be affected financially and that our lifestyle was going to change drastically (and it did). I live in a pretty wealthy part of our school district, though my 'hood is definitely not where the John Elways' of the world reside. (Think that magnitude of wealth-they are in our school boundaries.) I let her know from the get go that we could not afford to keep up with the Joneses, and though I would promise to get her what she needed, she'd NEVER, EVER be able to keep up with a good deal of the rest of her classmates and to just accept that. She accepted my discussion, and I left it up to her to manage. She got involved in sports and to my knowledge, it never became an issue for her or her classmates either.
NEVER apologize for who you are or your station in life. NEVER tell your kids that they deserve more stuff or something different. Once you do that, you minimize the good life you have right now, and you teach your kids that what you have isn't good enough for them. Let them know that where ever you live, you'll have joy in your household.
Hope your week is a good one!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
You're in the home stretch now. I never understood how people could throw a party to celebrate a divorce, but honestly, once I was done, I felt like celebrating the end of all the paperwork and uncertainty!
I too had to sell the house (although only my youngest, a senior in high school at the time, was home). Hopefully you'll get enough from the equity to settle into a comfortable place. (I bought a new-to-me home farther in the suburbs, much nicer house for much less money in a more middle class suburb, and love my new home.)
And yes, my Ex did such a good job of being a jerk at the end that he really made it easier for me to move on.
Some things to consider - if you are planning to buy a new home, check with a mortgage broker - I couldn't actually buy a new place until my divorce was finalized as they wouldn't count my alimony until I had 6 mos of checks and a signed divorce decree.
My divorce dragged out so it was 1 1/2 years between selling my old house and buying my new one - luckily the market stayed down during that time. Just something to consider.
Also - check out the Mr Money Mustache site for inspiration on cutting your expenses.
