Well, most days I think are pretty good for me and I think the W and I are on the right track they aren't all good. Last night w texted me back and forth, started small, but gradually worked into how broke she is. She makes more money than me and has not really been paying much for bills from our home. She should have plenty of money. I didn't bring that up. She then told me she still is paying on our wedding. We got married in our backyard, pretty limited expense. Trying to lay a guilt trip on me maybe? She doesn't seem to be too short on cash, new golf clubs and 3 rounds of golf per week. When s visits all meals are out. She then Mentions that we need to start dividing household possessions. I asked if that means she's given up on us? She said "no, it means I need to get a house and I shouldn't have to buy all that stuff again" I said "wow" a house sounds pretty long term" She replied "no, I'll just be renting" I told her we would have to sit down and talk about division of property.
That sort of thing really makes me wonder.. I don't think she can find or afford any sort of rental at this time. It does seem since she bought most of the household stuff she thinks it's hers. It's like she thinks I was just flushing money down the toilet and wasn't the one paying the mortgage and a lot of the other bills. She really seems lost and confused and I guess I really don't know how to deal with that.
This has been my mantra every time I tgink down the road you're on up there: "Not my problem." You're not going to pay her bills and such forever, so there's no reason to worry about her financial state now. It's not your job to budget for her or watch her spending.
As for your stuff, I'm not sure of your local laws; where I am, it's all split 50-50. So we will sit down (tonight actually) to list up all the valuables and split them up. It's gonna suck, but it's bound to happen sooner or later.
Just curious why you asked if she's "given up on you." She's talking to you about getting a new place. What do you think she's going to say? You can't take her temperature about your at - it's certainly not going to lead to her feelings improving...
Last week she had asked me the same thing. She seemed concerned that I had lost hope. That was why I brought it up I guess. Dstarching is pretty hard for me since my being relatively dstarched was one of her reasons for leaving. I did take some time for myself last night and went and hung out with a good friend. Made me feel better all in all. I did cancel my plans for a trip this fall to go help stepson on the farm he works on for a couple weeks during harvest. I figured making some money would be good instead of spending it. Getting some bills paid off would help me relax.
I'm thinking that it's time to have a talk, if she is thinking about her own place and dividing things up I feel like there should be some kind of boundaries set and a timeline. Will she be dating? How long does she expect me to wait? Son is headed to his brothers (my step son) sun for the week. Might be a good opportunity for a one on one
Any thoughts on this? I'm not sure if I should make some sort of demands or just see what she wants. I guess I don't have an issue with waiting if things are getting better or at least both of us are making an effort.
I know she has stopped talking to a couple of her friends because they don't agree with the decisions she has made lately.
I'm thinking that it's time to have a talk, if she is thinking about her own place and dividing things up I feel like there should be some kind of boundaries set and a timeline. Will she be dating? How long does she expect me to wait?
I think you don't have any responses because it's unclear what you want to discuss. What exactly do you want to talk ABOUT? What kind of boundaries do you want to set?
Regarding the dating, I'm unclear as to what your goal is in having this conversation. To make her think you're going to be "out there"? What is your goal? It sounds like you're trying to guilt or scare her into thinking she might lose you. But that's not really what would happen as a result of such a discussion. Instead of TELLING her she might lose you, let her think she is losing you through your ACTIONS. New clothes, more GAL, being mysterious, etc. I don't see how anything positive comes from this conversation - are you getting closer to your goal?
I have no intentions of dating, I just don't know if she does. She wants to divide things up and I guess we need to try figure out something fair there. I think she feels she is entitled to everything in the house since at least for now I am the one in the house. I do well at this for a few days and then I'm a mess.
Weekend is almost here. Have a good one everyone! Thanks for your help.
I have no intentions of dating, I just don't know if she does. She wants to divide things up and I guess we need to try figure out something fair there. I think she feels she is entitled to everything in the house since at least for now I am the one in the house. I do well at this for a few days and then I'm a mess.
Weekend is almost here. Have a good one everyone! Thanks for your help.
I still don't understand why you want to push this conversation. She's moving out, if she wants to take stuff, let her come to you. Of course you'll have to split everything, but why START that discussion...?
As for dating, it sounds like you just want to find out about her. I'm guessing she will say no either way. But what is your response if she says yes? If she says no? I'm guessing neither will really satisfy you. So don't ask. It will come off as controlling anyway.
Good point. I guess there's no point pushing anything right now.
Gal has got to get up on my priority list, should be easier now. I'm getting caught up around the house. Weather is great tonight, I'm going to go enjoy it!
S invited a friend over last night to swim, we both must have been tired because we were asleep early. A few chores to do this morning and then maybe in to town for a festival they have going on. Going to try stay on track today and just concentrate on the 2 of us having a good time.
