Well I'm glad I found this site. I feel better already about our future already. I caught my wife chatting with men online last July and she told me she was done and trying to find a way to tell me it was over. I was taken by surprise. I went to therapy a few times and realized my shortcomings ( not a real good talker about my feelings/ I am an introvert) I have always supported my wife and kids ( daughter is 7 now, son is 5 now). Our mothers had passed away recently, she had given up work to raise our children and I always praised her that. A few therapy sessions later my wife agrees to work on our marriage. Last November the real truth comes out. My wife had been sexual with another man on 2 different getaways and he got caught by my wife online with 4 other women ( another who had ended her marriage for him as well). Well I thought my wife had seen the light, she was so apologetic and remorseful about it. Things were good over the holidays But as time went on I saw her pulling back and being on her phone more and more. I had mood swings and some depressed days due to the hurt.Then I caught her sexting someone again then she said our marriage is over last Tuesday. She said she loves me but is not feeling "it" .I had found the 180 list about a week prior and felt good about the changes I was making for myself. So here I find myself not feeling so alone anymore and hopefulness that our family can be put back together and my wife will accept our love.
Me 44 Her 33 T 14 M 7 D 7 S 5 First bomb July 2014 Second bomb May 2015
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
I had started the 180 already when she told me last week. She moved downstairs to the spare bedroom, said she understood if I wanted to go stay somewhere else. No thank you , I am not leaving our kids or our house. I've been busy getting a life back, no more being a door mat,helping her with anything and everything. She had a gastric bypass last September and has lost 100 pounds and looks fabulous and has her energy back. We had a pretty over the top sexual relationship with typical high and low frequencies. Noticed a lot of selfies on Facebook and Instagram that was drawing the wrong kind of attention, then the sexting again.
Me 44 Her 33 T 14 M 7 D 7 S 5 First bomb July 2014 Second bomb May 2015
I had found the 180 list about a week prior and felt good about the changes I was making for myself. So here I find myself not feeling so alone anymore and hopefulness that our family can be put back together and my wife will accept our love.
Hi Mrrch,
To quote Cadet: "Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice."
What an awful situation to be in. It's good to hear that being on this forum doesn't make you feel as alone anymore and gives you hope. That's what we are all about.
May I ask what kind of changes you are making?
Keep your chin up.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
I had learned to be more open with my feelings thru therapy. With the 180 I stopped pursuing, started doing things for myself that I enjoyed,realized that I cannot change her, I am a good person. She has blamed me for her affair which I now realize is not true. Yes I was emotionally unavailable to a point but I see now that our mother's deaths made me shut down a little more to block that pain.
Me 44 Her 33 T 14 M 7 D 7 S 5 First bomb July 2014 Second bomb May 2015
Mrrrch A 180 for you should be to become a person that your W enjoys conversing with. Upbeat, happy, interesting. 189 doesn't automatically mean drop the ball- it means to turn around your failings of the past. Your W is craving attention, why would you think that becoming apathetic would draw her back? Pursuing- meaning following her like a puppy dog, begging, crying etc. is not attractive. However, being someone that she ENJOYS being around is!
My 2 cents- compete for her.
By the way- start focusing on your own appearance as well. Share the common interest of looking your best with her.
Yes i agree. I have left the sadness and pain behind. I started looking after my appearance more since last fall. She has said i have become everything she wanted md to be and looking good (she always said i looked good) I got the i love you but i'm not in love with you,you are my best friend,you are a great father,i'm good in bed,maybe she married me for the wrong reasons, i am a good person and i would never hurt her. Onward and upward for me
Me 44 Her 33 T 14 M 7 D 7 S 5 First bomb July 2014 Second bomb May 2015
