7 weeks in feels like a lifetime.

[lovethehub]

As the one who had the affair, I have to say that it really is possible to work on your M with the OW in the picture. That may sound ridiculous, and I know many will 2x4 me for saying that, but I can tell you that there was no way I was letting go of OM when H and I first started working on our M. It won't be easy, and there will be many setbacks, but that is true in any reconciliation regardless of an A. I agree that you should proceed with caution, and I am not saying that you should be okay with him being in touch with OW, but I am saying that it can still work and it does sound positive. I also think "no contact" and "complete transparency" are kind of bs. Unless you have a cell phone carrier where you can read each others texts, all you need is a delete button and the same goes for email. As painful as it is, it sounds like he is afraid to let go because he thinks things will go back to the way they were before. Yes, everyone is telling you this is unacceptable and the only way to move forward is for him to shut it down, but I am telling you that I did not let go of OM right away. I was afraid to believe my M would change and I didn't want to let him go. It will, however, come to a point where she has to go to make true progress. What I am saying is, I don't think you can really heal your M with OW in the picture but sometimes you have to realize that your spouse does not believe you have changed, is afraid to give up their "one true chance at happiness" and go with it until they can really see you have changed. I know some people cannot do that, it crosses the line for them, but that choice is yours to make. MWD has great advice and it works but you need to mix in a pinch of gut feeling.