Trying to Follow DB & DR (3)

[MrBond]

"(a lot like how I felt when I found out she was sneaking in to my apt. and taking things)."

Do you mean the time you allowed her to take her things out and then you tried to control what she could take?

"I feel like I'm in a place of acceptance."

I don't think so. It sounds more like a place of resignation. There is a way for you to save your M, but I do feel like sometimes you'd rather verbally spar than listen. Even in terms of you wanting an "aggressive" L, it sounds like you want to punish her.

It comes out alot in the tone of your posts.

[Miman2]

"Do you mean the time you allowed her to take her things out and then you tried to control what she could take?"

No. I mean the time before that, when a toothbrush charger and some cooking pans disappeared. She literally went into the apt when I wasn't there, took things and never said a word until I asked about it.

"It sounds more like a place of resignation. There is a way for you to save your M, but I do feel like sometimes you'd rather verbally spar than listen. Even in terms of you wanting an "aggressive" L."

I mentioned in my last post I'm going with the less aggressive lawyer.

I don't feel like it's a resignation. I feel that if I was resigning I would stop trying anything. No more counseling, no more CoDA, no more self-help book homework and I would just sign off on the reply to the lawsuit and start looking to move on.

Someone in CoDA last night mentioned that acceptance is like getting the wrong order when you're at a restaurant. You asked for baked sole but you got the blackened chicken. It's not what you asked for, but it's what you have at the moment and it's up to you to decide what to do about it next.

I'm accepting that the divorce process has started. There is nothing I can do to stop the process. The only one who can stop the process now is my wife, if she wanted to. Right now she doesn't want to stop the process. So I have to deal with that the best way I know how. I need a lawyer to be able best navigate the legal process. Other than that I have no control over anything else in the divorce process.

I'm not upset about it, I'm not letting it take over my life, it's not preventing me from doing anything else. I am hoping for the best but preparing for the worst. In the mean time I continue working on me, for myself. Not giving up on me or resigning to the situation at hand.

[rd500]

Hi Miman. I read all your posts and you don't seem getting the big picture. You spend so much time debating your position that I feel you miss the advice. If I cannust revert to my sitch. When W left I was devestated , 25 years and my best friend , I came on here , went to L/C and looked everywhere for help. MrBond gave me his time and I defended my actions in my M The second time MrBond gave me advice , I listened , went away and realised he was right and I was wrong I have never seen MrBond stock with someone like he has you. Maybe he comes across abruptly but he is giving you advice from a place of experience having saved his own marriage.

A very quick analogy , my dad will ask for directions. I will tell him the best way and he will invariably argue. Why does he ask me ? I'm talking 30 odd years of this and every time he asks I die a little inside ! !

I don't know you but I share your pain. I have no doubt you are an intelligent person and able to debate your opinion well but what good is it doing you ?

There is a time for listening and a time for debate. Maybe this is time is the former.

We all want each other to get through this with the best possible outcome. I'm just trying to get to to listen to someone trying to help you.

I often look back over my posts to see if I'm getting it !! Have a quick look back over yours and see how much energy you put in to debating No one is trying to put you down , just trying to help

Take care mate. Rd



Start a new thread - Cadet

[Miman2]

Part Four