18 years of marriage, 2 kids wife drops bomb that she is done, doesn't want to do this anymore, wants a divorce out the blue. She said she has felt rejected physically and emotionally for 8 months. I had a man problem that made me shut down because I didn't know what was going on with me and I didn't know how to deal with it.
During that time we did still fool around and do stuff. This is 14 weeks ago. Since than I found out I have low testosterone, which I fixed. Started going to therapy by myself see refuses to go.
She on the other hand stopped wearing wedding ring, sleep in spare bed room(told her she wants out she can move out), wont touch me, not even with a finger. Told me rejection has turned in resentment. Won't talk to me or anyone else about it. Keep saying she needs space and time. Has said few time she wants a divorce. She has also started going to yoga 4 nights a week and going out on Saturday nights. This is new for her.
For 18 years I thought we had a really good marriage, now I have no idea what's going to happen. I try and give space by not texting or emailing, but after a day or so she'll contact me and I bombard her with text after that, few time falling apart begging her to work on us, take me back. Trying hard to give space, but after 14 weeks, will she ever want to try and work thing out? Is she having an affair and keeping me around incase thing don't work out there?
She claims there no one but I assume they always do. This all came about fast. I believe the neglect is BS. I work 50 hrs a week plus I'm Mr. mom. I make dinner, take the kids to karate, soccer, and school functions. She on the other hand works 70-80 hrs a week comes home to dinner and the kids tucked into bed. Sure I forgot some other details, there's a lot going on in my head
Last edited by Cadet; 04/22/1506:17 PM. Reason: Carriage returns for readability
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
She claims there no one but I assume they always do. This all came about fast. I believe the neglect is BS. I work 50 hrs a week plus I'm Mr. mom. I make dinner, take the kids to karate, soccer, and school functions. She on the other hand works 70-80 hrs a week comes home to dinner and the kids tucked into bed. Sure I forgot some other details, there's a lot going on in my head
Hello Mobile,
As Cadet wrote, "Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice."
I think you did a great job with your first post! Please try to find the time to read Cadet's threads, they are helpful.
Of course you have a lot going on in your head. Your wife of 18 years dropped a bomb on you.
Please, take one day at a time. That's all any of us have.
Best of luck to you!!
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Hello Mobile. Sorry to hear of your painful times. You will find good help here. All I can say is the sooner you can become strong and supportive and give her what she wants and look confident and secure the further ahead you will be. Good luck.
I have come along way in the 14 weeks. First week I could barely function, as time has gone by with therapy, friends and family the roller coaster ride is starting to level out. I still have bad days, but not nearly as before.
Couple problems when try to go out. For 20 years I've known my wife I never wanted a massage, since this all happened I've been trying new things. Massage is one of them. I've gone twice in last month. Tried to go the other day wife start giving me all kinds of crap about going, on how I've never wanted them before, and now I want to go every couple weeks. Says "this is ridiculous". All of sudden she had plans, so I landed up taking youngest child on school field trip.
Second problem is I want to start going to gym. Mentioned to her I was going to go on nights she not at yoga after she gets home from work. She wants me to go after I get out of work, instead of being home after my job to greet kids after school. She said have them go to child care and pick them up after your done. I see no reason to do that when I can be home for them, make sure homework is done and make dinner. Figure I can go to gym when ever she gets home, not like we are doing anything together anyway. For what ever reason she don't want me to go after her work
mobile, do you have a way to verify if your wife is in an A? It sounds an awful lot like she is. Some say it doesn't matter. As a person who's rebuilding my M after 2 As, I believe it does. Are your cell phones in your name?
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014
No way to clarify, she has a person and work cell phone, bet you can guess which one she uses, but it's always been that way. I have checked her personal phone records but she really don't use it except for texting, which our bill didn't show text.
How much space should I give her? Should I respond to text and emails? Very confusing on how much space to give.
As Train said, it does sound an lot like your wife is in an A. Read through some of the other threads and the signs are all similar to yours. Is she protective of her cell phone? Does she dress/smell nice when she goes out or to yoga? Can you see her FB activity?
It is probably a good idea to do a bit of recon work to know what you are up against.
There are some great people here so you are in good hands.
Long story short separated but living together, married 18 years, separated 14 weeks do to feeling resentment from neglect.
Keeps saying she needs space and time. Last week wife book a trip for her and two kids without asking or discussing with me I confronted her she got upset and said I'm not asking your permission to go on vacation with our kids. I said ok, she's like what.
I said ok I understand when can do what ever we want without discussing. So yesterday I took our son to my job for couple hours, it was bring your child to work day.
She texted me from other room last night wondering why I didn't tell her I was taking him to work.
She mentioned D other day during argument over her vacation. Don't want to be a doormat but also don't want to push over edge.
Last edited by Cadet; 04/24/1509:18 AM. Reason: Carriage returns for readability
