I would absolutely setup a new bank account! If you share a joint account today, what's to stop her from emptying it at any moment. When I was going through this, the first thing I did following the BD was open a new bank account, transfer half the balance to the new account and all new deposits went into the new account.
Thank you all again for taking time to help me. I appreciate it so much.
Since the talk this afternoon, she tried to argue with me several times about the the "marital issues" she claims led to her A. She has NOT tried to argued about the boundaries I set.
I remained calm and told her that it's never ok to have an A. I reiterated that I would no longer allow her to treat me and our marriage with blatant disrespect. I told her that if she didn't want to work on our marriage she was free to leave and should leave. To make a long story short, she said that she will not leave because she does not want to leave the kids and has no where to go. I told her that as long as she's at our marital home, I would not tolerate or support anything relating to her A.
I'll give the separate bank accounts some thought. I may want to speak with an attorney first.
Today has been a long day but a good day. I'm glad I started to take a stand!
Time to tip a glass, Rubi (but just one). Crack out the good stuff. You did a really good job today, and I know it's much easier here from the cheap seats. As a classic fixer/pleaser/"Mr. Nice Guy" myself who's been through this, I know that was NOT easy!
PLEASE come here first before making any major moves this weekend. There is nothing that can't wait, and you can always put her off with a "Hmm, I'm not sure how I feel about that anymore; I'll have to think about it," or a "I'm afraid it's not that simple anymore."
Best to run things by the group here first. I myself am not on the forum as much over the weekend and I'm traveling next Mon-Wed, but I'll try to check in on you.
Today, I continued with GAL. I woke up, took care of the kids, washed my car, went for a run, then went to the pet store (my kids want an aquarium).
I think my W stayed up late last night. She slept until 9:30AM, then stayed on the computer all morning. She has not given the kids any attention.
Even though I suspended service to her cell phone, I realized that she can still use it to some capacity. It's an iPhone. When she is connected to wifi, she can still text with iMessages to others who have an iPhone. She can also use the Internet.
I don't think the OM has an iPhone. In the past, when I saw her texting him the messages appeared in green. Green messages are standard text messages through your service plan, blue messages are iMessages which are free between iPhones. I know her sister and best friend have iPhones. She's been on her cell phone a lot today too.
My interactions with my W have been limited. When we speak, I treat her with respect but i keep it short... Conversations about the kids, dinner, etc. Nothing else. She looks angry and is the coldest I've ever seen her.
I think she is scrambling to find a job and exit plan. I can tell that she wants to leave now more than ever. I'm sure she will find some other way to talk to the OM, if she hasn't already.
The W went out for a while. I checked our home phone. I saw that she called the OM from the home phone while I was out. I told her I would cut service to the house phone if she did that.
I am willing to do that but first I wanted some thoughts?
If you set that as a boundary, follow through. You certainly don't want her thinking you're willing to budge or negotiate on stated boundaries to protect your family from her adulterous behavior. You have a cell, so you have telephone service in case of an emergency.
PS STELLAR JOB YESTERDAY!!! I *KNEW* I didn't have to ice my thumbs yesterday for nothin'!!
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014
