I know that doesn't seem like a "life-long decision", but it could make a big impact in the way things unfold. For you to do that reactionally is not a good idea.
Just 10 days ago you were posting you wanted to invite her to dinner again. Now you don't want her stopping in? No. Until you feel the same way for at least a few weeks AND have a good reason I'd recommend not acting on negative feelings.
And, just my gut, I feel it is a little controlling. She's not acting the way you want so you're going to show her that by pulling back? She gets to be her own person.
If there's something completely across the line of course you can state your boundaries and enforce them. So if she's in an active A, or treating you disrespectfully in front of the kids, etc, let us know.
Otherwise I'd say talk more to us about what she's doing and don't rock the boat unless you have good reason to and those reasons persist for a while.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Thanks again Zues! I will continue to interact with her as I normally do.
With her living separately now I have no evidence that she has made any progress towards getting better from her addiction. I also have no idea the status of her EA's, but I have no reason to believe that anything has changed with her.
I was just getting frustrated with so little progress. I need to learn to be more patient, and accept that I'm not going to get the answers I'm looking for.
Me:43, WW:45 2 Kids: 21,22 Married: 23 Years Bomb: 01/2015 Separate Bedrooms: 02/2015 She left: 03/2015
During the WW visit yesterday she brought up marriage counseling. I was shocked!
Her therapist had suggested she give it a try. She has just started therapy, and has often stated that she has a lot to work on, so I was quite shocked.
I asked her if she thought she was ready for MC and she shook her head and started to cry. I told her I could wait until she was ready (I think it was a mistake to tell her I would wait).
While I'm not a mind reader I get the impression she still has no desire to come back to me. I also have no reason to believe she has ended any of her EA's, and I suspect her internet game addiction and spending are still out of control.
What I'm wondering is if there would be any value in attending an intro session or two with the right person. Could it help get things headed in the right direction? How much value can be had from MC with only one person wanting to save the marriage?
I have also thought, and spoken to Virginia, about the private sessions with Michele. While not in my budget, I would go into debt to have a chance to save my marriage. Would those be something to consider now? or should I wait until I have some signs that she actually wants to come back?
Me:43, WW:45 2 Kids: 21,22 Married: 23 Years Bomb: 01/2015 Separate Bedrooms: 02/2015 She left: 03/2015
I think I am going to defer to the vets on this forum to answer your questions, but I wanted you to know I am pulling for you.
I wish you well!
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Spent a lot of time thinking and talking with my sister about this. My confusion with how she brought up marriage counseling but has shown no signs of making any changes or wanting to be with me.
My sister made the point that there is probably still a lot of shame and remorse in her. She also made the point that she could have just kept quiet about the marriage counseling if it is something she doesn't want to do.
Me:43, WW:45 2 Kids: 21,22 Married: 23 Years Bomb: 01/2015 Separate Bedrooms: 02/2015 She left: 03/2015
My DB coach was in agreement that it's too early for the WW to attend counseling.
She did say that this might the opportunity to approach her about the personal intensives with Michele. So I am going to suggest that when I see her next.
Me:43, WW:45 2 Kids: 21,22 Married: 23 Years Bomb: 01/2015 Separate Bedrooms: 02/2015 She left: 03/2015
