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A Message from Michele
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Re: Is there a bottom? [Re: bravo61] #2576666
06/09/15 08:25 PM
06/09/15 08:25 PM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 414
Godless NW
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bravo61 Offline OP
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bravo61  Offline OP
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Godless NW
anyone? vets? Bueller?


M40 XW35
M11 T15
S9 D5
Bomb 6/3/14
Papers del 10/3/14
D final 12/5/14

I wish I could love you and make you believe it
'Cause that's all you ever wanted
From me

Re: Is there a bottom? [Re: bravo61] #2576762
06/10/15 12:07 AM
06/10/15 12:07 AM
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
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MrBond Offline
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Posts: 12,602
Did you have a question?


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
Re: Is there a bottom? [Re: MrBond] #2577020
06/10/15 06:40 PM
06/10/15 06:40 PM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 414
Godless NW
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bravo61 Offline OP
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maybe you can tell me what the hell this means. at soccer games this morning, XW said ok lets all go sit over here in the shade. i told her no me and S are gonna go over here to kick. thanks for the invite.once again she asked if i was offended(she's done this several times lately). just said nope. why does she keep asking me that? during the games she would once in a while try to make chit chat and i kinda listened to her but didn't really engage her. she did ask if i wanted to do something with the kids for father's day. i just told her simply that i didn't know if i would even be here then. she asked what was going on and i just let her know that i still don't have a job and she asked what i was gonna do. i started to get upset so as opposed to let her see that i walked off. S did let me know that she is stressed for me not having a job. i'm sure its just financial for her. she just want the child support i bet. when walking to the car she asked if i was mad at her. just smiled at her and said no karen im not mad at you. why does she keep asking me this stuff? i don't think she really cares or she just doing it out of habit? or looking for me to be the bad guy. think she may actually care and this is subconcious way of it revealing itself?

I'm pleasant around her but definitely do not go out of my way to be around her and NEVER initiate contact or conversations. just curious what anyone else thinks.

also, i taught my D to ride a bike in two days!! she loves it!!

Last edited by bravo61; 06/10/15 06:41 PM.

M40 XW35
M11 T15
S9 D5
Bomb 6/3/14
Papers del 10/3/14
D final 12/5/14

I wish I could love you and make you believe it
'Cause that's all you ever wanted
From me

Re: Is there a bottom? [Re: bravo61] #2577054
06/10/15 07:53 PM
06/10/15 07:53 PM
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
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MrBond Offline
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Posts: 12,602
"why does she keep asking me that?"

Why shouldn't she? I mean it does sound off putting. Just say "no thanks", smile at her and walk off.

"during the games she would once in a while try to make chit chat and i kinda listened to her but didn't really engage her. she did ask if i wanted to do something with the kids for father's day. i just told her simply that i didn't know if i would even be here then. she asked what was going on and i just let her know that i still don't have a job and she asked what i was gonna do. i started to get upset so as opposed to let her see that i walked off. S did let me know that she is stressed for me not having a job. i'm sure its just financial for her. she just want the child support i bet. "

Mind reading. That's your resentment talking. Having those conversations in your head don't help anyone.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
Re: Is there a bottom? [Re: MrBond] #2585197
07/06/15 06:29 PM
07/06/15 06:29 PM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 414
Godless NW
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bravo61 Offline OP
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Thanks Mr B. You're right I am resentful at times. Definitely something I need to work on.

Few updates: when I saw her on Father's Day at pickup, I told her I was praying for her(missing her dad). She said that she hates that day and immediately started to cry. I went to her and just hugged her (she hugged back) and said I was sorry. She mentioned that she wishes she had those 45 minutes back (she left hospital at my request 45 minutes prior to his death). I told her I was sorry for my part in that. Hugged her again (closed old this time) & left. Picked up flowers for the kids to give her at drop off (same afternoon)-just right thing to do.

Couple of times since then, she's accused me of trying to influence the kids into guilting her back because in her words "they've had problems" & it's worse after visiting with me. Of course they say the same things to me but I don't mention it except to say "I know it's tough to hear that".

I have a female friend that is gorgeous that wants to date me. Couple of times when she would pick up kids, I would leave at the same time dressed very nice (1x at 1130p). Kids have heard me talk to her confirming plans. The other day, she asked my S where I went after pickup. He said to his friends house & she asked if they had met her(no-I'm not ready to date yet).

At this occurrence^^, she told S that she was dating a doctor she works with (despite her promise to him she wouldn't date) & S would like him due to OM love of dirtbikes & video games. As S volunteered this info, my D (on her birthday) overheard it & melted down. "No daddy, that can't be right! She said they were just friends! How are we gonna be a family again? Please daddy, don't give up, save our family! Mama's worth it!!". She sobbed for 5 minutes.

I'll admit, I'm really hurt over this disclosure. In one of the emails regarding the kids she said "divorce is painful for everyone and hard to accept" & that she wants the kids "vet used to the circumstances". What a selfish, heartless b@$Ch!!

S did say I'm much more attractive than OM is. S saw a pic. The thought of her with another man just keeps running through my mind and it kills me. Well, she wanted a Doc and now she has one. What sux is that since they work together & see each other outside of work that's a lot of time to bond. Can't help but wonder if this was going on when I still lived back home & she was here. Or she coulda been planning it.


M40 XW35
M11 T15
S9 D5
Bomb 6/3/14
Papers del 10/3/14
D final 12/5/14

I wish I could love you and make you believe it
'Cause that's all you ever wanted
From me

Re: Is there a bottom? [Re: bravo61] #2585647
07/07/15 06:06 PM
07/07/15 06:06 PM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 414
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bravo61 Offline OP
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Saw this recently and wanted to share.

This does not minimize our part in the problem we all face but tell me if this strikes a cord with you. i'm hoping if we see this in print, we can all get past the why and work on the what's next. If a Walk Away Spouse wrote an honest letter, this is what it would say:
Dear (not really) Spouse,
Iím writing this letter to tell the truth about how I feel since I havenít been truthful to you in a long time. I hope this answers the why questions for you.
Iím leaving you because you hurt me. I realize that you probably didnít mean to but I donít care. Iím sure you had your own hurt to deal with but I was supposed to be more important than you. You hurt me so bad that I would rather be by myself (even though we both know I prolly already have someone else or I will VERY soon) than be with you. You hurt me so BAD. So bad in fact that I never told you because, God forbid, you might change and be a better spouse to me. No, I would rather not tell you because now I can be the perpetual victim. Besides, even though I have changed I donít believe you would. Yeah, I know that I have a whole new set of friends (those old ones were pesky because they tried to call me on my BS), go out to bars (you kept me from being ďfreeĒ all those years with those vows and familial expectations, even though I willingly said I do), pay strangers to watch my kids so I can date (but remember the kids are the most important things in my life; I know they are hurt right now but thatís your fault for manipulating them-theyíll get over it soon enough), and I obviously donít really believe the Bible is the real word of God (vows-whatever; God doesnít really hate divorce; Heíll forgive me-besides, Heís given me peace since I left you). I havenít been happy for years and didnít you know that YOU are responsible for MY happiness. Iíve done for everyone else for years and now itís time to take care of ME(ME ME ME ME ME). And know that every time something doesnít go my way, Iím still gonna blame you. The kids know that I love them, in spite of the fact that Iíve placed my wants (all the above) over their needs (a stable, loving family). Iíve resented you for years but I decided to hold the hurt inside because if you really loved me you would have known how hurt I was. I know at times you asked and I said I was fine but you should have known better. So I will walk out the door with a smile on my face while the kids and you have tears streaming down yours. But hey, the important thing is IíVE FOUND MYSELF.
Never Yours,
Spiteful Spouse


M40 XW35
M11 T15
S9 D5
Bomb 6/3/14
Papers del 10/3/14
D final 12/5/14

I wish I could love you and make you believe it
'Cause that's all you ever wanted
From me

Re: Is there a bottom? [Re: bravo61] #2597223
08/12/15 08:29 PM
08/12/15 08:29 PM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 414
Godless NW
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bravo61 Offline OP
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Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 414
Godless NW
update:

nothing really has happened with my sitch. i've decided to have as little contact with her. at pickups, i have the kids come out by themselves and go in by themselve. at soccer games, i sit on the other side of the field. i initiate NO texts or emails and only respond to the important ones. when i do, i usually let her know that i'm praying for her. i had the kids all last week which was awesome. i don't call them when she has them, i let them decide if they are going to call. well they missed me so much, they called sometimes twice a day while she has had them on vacation this week. it's sad that every time i drop them off, they beg me not to give up on mama. i just smile and tell them that i love them.

i realized she blocked me on FB. strikes me as passive aggressive as i unfriended her about 4 months ago. another funny thing, i asked her to have the kids every sun and mon nites as my 2 days a week. of course she went on about how she had most sundays off this month and she has invested herself in taking them to church(except for the past year). i just let her know that i acknowledged that fact in the past and that in the last year the kids and i have loved going to church together.

well, she texted me the days she wants me to take them and she decided to give up most sundays. i pray that she will find her way back to God as she is so lost right now. it's like she has changed her core values so as not to have any guilt for the EVIL plan she carried out. and she expects the kids and i just to go along for the ride and not have our own feelings about it.

really struggling with the hate right now. i can accept my part in all this. and indeed i have owned it. it galls me that she will not/refuses to accept her part and still acts like a victim and like she is a perfect person. makes me want to throw up, but that is between her and God. the kids have seen through her BS.

prayers would be appreciated.


M40 XW35
M11 T15
S9 D5
Bomb 6/3/14
Papers del 10/3/14
D final 12/5/14

I wish I could love you and make you believe it
'Cause that's all you ever wanted
From me

Re: Is there a bottom? [Re: bravo61] #2597239
08/12/15 09:02 PM
08/12/15 09:02 PM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 414
Godless NW
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bravo61 Offline OP
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Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 414
Godless NW
i will note that she has gained prolly 30lbs and is always playing with her phone (per the kids) even at S soccer games. she is involved in some kind of relationship with a man at least 12 years her senior that lives some 6 hrs away and she is lying to the kids about it. the kids even say that she is miserable and my S whom loves her more than anything has a lot of anger towards her. even to the point of refusing to speak to her when she calls and has hung up on her. i, of course, have him call and apologize when he does that. that really shocked her to know that i did that (he told her).


M40 XW35
M11 T15
S9 D5
Bomb 6/3/14
Papers del 10/3/14
D final 12/5/14

I wish I could love you and make you believe it
'Cause that's all you ever wanted
From me

Page 6 of 6 1 2 3 4 5 6

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