Since the goal changed, I thought a new thread was in order.
My STBXW is bipolar and directly threatened my son if I didn't go along with her plan to for me to support her and let her date at the same time last Friday.
A plan has been made and I'm executing the plan as fast as I can make it happen.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
From Sandi on the previous thread... Given your strong concerns about the safety of the boys, combined with her temper and resentment of kids, I say take the boys and get the heck out of Dodge. This is plain scary! Your first priority is S7 and it is heartbreaking what he has already experienced.
This has been coming gradually for a while and has only recently gotten to be that bad. She was loosing control of me and it's the one lever she KNOWS she has.
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From Sandi on previous thread.... It doesn't sound as if you did the baby any favors by marrying his mother. You weren't in love with her, and she obviously didn't want children. Some women are not natural-born little mothers nor make a good parent. The way you talk about your feelings toward her now........frankly, just doesn't sound like a hopeful situation.
At the time it made sense and she did want kids.... a lot. When she first found out she was euphoric. She'd tried so hard with her ex for kids and here is this miracle child. I know now that the euphoria was linked to the bipolar condition.
I would agree 1000% that she hasn't been the best mother all the time. But there were a couple of years that she did a good job. I't sonly been in the last couple of years that things have been going bad. Then after a REALLY difficult foster child, the rest of this came unglued. My wife was a former foster child herself and it brought down the facade.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
Last night she made a HUGE effort not to blow up. She's trying to convince me why her cracked plan will work and I should just go along with it.
She washed my laundry, swapped out sheets on my bed, put stuff away, offered to buy me more clothes on her credit card (which would be used against me later).
I even caught her watching me on the elliptical last night several times.
I want off this crazy train as soon as possible.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
Working on it. Got the lawyer a bunch of the info he needed. Today is about getting a few more pieces in place.
#1 on the list is to get my son into a counselor that's in place before she is served. #2 is to get a breakdown showing how I'll be able to cover bills.
I got the paperwork into my HR to flip my check into the new account by next payperiod. They even said the rush it through.
FS will be going to a different home on Thursday. I can't keep him safe from things at the moment.
I also got the guns out of the house. So that's one less thing to worry about.
She was interrogating my son and he stated that she was not going to be able to come to Disney because of her behavior. He was kept out of the conversations but he obviously picked up something. She started a spew session about how I'm twisting my son against her. That he was only crying last week because of what I did and it had nothing to do with her.
She also made it a point to explain to my S that she's only been mean to him because of me. That it's all my fault.
She's also going to Chicago this weekend with OM. First time she's out in the open about it. Which will be a nice reprieve. But she already stated that next weekend she wants our S. That I can't hog him.
This is the part that will get under my skin. But I can at least appreciate that she will be showing off in front of the OM. So my S would probably have a good time.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
Monday I met with the lawyer and discussed options. I removed the firearms from the house and put them into storage. I gave the lawyer the key. This takes one of the cards off the table... her being able to call 911, say how afraid she is and that I have guns... blah.
The lawyer suggested getting tape of our conversations. I started with the iPhone but now have a recorder (as of today).
I also stripped off all the text messages she's sent and supplied them to the lawyer.
Tuesday I took the lawyer the retainer, filled out the divorce paperwork, and let him listen to the past day's recordings. I got a budget together that doesn't include her. It's going to be REALLY tight. I'll need to discuss with the bank that has the mortgage any options I might have.
She found out about the guns... and she is pissed. She views them as "hers" even though I brought them into the marriage. A lot of spew and talk about how I'm trying to screw (even when kids were home) her over. I got a lot on tape.
Wednesday, I met with the local PD to introduce myself and make them aware of the situation. I also let them know that I fully anticipate there will be a call at some point. This way, they're at least aware of the situation before they arrive and that all the guns are out of the house. They congratulated me on smart thinking.
Thursday, I moved my foster son to a new foster home. This was a sad day for me and my S7. We'd planned on adopting him but with the situation like it is, it didn't make sense. And with her constantly attacking at the moment and spew, it's not healthy for him either. My son has been really sad. That night, she didn't head home until after 6:30 p.m. We did have a lucid conversation about our finances and how we're going to pay things off to get out from under the debt load. It's going to be rough and I might be looking at bankruptcy if she decides not pay her share. The debt has been a drag on the marriage and cramped us from being able to do things and was always one of her complaints.
Friday, I took my S7 to see the counselor in the afternoon. She was leaving for an out-of-state trip and didn't communicate that she needed money. I'd moved everything to a different account and was only bring funds back over as it was needed to cover bills, etc. She insinuated it's a weekend getaway, but turns out she was supposed to go stag, but only needed $200 for the weekend (I don't know any hotel and food that is that cheap). I gave her the money to avoid being told I'm giving her an allowance. But again, another fight and she's now planning on lawyering up next paycheck.
The entire week has been WW talking to S7 about how she's been unhappy for 8 years and he's just deflates. She's also been telling him that he'll seen happy mommy now. She's only been mean to him because she's mad at Dad. etc. Lot's of stuff along these lines. I'm not reacting now when she spews at me, so she's using him.
He's told me he wants a better life and that he'd like to go into foster care. He even slept with me last night. He's also wet the bed. Had nightmares (mom was choking him), etc.
We're up at our BIL's house this weekend. My SIL just told me to quit being obsessive about the situation and to go do something... she's right.
There were a few other things I'm forgetting... I'll ad them later.
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Can't you get child protective services involved to help you? You surely are not considering leaving him alone with her.
I don't have anything concrete against her that would prevent her from taking him. But I also touched base with a CPS worker/friend that lives down the road. She's aware of the situation and will assist as soon as something happens.
Busy week dismantling my former life. Time to start looking ahead.
Last edited by Sherman333; 03/21/1508:25 PM.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
My son and i had a great weekend. I took him to the BIL house and he hung out with his cousin. He wet the bed one night and then wanted to sleep with me.
My SIL did call me out on focusing too much on our stitch one day (working divorce frame work, finances, debt, etc.
We came home Sundy and were watching Big Hero 6 when the W came home from her trip out of state with someone. My son and i had setup a TV and were watching in the MB laying on the bed. He'd asked. When she discovered where we were she was pissed. Kinda funny what she was choosing to complain about. Anyway, my 7 year old told mom to quit blaming me and if she had to blame anyone to blame him since I was doing what he asked. That got her attention a little.
I was proud of him for standing up to her and sad it happened at the same time.
Otherwise we've been mostly ignoring her and doing stuff. She's accusing me now of trying too hard to be his buddy. I reminded her that our FS is gine and that this is what I used to do before and the many hours of kid video games i played, etc.
My son did tell her about the counseling session i took him too. She thinks its about proving she's a bad mother vs helping our son. Even forbade me from doing it. I have a question into the lawyer on it and as long as there's no legal reason for me to not take him, his next session is this coming Friday.
The lawyer is filing the paperwork this morning and my W will be served in the next 24 hours.
Looking ahead, things are almost scary exciting for making things better. I've been listening to the song "Radioactive" when im working out. Seems to fit my situation very well.
Other bright note I have is that I'm 213 lbs this morning. I was 265 last Nov. First time I've been able to fit 34" pants in probably 15 years?
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
